Ranking the Live Action Disney Adaptations (& their sequels)

[Poya]

Because people accuse me of hating the Disney live action remakes for the sake of hating, I wanted to be as fair as I can be and show I'm open to liking these movies. Here's my ranking of them:

1. Pete's Dragon (Legitimately good. Expands and modernizes a not-that-great movie, which is what a remake should do)

2. The Jungle Book (A fine albeit not-too-faithful adaptation of the novel but it does things differently enough from the cartoon to make it distinct)

3. Cinderella (Not much changes but the acting's quite good, it's a simple breeze of a movie)

4. Christopher Robin (Subtlety was against the law while making this but it goes to some dark places I didn't expect it to go)

5. 101 Dalmatians (John Hughes trying to make Home Alone again but it's an alright adaptation of the cartoon. Glenn Close is a delight).

6. Cruella (A bland Scorsese-esque "prequel" that's only saved by Emma Stone and Emma Thompson)

7. Lady and the Tramp (An odd historical revisionist piece of work that at least tries to go to some dark themes but is otherwise nearly the same as the cartoon)

8. Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (The first two-thirds are utter crap but the last third is so ridiculous, I can't help but enjoy it in a "so bad it's good" way)

9. Maleficent (Bland perspective flip that's saved by Angelina Jolie's performance)

10. Jungle Book '94 (Silly, boring, but the production values at least have some merit)

11. Aladdin (Will Smith is the only saving grace to a nearly shot-for-shot remake that adds little to what made the original a classic)

12. The Sorceror's Apprentice (Even Nic Cage looks bored in this plodding, plot-hole-ridden mess that expects us to believe this is a worthy successor to the classic Mickey short)

13. 102 Dalmatians (Unnecessary, stupid, forgettable, even Close couldn't save it)

14. Beauty & the Beast (If I were biased, this would be last since I loved the original. This is a shot-for-shot remake that's not only unneeded but disrespectful to those who made the original)

15. Mulan (Granted, tries to do things differently but is otherwise an uneasy alliance of the wuxia and superhero genres with a bland lead anchoring this)

16. Alice in Wonderland (A Tim Burton visual feast but is otherwise empty and tries to add too much while doing less. One of Johnny Depp's worst performances)

17. Dumbo (A complete mess of an adaptation that assumes the humans were far more interesting than the giant-eared elephant. What was Burton thinking?)

18. The Lion King (The most blatant of the shot-for-shot remakes, though it cribs from the Broadway show, too. The cast didn't sound like they wanted to be there, the animation's stiff and lifeless, the music is banal, the definition of pointless)

19. Pinocchio (Has a different ending but is otherwise the complete deathknell of Robert Zemekis as a filmmaker)

20. Alice Through the Looking Glass (The end of Depp's career. Lacks the visuals of the previous film and adds absolutely nothing to the cinemas in general. Boring, dumb, story makes no sense, directing and acting are nonexistent, it's just bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. Skip at all costs)