What software are you using? The results look really familiar but I can't remember what that program was called. Maybe Cool 3D?
Anyway, as a graphic artist I can say your submission isn't the greatest. RangerSix touched on most of the problems. But if you take it as a standalone graphics piece there are basic composition mistakes. Firstly, the transparency isn't working when you output. See the white fringe around your drop shadow? Some of that could be attributed to using 'gif' as your output. Try png to get better transparency's. The text is hard to read and that is because of a couple issues. The font just doesn't work. What makes it worse is the white outline around the letters. At the resolution you are working in it becomes too pixelated and cluttered. It basically makes your graphic look 'dirty' and unprofessional.
Just some professional critique. I do this for a living.
First and foremost, you need to work on font selection. That is your foundation and if you choose wrong there, nothing you do to gloss it up will make it any better. Looking at the second graphic you posted, it is pretty much the same problem. So keep working at it.