Best Videogame Movie? (No, seriously, this time!)

[EricJ]

After perusing the Review page's "haw, haw!" review of the '94 "Street Fighter" (to match the one posted for this year's "Chun Li" monstrosity), I'm sorry, it just raised the same hairs on my neck again:
Don't you hate college-aged "dogpile" reviews trying to kiss up to Razzie-award legend, that automatically assume everyone immediately considers a movie a Worst Movie by default, without going into all the drudgery of particular detail about why audiences still would fifteen or twenty years later?
(Generally, when pinned down for specifics, such reviews tend to flail about and guess at specific-criteria reasons: "Well...like...it's got Van Damme in it!--That's silly! )

And while i'll repeat that it's hard to do intentional tongue-in-cheek in an action movie and get it right, okay, that's it, jackets off--Let's break the issue down:
If we must have videogame-adaptation movies, just WHAT EXACTLY constitutes the criteria for a Good One within its own category anyway, as opposed to a Bad One?
Faithfulness to source material and character iconography? Jazz variations off of it?
Translation of the "cinematic" storyline to narrative form?
Appeal to core players? Selling the concept to non-players?

And on whatever criteria--and seeing as we're probably not going to get "God of War" any time soon--just what exactly are the default "Best" videogame movies by gamer-demographic criteria, if not Van Damme, Julia, & co.?
"Doom"? "Silent Hill"? "Mortal Kombat 1"?
(It ain't Bob Hoskins, it ain't Milla Jovavich just because the sequels were on Blu first, and it sure ain't Uwe Boll...)

...Can't we stop guffawing long enough to start talking, and pin some reference judging points down for posterity?