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Go Back   Blu-ray Forum > Entertainment > General Chat > Humor


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Old 08-08-2014, 02:25 PM   #41
AndyD AndyD is offline
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4 guys were walking down a street
3 of them walked into a bar, the other one ducked


What's blue and fukks old people?
Hypothermia


What do you call an epileptic hiding in a bush?
Russell

I can't afford my antidepressants anymore so I've started drinking Johnson & Johnson No More Tears shampoo!
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Old 05-13-2015, 08:28 PM   #42
Feed.Me.Moore Feed.Me.Moore is offline
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A few years back a world-renowned university was looking to expand its staff. They had heard of a remarkable teacher in a remote farming community and were very eager to interview him. So they sent Jenny, their best recruiter, to the town in search of this teacher.

When she arrived, she approached a local and said, 'Hi, I'm looking for Wayne Kinney. Do you know him?'

The local said, 'Oh sure, Wayne. He's outstanding in his field.'

Impressed, Jenny made a mental note of the compliment and asked, 'That's great. Do you know where I can find him?'

Puzzled, the man said, 'Well, I just done told ya--he's out standing in his field.'
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Old 05-13-2015, 08:56 PM   #43
MovieFanatic2010 MovieFanatic2010 is online now
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What do you call a Lesbian Dinosaur ?
[Show spoiler]Likalottapuss

What do you call a Gay Dinosaur ?
[Show spoiler]Megasorass
EPSON 5030UB PROJECTOR - 100" ELITE SCREEN
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REARS - BOWERS & WILKINS i DM600
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ATMOS SPEAKERS - ONKYO ATMOS ENABLED FRONT AND REAR
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BASS SHAKERS - 2 CLARK TRANSDUCERS + BASH AMP
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Old 05-13-2015, 09:30 PM   #44
JimShaw JimShaw is offline
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An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

mmmmmmmm

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'


The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'



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Old 05-14-2015, 12:31 PM   #45
HotRats HotRats is offline
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Old Thunderbirds joke

Lady Penelope: "Parker!"
Parker:"Yus M'Lady"
"Parker, take off my coat"
"Yus M'Lady"
"Parker, take off my shoes"
"Yus M'Lady"
"Parker, take off my dress"
"Yus, M'Lady"
"Parker, take off my stockings"
"Yus, M'Lady"
"Parker, take off my bra"
"Yus, M'Lady"
"Parker, take off my panties"
"Yus, M'Lady"
"And, Parker"
"Yus, M'Lady"
"Never wear my clothes again"
All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.
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Old 06-02-2015, 04:36 PM   #46
Musashi Musashi is offline
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http://www.dewey-cheatham-howe.com/
PSN: SuprSaiynMusashi

DVD/BD Collection: 781 discs on 349 products: 261 movies + 2,476 Episodes.
Game Collection: 618
Born and raised blu-blood


Trivia: What is Becky going to do when she gets home from school?
Trivia Archive: http://forum.blu-ray.com/showthread.php?t=169794
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Old 06-09-2015, 08:47 PM   #47
Reeper1976 Reeper1976 is offline
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Heard this one on a talk show that was giving away concert tickets to the best joke of the day:

"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken."

He won.
"That's some bad hat, Harry."
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Old 06-10-2015, 08:56 AM   #48
Forehead_of_Security Forehead_of_Security is offline
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I do'nt want anything to do with my neighbours.
I even bought a book online on how to avoid your neighbours.
Unfortunately, I wasn't home when they delivered the book....

(Milton Jones.)
FABRICATI DIEM, PVNC! - Motto of the City of Ankh-Morpork
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Old 11-13-2015, 09:19 AM   #49
Demented D Demented D is offline
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What are the three rings of marriage?

[Show spoiler]The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
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Old 11-14-2015, 07:00 PM   #50
Demented D Demented D is offline
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Two bums were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one bum said to the other, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world".
"Why is that?" asked the other.
"Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a $20. I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days."
The other bum said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days."
"Jesus", said the first bum. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?"
[Show spoiler]"Well", the other bum said, "No, I never found her head."
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Old 01-17-2016, 05:48 PM   #51
sk33tr sk33tr is offline
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A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest *****, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Larry’s *****."
I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it.

--Evelyn Beatrice Hall
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Old 01-23-2016, 07:16 PM   #52
C. Anton C. Anton is offline
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The waiting room for married couples was a bit empty today, there wasn't a single person in it.
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Old 02-11-2016, 03:27 PM   #53
spottydog10 spottydog10 is offline
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A man walks into a Swedish chemist and asks for a deodorant.
"Ball or aerosol?"
"Neither, it's for my armpits"...
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Old 02-11-2016, 03:30 PM   #54
spottydog10 spottydog10 is offline
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Feb 2016
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My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away
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Old 02-11-2016, 03:31 PM   #55
spottydog10 spottydog10 is offline
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Feb 2016
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Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"

Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me"
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Old 02-11-2016, 03:32 PM   #56
spottydog10 spottydog10 is offline
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Feb 2016
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What happens when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
-
A: You get a frostbite.
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Old 02-11-2016, 03:33 PM   #57
spottydog10 spottydog10 is offline
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Feb 2016
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Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!"
Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!"
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Old 02-11-2016, 03:34 PM   #58
spottydog10 spottydog10 is offline
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Feb 2016
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I heard Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they're having trouble installing windows
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Old 02-11-2016, 03:35 PM   #59
spottydog10 spottydog10 is offline
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Feb 2016
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Whenever I undress in the bathroom, my shower gets turned on.
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Old 02-19-2016, 10:49 PM   #60
C. Anton C. Anton is offline
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A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.
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