Ninja Empire
So some of you might remember the classy Ninja Terminator film I watched a few months back. Well turns out there are a ton of Ninja films similar to it. So here's Ninja Empire...
"But wait, is it worth watching?" I hear Al ask.
Well here's the highlights of the film...
- Lame imploding ninjas
- A general with extreme mood swings
- Chinese Three Stooges fighting off an drunk wife beater
- Ninja Roley poly down a hill
- The Godfather breaking down and throwing tea into his own face
- Slapsticky music for one of the main characters dying
And some examples of the dialogue...
- "How's the komodo plan going?" "Perfectly fine" "No it isn't you liar" "Then why did you ask?"
- "Don't feel bad, everyone makes mistakes and it's important to learn from them, and you saved my life" "If it wasn't for you I would be up for the firing squad, so thank you" "DON'T TALK CRAP, YOU DON'T OWE ME NOTHING"
- "Can you give me your johnson?"
- "Now that we've exposed ourselves, we must be extra careful"
- "What's the matter, my dear little wong?"
And yes, some one does say something "Please go on without me, save yourself".
And yes, the awful dubbing makes it far more hilarious.
The climactic battle, however doesn't disappoint (and by that I mean it disappoints in every conceivable way possible), seriously, speed up to the final 2 minutes and prepare to have your mind blown.
There is no plot in anyway possible...
I've painted this up to be one of the most stunningly bad films I've ever seen. But to be honest, before you decide to give it a watch, this film is pretty boring for the most part. Unlike Ninja Terminator, which had triple the amount of ninja battle, and crazier Bruce Lee rip-off side film along with robots, nasty looking softcore porn sex scenes and Garfield. This is just dull with the occasional splash of horrendous.
Watch Ninja Terminator if you want a bad ninja film, and don't worry, I've got a few more lousy Ninja films to get through before I go to university to clue you guys in on.
4/10