Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike16
Drinking some coffee and trying to convince myself to go to a Dead 'Til Dawn Drive-in Film Festival this weekend alone. This is something my late wife and I would attend every year before the pandemic, jumping into the back of my old Ford Ranger under the stars watching some clearly public domain titles on the big screen was just a special time for us, we always put work/school first so this was something we did for "fun" once a year.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike16
Good Saturday Morning, everyone! Last night's Dead 'Til Dawn fest was as great as I remember it being pre-pandemic, met a lot of like-minded people who were a blast to hang out with all night. Met a awesome couple from Vermont who apparently remembered me from way back in 2018 when my late wife and I were there. I was shocked that they remembered me but apparently my wife made a huge impact on the show back then and I just have one of those unforgettable faces that hasn't changed in the last 7 years, haha. Anyways I'm sitting here having a cup of s'mores flavored coffee and reminiscing over the good old days while kicking myself for not buying a camping permit and making a whole weekend out of the film fest this year, if it wasn't a hour drive away I'd probably go back tonight for night two.
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I'm so glad you went. It sounds like a lot of fun. You've got something to do. To look forward to. And hope for tomorrow. It's a thing to not be taken lightly. I don't say this to throw on the greatest hits record by poor pitiful me. It's more a reminder to be thankful and grateful for what you have. I'm not saying that I'm not cause I am. The problem with that is certain situations and moments make it hard to do at times. This is also a soulful & somber reflective rumination on life and all its intricacies. Odd as they may be. I thought I was leaving this weekend to go on my much needed vacation. However, I'm not leaving until the 20th. While there is nothing wrong with that on the surface, there is so much more to unpack underneath it all. You cannot imagine what it is like trying to fill time and space when the deck is stacked against you. I live and die by my living room these days. Now, without a couch, it is a soul crushing endeavor.
I cannot lay out, I cannot be comfortable, and I cannot function. I have
two dining room chairs and TV trays set up in my living room. But it's not conducive for doing much. The chairs are murder on your ass and your back. Even worse, the knees are showing out in the worst ways. I've been having trouble with them of late, but this is just making things worse. I have to be able to stretch out. Otherwise, my knees start making themselves known in some of the worst ways. The other only option is laying on the rug with hardwood floors under that. I've got a makeshift pallet down, but it doesn't ease the utter pain that laying down there is. Who knew that a couch would be so crucial to life. Or at least mine anyway. It makes you really see how much is taken for granted in our day to day lives. And how much is missing with the things we need and love are gone. That has been the story of this life of mine for the last 16 years. And it's just another thing to add to the pile that makes it hard to keep money in the old pocket. I can't sit and do much in the living room. When it's all I ever do on the weekends, it's damn near impossible to fill your time and not spend money.
Distractions which make the difference between holding on and letting go are not something to lose. I have so few of them these days. This is where the post turns more philosophical and ruminating than woe is me. We often look out at our lives and see the plains of despair hitting us. And oftentimes, in the process, not seeing what is there. it's only when those things are gone that it comes in view. In stark contrasting view. When you spend your life just trying to fill the time inside these days, it can be exhausting. Life was never meant to be that. I have my friends and I am dearly appreciative that I see them. However, it never seems to be enough time. But that is me and on no one else. Something I always say and is very true is that all of my dearest friends come on plastic shiny discs. When people ask you who your true lasting friends are, what is your answer? If you say Elvis, Brickell, Lennon, Mitchell, Grant, Roberts, Cruise, Grant, or Hunter then God be with you.
For it truly an existence meant to slowly whittle one down til they die. We take those little things like friends or family for granted. Or even a couch. Thinking about it today, I realized how affluent I am. When a lot of people can't even claim to have a couch. Much less a house or the very basic of needs. Does that ease the pain or the sting of it all? No, not really. But it can help keep some perspective on life and all its oddities. Sophia Petrillo once said the following about being queer:
"
They say gay if a guy can sing the entire score of 'Gigi.' But, a six foot three, two hundred pound married man with kids, who likes to dress up like Dorothy Lamour, I think you have to go with queer"
And Patty Griffin said in her song Moses:
"
Everywhere is somewhere And nowhere is near
Everybody got somebody with their wine and their beer
So I'm just this tragic figure in the corner over here
With an empty apartment and a best friend who is queer"
Both of which I think fits my feeling on life and my current situation. Life is very queer for how it ebbs and flows with no rhyme or reason to it at all. Like a sequencing to an album that makes no sense and doesn't really fit. But somehow it works. In its own weird & quirky sort of queer way. Speaking of Patty Griffin, I am currently on my second run through of her album Living with Ghosts. Never realized how much that title alone really fits me. It would be the title to my autobiography/memoirs.
It's all born out of wanting to listen to some more music earlier today (now yesterday) but needing something more acoustic and softer. As my ears will really hurting after running through Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories' Tails yesterday afternoon. I never got around to that second record yesterday. I've got things I wanted to do online and I wanted something to track with me. I cannot sit and be online without something else going on. And I can't listen to music, a lot of the times, without doing something else. It's the ADHD in me.
Which goes back to the strange queerness of life. all the complications and conditions that make up the patchwork of life really bore out some very unusual paths to walk. What does this all mean and where is this all going. I'm not really sure. It started out as something striking and reflective. What it's turned into a verbiage spewing forth. The kind of thing I would have written for my aunt on my dad's side. It wasn't mean to be this though. I could keep all this for my aunt and shorten my post for everyone here. However, I think I will leave it, as I think it may help someone out there. Plus, it is the very definition of what this thread is all about. And is something different from what is usually posted here. Something I think we could all use a little more in life. Thanks for taking the time to read this and not just scroll on by. It means more than you will ever know.
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I do like that mug though! I should get one for free considering how long I've had to wait. 
Why even call at all? 
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