Moral Dilemma, Contemplating Calling Police.

[OrlandoEastwood]

Hey, peeps.

I don't ask for advice often. But, I have had a real problem on my hands after getting off work today. A friend of mine who went through a divorce has been having real problems. And I've tried to help out and lend a hand and talk to her if she's having any problems. So, she confided in me today and this was bad. She was strung out and completely high on whatever type of illegal substances that she got from her new boyfriend.

Now, I feel bad, but I went off on a real verbal rant at her regarding this crap. I have been contemplating calling the authorities because she's got children and I do not want them getting in harms way. Should I do it if I don't see any type of improvement? I told her to get clean and I do not want any thing bad to happen to anyone.

[toddly6666]

Originally Posted by OrlandoEastwood

Hey, peeps.

I don't ask for advice often. But, I have had a real problem on my hands after getting off work today. A friend of mine who went through a divorce has been having real problems. And I've tried to help out and lend a hand and talk to her if she's having any problems. So, she confided in me today and this was bad. She was strung out and completely high on whatever type of illegal substances that she got from her new boyfriend.

Now, I feel bad, but I went off on a real verbal rant at her regarding this crap. I have been contemplating calling the authorities because she's got children and I do not want them getting in harms way. Should I do it if I don't see any type of improvement? I told her to get clean and I do not want any thing bad to happen to anyone.

I guess the worst case scenario is if the police take her children away from her if they think she's too drugged up. Is it better to be a drugged-up parent who gets to see the kids or a parent going through rehab who is not allowed to see the kids? If you get involved, it's possible that you could be the one responsible for getting her kids separated from her and given full custody to the father. If that's a scenario that would NOT happen, then go ahead and get involved if you like!

[OrlandoEastwood]

Well, is it better to be a dead mother who's kids will never know her since they're both babies? That's what's getting at me.

[sk33tr]

ask yourself: is a child's life worth the cost of a friendship?

if you call the police or child protective services to ensure her kids are kept safe, then you are doing the right thing. true, you may lose a friend in the process but keeping the children safe in this situation is definitely worth so much more.

[Jett Rink]

Originally Posted by sk33tr

ask yourself: is a child's life worth the cost of a friendship?

if you call the police or child protective services to ensure her kids are kept safe, then you are doing the right thing. true, you may lose a friend in the process but keeping the children safe in this situation is definitely worth so much more.

I have experienced many situations like this, and the advice I was given was just don't get involved. You don't know how it might affect them.

[neoz]

When it comes to kids that is the hard question. If the father a jerk and does he care about the kids.
Contrary popular belief not all fathers are jerks and want to be a part of their children's life. The system has and will continue to favor women over men. I should know I'm a single parent. That being said, if you feel the children are in danger start with her family first. Try to get a hold of her parents and let them know that you think their daughter is doing drugs. If they are willing they can probably get the kids. If that doesn't pan out call protective services. I'm sorry 98% of what happens to you in life if your own fault. She wants to do drugs instead of being a parent then I'm sorry you don't love or care about your kids. Simple as that. I've had to fight tooth and nail for my kid. I couldn't imagine my life without them. You think I'm going to blow that by doing drugs? No that is just stupid. Yeah divorce sucks and life sucks...suck it up and drive on. There is plenty of support groups out there to help, churches, and other local groups. Kids don't need to be around drugs.

[OrlandoEastwood]

Well, it's over I guess. I was at work and explained the situation. I felt this was easier option. If someone asks for help and is not willing to except the course to make their life better, then it's pointless. I felt bad, but, at the same time I honestly don't now.

[Agent Bond]

I would call the police. You'll sacrifice your friendship, but its for a good reason. Unfortunately, sometimes there's a price to pay for doing the right thing

[NARMAK]

These kinda situations are REALLY tough to give advice on because on the one hand, she's a friend that you clearly care about, but on the other hand she has children that she's completely putting at risk.

There's a couple of ways to approach this, and although i'm not exactly sure which way will or wouldn't turn out right; these are a few of my suggestions.

1) Get details of her parents (or any of the kids grandparents) - See how far these guys are living from your friend and if they can look after the kids for a while.

2) After getting the grandparents on either side to agree to look after the kids, talk with your friend about them going to stay with them while she goes into rehab or meetings to kick her habit

3) Now, here's where you might hit a crossroad, and tbh your immediate friendship is probably going to come under fire for trying to do the right thing, or even as early as step 1. IF she agrees, to get clean, ditch the boyfriend who's clearly no good for her and goes to rehab, you've more than done your part buddy.

IF she doesn't then this is where you're going to have to show some tough love. First imo, you should forcefully separate her from the negatively influencing boyfriend. The easiest way to do this would be to maybe gather information on him first, such as what substances does he actually use, the quantity etc. and then see if you have enough to go to the police with an 'anonymous' tip of drug use with potential intent to supply.

The CPS (child protective service) doesn't really need to be informed though if the children are safe with their grandparents and the real challenge is just getting your friend clean and away from all the negative influences.

I do sincerely hope some of this advice helps, but I guarantee beyond getting her or the fathers parents involved to help (i'd personally approach HER parents first; as the ex may have an axe to grind, but then again, he may also turn out to be the person they really should be with. Sometimes mothers are just unfit, and kids really need to be with their dad; so don't discount the guy)

Let us know what you do, but above all, stay safe and look after yourself!

[Clark Kent]

The problem is that the system isn't much of a replacement for a parent, no matter how bad they actually may be as a parent. This question really can't be answered without a lot more pertinent information, such as the age of the children and their actual development level.

[bhampton]

Originally Posted by Clark Kent

The problem is that the system isn't much of a replacement for a parent, no matter how bad they actually may be as a parent. This question really can't be answered without a lot more pertinent information, such as the age of the children and their actual development level.

This depends on the parent in question and the people who host the child.

Naturally.

Some people are fine with a strange new life without the abuse.