Spoiler Warning: The Clone Wars reviews & reactions

[CRMA]

Saw this posted at www.joblo.com. It wasn't good, read for yourself.

Plot: In this CGI prequel to REVENGE OF THE SITH, Anakin Skywalker must rescue Jabba the Hut’s infant son from the clutches of the dark side in order to secure Jabba's political influence for the alliance.
Review: OH, THE HUMANITY!!! How I hated this poor excuse for a film! After seeing STAR WARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH, I figured that at long last the STAR WARS saga had come to an end. While I did not particularly enjoy the prequels- even at their worst the films still had their moments. As soon as this film was announced I expected the worst. It reeked of a greedy cash grab from George Lucas, and when I was assigned to review the film, I wasn't all that enthusiastic. So I went into the film with a bit of baggage but in my wildest dreams I never figured the film could be this bad.

How bad is it?

Let me put it this way: the film could not possibly be worse. If the filmmakers had just filmed Lucas flipping off the camera for two hours it would not be as bad as this film. Remember how much everyone hated Jar Jar Binks in THE PHANTOM MENACE? Jar Jar is like Han friggin' Solo compared to the new characters introduced in this film!




First, let's start with Anakin's new pre-teen sidekick - Ashoka Tano - who's like the Jedi equivalent of HANNAH MONTANA. Throughout the film, not only does she keep getting into trouble constantly while cracking bad jokes, but she repeatedly calls Skywalker, "Sky-guy". WTF? Is that was passes for comic relief in the STAR WARS universe. Sky-guy? What the hell is this, DEGRASSI HIGH? After she'd been onscreen for about three minutes I was already looking for the exit- but I decided to stick it out. Surely it can't get any worse, I foolishly thought to myself.
It did…

Meet Jabba's offspring, STINKY. Yep, Stinky. That's what they call him in the film. He's a baby version of Jabba, and spends the movie making funny faces and farting. That's right folks, STAR WARS now has fart jokes. Sounds pretty bad so far, right?

But wait...There's more. Turns out Jabba's got an evil, cross dressing, English speaking cousin who sounds suspiciously like Truman Capote. Once this character hit the screen, I honestly could not believe what I was seeing. For a second, I thought someone might have spiked my coffee with LSD, but alas, I was not high.




Another bad thing about this film is that, while Lucas & co. were able to get Christopher Lee & Samuel L. Jackson to lend their voices to the film, they were not able to get Frank Oz so the whole film we have to listen to a wrong sounding Yoda. I couldn't care less that Ewan McGregor & Hayden Christensen didn't voice their characters but Yoda?! C'mon George, cut him a check!
Obviously, John Williams is also absent in this outing, and in his pace they hired a hack named Kevin Kilner to re-orchestrate his themes. By re-orchestrate I mean that Kilner adds wanking heavy metal guitar solo's during the action scenes. Which is great because I don’t know about you, but I always thought the original trilogy would have been better if it had been scored by Whitesnake.

Suffice to say I did not enjoy this travesty of a film. It makes the two eighties EWOK movies look like THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK in comparison. Easily the worst film of 2008 so far. George Lucas should be ashamed. Also, if people think I'm being overly harsh on a film designed for kids, I should note that the screening I was at was full of kids, and they were all restless or sleeping by the time the film was over.

[bigMacDaddyBLU]

Originally Posted by CRMA

Saw this posted at www.joblo.com. It wasn't good, read for yourself.

Plot: In this CGI prequel to REVENGE OF THE SITH, Anakin Skywalker must rescue Jabba the Hut’s infant son from the clutches of the dark side in order to secure Jabba's political influence for the alliance.
Review: OH, THE HUMANITY!!! How I hated this poor excuse for a film! After seeing STAR WARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH, I figured that at long last the STAR WARS saga had come to an end. While I did not particularly enjoy the prequels- even at their worst the films still had their moments. As soon as this film was announced I expected the worst. It reeked of a greedy cash grab from George Lucas, and when I was assigned to review the film, I wasn't all that enthusiastic. So I went into the film with a bit of baggage but in my wildest dreams I never figured the film could be this bad.

How bad is it?

Let me put it this way: the film could not possibly be worse. If the filmmakers had just filmed Lucas flipping off the camera for two hours it would not be as bad as this film. Remember how much everyone hated Jar Jar Binks in THE PHANTOM MENACE? Jar Jar is like Han friggin' Solo compared to the new characters introduced in this film!




First, let's start with Anakin's new pre-teen sidekick - Ashoka Tano - who's like the Jedi equivalent of HANNAH MONTANA. Throughout the film, not only does she keep getting into trouble constantly while cracking bad jokes, but she repeatedly calls Skywalker, "Sky-guy". WTF? Is that was passes for comic relief in the STAR WARS universe. Sky-guy? What the hell is this, DEGRASSI HIGH? After she'd been onscreen for about three minutes I was already looking for the exit- but I decided to stick it out. Surely it can't get any worse, I foolishly thought to myself.
It did…

Meet Jabba's offspring, STINKY. Yep, Stinky. That's what they call him in the film. He's a baby version of Jabba, and spends the movie making funny faces and farting. That's right folks, STAR WARS now has fart jokes. Sounds pretty bad so far, right?

But wait...There's more. Turns out Jabba's got an evil, cross dressing, English speaking cousin who sounds suspiciously like Truman Capote. Once this character hit the screen, I honestly could not believe what I was seeing. For a second, I thought someone might have spiked my coffee with LSD, but alas, I was not high.




Another bad thing about this film is that, while Lucas & co. were able to get Christopher Lee & Samuel L. Jackson to lend their voices to the film, they were not able to get Frank Oz so the whole film we have to listen to a wrong sounding Yoda. I couldn't care less that Ewan McGregor & Hayden Christensen didn't voice their characters but Yoda?! C'mon George, cut him a check!
Obviously, John Williams is also absent in this outing, and in his pace they hired a hack named Kevin Kilner to re-orchestrate his themes. By re-orchestrate I mean that Kilner adds wanking heavy metal guitar solo's during the action scenes. Which is great because I don’t know about you, but I always thought the original trilogy would have been better if it had been scored by Whitesnake.

Suffice to say I did not enjoy this travesty of a film. It makes the two eighties EWOK movies look like THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK in comparison. Easily the worst film of 2008 so far. George Lucas should be ashamed. Also, if people think I'm being overly harsh on a film designed for kids, I should note that the screening I was at was full of kids, and they were all restless or sleeping by the time the film was over.

that's dumb....

[jurassic_pork]

Originally Posted by CRMA

Saw this posted at www.joblo.com. It wasn't good, read for yourself.

Plot: In this CGI prequel to REVENGE OF THE SITH, Anakin Skywalker must rescue Jabba the Hut’s infant son from the clutches of the dark side in order to secure Jabba's political influence for the alliance.
Review: OH, THE HUMANITY!!! How I hated this poor excuse for a film! After seeing STAR WARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH, I figured that at long last the STAR WARS saga had come to an end. While I did not particularly enjoy the prequels- even at their worst the films still had their moments. As soon as this film was announced I expected the worst. It reeked of a greedy cash grab from George Lucas, and when I was assigned to review the film, I wasn't all that enthusiastic. So I went into the film with a bit of baggage but in my wildest dreams I never figured the film could be this bad.

How bad is it?

Let me put it this way: the film could not possibly be worse. If the filmmakers had just filmed Lucas flipping off the camera for two hours it would not be as bad as this film. Remember how much everyone hated Jar Jar Binks in THE PHANTOM MENACE? Jar Jar is like Han friggin' Solo compared to the new characters introduced in this film!




First, let's start with Anakin's new pre-teen sidekick - Ashoka Tano - who's like the Jedi equivalent of HANNAH MONTANA. Throughout the film, not only does she keep getting into trouble constantly while cracking bad jokes, but she repeatedly calls Skywalker, "Sky-guy". WTF? Is that was passes for comic relief in the STAR WARS universe. Sky-guy? What the hell is this, DEGRASSI HIGH? After she'd been onscreen for about three minutes I was already looking for the exit- but I decided to stick it out. Surely it can't get any worse, I foolishly thought to myself.
It did…

Meet Jabba's offspring, STINKY. Yep, Stinky. That's what they call him in the film. He's a baby version of Jabba, and spends the movie making funny faces and farting. That's right folks, STAR WARS now has fart jokes. Sounds pretty bad so far, right?

But wait...There's more. Turns out Jabba's got an evil, cross dressing, English speaking cousin who sounds suspiciously like Truman Capote. Once this character hit the screen, I honestly could not believe what I was seeing. For a second, I thought someone might have spiked my coffee with LSD, but alas, I was not high.




Another bad thing about this film is that, while Lucas & co. were able to get Christopher Lee & Samuel L. Jackson to lend their voices to the film, they were not able to get Frank Oz so the whole film we have to listen to a wrong sounding Yoda. I couldn't care less that Ewan McGregor & Hayden Christensen didn't voice their characters but Yoda?! C'mon George, cut him a check!
Obviously, John Williams is also absent in this outing, and in his pace they hired a hack named Kevin Kilner to re-orchestrate his themes. By re-orchestrate I mean that Kilner adds wanking heavy metal guitar solo's during the action scenes. Which is great because I don’t know about you, but I always thought the original trilogy would have been better if it had been scored by Whitesnake.

Suffice to say I did not enjoy this travesty of a film. It makes the two eighties EWOK movies look like THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK in comparison. Easily the worst film of 2008 so far. George Lucas should be ashamed. Also, if people think I'm being overly harsh on a film designed for kids, I should note that the screening I was at was full of kids, and they were all restless or sleeping by the time the film was over.

this confirms my greatest fears......oh what has hapenned to my Star Wars

[CRMA]

yeah, that was pretty bad.

[Marine Mike]

The greatest part about it is that I bet for them to increase Blu-Ray sales of this title they'll add one kicker to it, to rule them all.

Bonus Features:
-First Look at Original Trilogy on Blu-Ray

[jurassic_pork]

wow, i had not seen the score but the brother didnt even give it a 1 (got a big fat 0 of 10).

[CYMBOL]

Originally Posted by CRMA

Meet Jabba's offspring, STINKY. Yep, Stinky. That's what they call him in the film. He's a baby version of Jabba, and spends the movie making funny faces and farting. That's right folks, STAR WARS now has fart jokes. Sounds pretty bad so far, right?

Hmmm, guess he missed the parts in Phantom Menace where Jar Jar steps in poo, and the part where he's get farted on by some animal.

It was over for me with the Phantom Menace.


After lines like:

• "You were banished because you were clumsy?"
• "I'll try spinning, that's a good trick!"
• "Yippee!!!"

You know, I won't bother posting more cause I just don't have the time to list them all.

I knew this was just for kids to get a new generation of merchandising in. Sure there were some cool scenes, but eye candy with no soul just leaves you feeling empty. Even my love for the original trilogy just isn't the same. Lucas finally squashed it out of me.

[CYMBOL]

Originally Posted by Marine Mike

The greatest part about it is that I bet for them to increase Blu-Ray sales of this title they'll add one kicker to it, to rule them all.

Bonus Features:
-First Look at Original Trilogy on Blu-Ray

Wow, good call Mike.

[jk1138]

It was not as bad as this guy is saying, but I agree 100% with Zero the Hutt, that was by far the worst thing ever in any Star Wars. The rest is acceplable as it is a KIDS MOVIE, and not ment to be anything more. There are parts that adults are not going to like, but kids will love.

[stockstar1138]

that review had me rofling. this is gonna be so bad, im seeing it tonight.

read the last line too George Lucas, i know you have said many of times you make the movies for the kids: THE KIDS THINK THEY SUCK TOO!!!

[Woody]

"Sky guy"?
"Stinky"?
and noone voicing their characters..................

Hello rock bottom, nice to meet you.

[bhampton]

I can't understand this.

Those clone wars cartoons that were on TV and then DVD were fun enough I thought.

But, this new stuff looks so amazingly bad I just can't understand it.

Sounds like it's worse than it looks... This is sad.

The only thing I can see is they want to kill off any interest in star wars by making fun of anyone who will go to see this type of thing.

-Brian

P.s. Any word on when I can get this on Blu Ray?

[stockstar1138]

i feel dumb for actually thinking this was going to be good.

the clone wars cartoons on CN had me beilving, cause those were sweet but man, this sucks.

[Deadset]

As soon as I saw the preview that had the girl jedi yakking, I knew it was a movie made for someone other than my demographic.

[Marine Mike]

Originally Posted by Deads3t

As soon as I saw the preview that had the girl jedi yakking, I knew it was a movie made for someone other than my demographic.

Clone Wars Demographic: Non Star Wars Fans

[GeneD5]

how about a spoiler warning in the title there guy

[stockstar1138]

Originally Posted by Marine Mike

Demographic: Non Star Wars Fans

Demograph: Nobody.

In order to like this movie you need to

- like Star Wars
- like ghey purple, fat slugs
- like stiff acting
- like horribly cheesy dialogue
- like poor CGI
- like fart jokes
- like poorly developed characters and stories

I don't know anybody who likes anymore than 3 of those.

[fighthefutureofhd]

so you have to pretty much be a star wars fan then.

[Bruvydsb]

Pretty sure my 5 year old will still love it. (Thanks to the Lego Star Wars game)

[stockstar1138]

Originally Posted by fighthefutureofhd

so you have to pretty much be a star wars fan then.

but at the same time you can't be a star wars fan that doesn't mind farts, poop and a horrible story to be smeared across a star wars film.