My Interview with Ken Graffeo (fake)

[stockstar1138]

Earlier today, I saw Ken Graffeo walking around Universal headquarters and drugged him with some truth serum, I then found an empty storage closet and interviewed him. here is what he had to say.

Q: So Ken, how do you explain that you have a market share of 70% and that you claim to have an attach ratio that is 400% better than blu-rays, yet hd dvds have been outsold 2:1 by blu-ray, the math doesn't add up.

A: Well you see, where tricky dickies here at Universal. What we do is we don't include the PS3 in the market share, otherwise we'd only have about 5% of the total market, and we do include the ps3 in attach ratio, that way it looks a lot better, even though we are getting our asses kicked, it appears we are winning.

Q: So are you winning?

A: No

Q: You claimed earlier this year that your Q4 releases would be stronger, however, it doesn't appear that they are, what do you have to say about that?

A: I was just lying, I hoped maybe a few innocent customers would see that comment and think HD DVD was the way to go, anything to sell an extra 20 players.

Q: Do you think HD DVD is going to win?

A: No

Q: Then why do you still support it, which only adds to consumers getting hurt?

A: Because Toshiba lines my pockets with money and frankly I don't give a rat's ass about consumers as long as I have money in my pocket.

Q: Earlier in the year, you said the Spielberg films were coming to HD DVD, but later had to apologize and retract that statement, as Mr. Spielberg gets to decide if they will come out. So knowing that you couldn't put Spielberg's films out on HD DVD, why did you show off the Spielberg films again at an HD DVD promo in Japan?

A: Like I said, anything to sell 20 players, Im sure some poor soul saw that and went out and bought an HD DVD player because of it, though hell never see his favorite Universal films on HD DVD, we got his money. So what, we got to apologize to Steven, not a big deal, yeah its humiliating, but we sold an extra few players

Q: When do you plan to support blu-ray

A: Early next year, unless Toshiba offers us double what Paramount got.

Q: What do you think of the PS3?

A: God I love it! Its great, except I gotta play it in a little closet in my house, because if the Toshiba reps see it in my living room, theres no more money.

Q: I didn't even know you owned one, I was asking what you thought of it, is it a blu-ray player or a game console. Sorry for not being more specific.

A: Oh its a little of both, but as mentioned earlier, when it comes to market share its a game console, when it comes to calculating attach ratios, its a blu-ray player, thats the only way we can make it look like we're winning, because we are getting our asses kicked so hard. I use mine for blu-rays more than gaming, but I do like the new Ratchet and Clank game, my kids do too, it just gets really tight fitting into the closet.

Q: So you are a closet blu-ray supporter?

A: Absolutely, I just come out of the closet to make it look like I like HD DVD for the money. Look at me, more or less, as a straight man who pretends he's gay for money.

Me: Thank you for your time

Ken: Thank You.




This is fake.