Dream Job... A Year Too Late?

[Adcatalano]

I don’t know if I’m looking for advice as much as I just need to air out my thoughts as I have a potential life changing decision to make.

I have a degree in film and video that I’ve been unable to translate into permanent employment in 7+ plus years. I had pretty much given up finding a position in my area, so I’m the past 5 years I’ve focused on my own videography company and I’ve been enjoying a decent amount of success (25-30+ weddings a year, prices on the rise). Thanks to this success I was able to leave my day job this past spring and focus more on my business, more personal creative goals, and I became my infant daughter’s primary caregiver. I’ve found my role as a stay at home dad rewarding and relatively easy going despite its challenges.

I really put my days of failed job applications behind me, but I kept my indeed alerts active to keep an eye on the job market just in case. I passed up a bunch of opportunities I would’ve normally applied to in an instant. Earlier this month I saw a posting that really caught my attention, though. It was a technical director role at a decent sized religious congregation. I’ve been working in churches for weddings for years and it really seemed like something I would be uniquely qualified for - running audio and video for the church and working on projects to advance their capabilities.

For the first time in a long time I did a quick update on my resume and submitted it - I didn’t even bother with a cover letter because it was on such a whim. Lo and behold they contacted me for and interview and today I was offered the position.

I did not expect to feel the way I currently am. Throughout this process I’ve had a ton of anxiety because I love taking care of my daughter and I have such a good thing going. But then the other side kicks in - this is a dream job that I would’ve taken in an instant up until this past year. I’ve also been overcome with a sense of being under-qualified - the equipment they have in place is a big step above what I’m used to working with and there is going to be quite a learning curve and while I do trust in my ability to learn, I don’t want to embarrass myself.

Before making a decision I’m going to sit in during a service this weekend and observe their current methods, I need to see their equipment in action to possibly put my head at ease. They only have volunteers manning everything so I have to be a step up, right? Even if I don’t know these specific nuts and bolts I conceptually understand everything so I should be able to adapt with some effort.

I hate that I’m not jumping over this opportunity and my anxiety is suffocating me during this decision. I feel lazy for wanting to stay at home with my daughter, but then the feeling of love reinforces it. If I take it and wash out I’ll feel like a massive failure, but this is my first legitimate shot at a real position is my dream career and I would be stupid to not try.

I just want the sinking feeling I get when I think about taking this job to go away.