Friends don’t like my girl. Advice?

[MaCruz]

So back in 2005 I had these two friends (a couple) who hung out with me a lot before I started dating LeAnn. Once we started dating, I saw them less often, but we all still hung out together on occasion.
However, after LeAnn and I had been dating for awhile, they invited me to dinner and proceeded to tell me how LeAnn was not good for me etc..

As you can guess, LeAnn did not take this well, especially since they flat out refused to talk to her about the problem when she wanted to just meet up and talk about it.

In 2007 we went to a wedding in which everyone was invited and my former best friend pulled me aside during the reception to talk to me regarding the whole scenario with me, friends, and LeAnn. During the long conversation in the heat.. LeAnn was left alone to be entertained by my friends, and I missed most of the reception. I thought that was messed up because my name was called and I wasn't there.

Ultimately, they don’t want to hang out with us anymore and generally if one of us is attending a get together, the other will not. Which really sucks for our mutual friends.

There is an upcoming birthday next Friday with my other best friend which I have not seen in months in which we all seem to want to attend, but it is not going to be very comfortable. I know this is not high school, and we are all grown adults but what should we do?

[xtop]

so 3 years later and they still don't approve of her..yet she's still around, so she obviously can't be that bad for you. (unless you're some kind of moron or something )

sounds to me like they're not what i'd call a friend

[Blu-Benny]

be the bigger person and go!!! if you're happy, they s/b happy for you.

and who wouldn't like leann??

[LeAnn]

4 years in August

I think it is ridiculous that I hung out with the girl and even helped her highlight her hair, which took HOURS, and she acted like we were all great friends, then totally trashed me to Macruz. BOOH.

Thanks Benny!

[xtop]

Originally Posted by LeAnn

4 years in August

I think it is ridiculous that I hung out with the girl and even helped her highlight her hair, which took HOURS, and she acted like we were all great friends, then totally trashed me to Macruz. BOOH.

Thanks Benny!

i feel bad for you, that's terrible. and puts both of you in such an awkward position.

i say get rid of these "friends". but i know thats easier said than done

[LeAnn]

I think that even if they don't like me, then they should still be willing to hang out with him if i am not there.

I hate awkward situations, but I wonder if we should ask the birthday guy what he would prefer?

[Blu-Benny]

Originally Posted by LeAnn

4 years in August

I think it is ridiculous that I hung out with the girl and even helped her highlight her hair, which took HOURS, and she acted like we were all great friends, then totally trashed me to Macruz. BOOH.

Thanks Benny!

i know girls like that!!! i live in a town where people have no problem talking about you behind your back and act like you're best friends to your face......adults too!!!

my town has less than 4000 people in it and almost everyone knows everyone.

and your welcome!!!

[MaCruz]

Originally Posted by Blu-Benny

be the bigger person and go!!! if you're happy, they s/b happy for you.

and who wouldn't like leann??

Well there was another wedding in 2007 that we joined and those 2 were there. We ended up sitting at a different table during the reception. We didn't say hi, or anything.

That's the last time I've seen them.

[xtop]

Originally Posted by LeAnn

I think that even if they don't like me, then they should still be willing to hang out with him if i am not there.

I hate awkward situations, but I wonder if we should ask the birthday guy what he would prefer?

do these people even have a reason for disliking you? you shouldn't have to cater to them..

[Blu-Benny]

Originally Posted by MaCruz

Well there was another wedding in 2007 that we joined and those 2 were there. We ended up sitting at a different table during the reception. We didn't say hi, or anything.

That's the last time I've seen them.

that sucks!!! i've been lucky w/my friends from high school.....4-5 of us used to hang out all of the time and we are all still friends and all of our wives get along as well.

and all of our kids are really close in age as well....so we'll be together at all of their things as they grow up as well.

i really feel for you guys....i had a friend all through grade school and he started dating a girl and he basically separated himself from all of us. now it's just weird talking to him.

[Mr. J]

What kind of friends are they to be like that. LeAnn is who you picked. Your so called friends need to deal with it. What they have against her doesn't matter. If they were your true friends then they would be happy that you and her are happy. I wouldn't consider them friends if they acted like that towards my girl, or wife in my case.

This is why I have so few friends!!

I say forget them. If you and LeAnn are happy, thats all that matters. You don't need anyone else. You sure as hell don't need friends in your circle that are that negative, especially after 4 damn years. If they can't see that you two are happy together, forget 'em.

Me personally, I wouldn't go. At some point in time you're gonna have to SHOW them that you choose her over them. Its your life. They don't control shit.

Sorry for being so blunt about it
It is what it is......tell them Mr. J said that

[MaCruz]

Originally Posted by xtop

do these people even have a reason for disliking you? you shouldn't have to cater to them..

It's a long story.

Friends A & B = them, the couple.

Friend C = my best friends brother in law

Friend D = LeAnn's former best friend, and a friend of A & B


In 2006.. LeAnn was talking to (C) to have him hook up with (D). This was before I started talking to LeAnn.
(B) was getting mad at LeAnn because she thought the LeAnn and (C) were interested in each other, but LeAnn was just trying to help (D) the entire time.

(C) was never interested in (D) since he was moving to Orlando.

So I came along and LeAnn and I started hanging out during my vacation in 2006. All of us hung out, but then things started changing months later.

A & B did not like it, and they thought LeAnn ditched her former best friend (D) just to talk to (C).

I tried to explain A & B over the phone, in person, but they never believed me. Friend (B) never showed her face to me, or didn't want to meet up and talk it over because there was so much confusion at the time and they never wanted to listen to what I had to say, so I just said whatever....
I think (B) is the HATER, while (A) doesn't want to listen and just agrees with his girl.

Long story short.

[PrivatePixel]

Originally Posted by LeAnn

I think that even if they don't like me, then they should still be willing to hang out with him if i am not there.

Your approach to the situation is an admirable one. In a utopic setting, everyone will get along well with each other, but as you've realized, this isn't always possible. As for the continued relationship between MaCruz and the friends in question, ultimately, it's his decision to make, and you should be commended for giving him the space to do so. Severing ties with long-standing friends is a very difficult decision for anyone to arrive at, and only he can decide what's in the best interest of those he grew up with, as well as with you moving forward.

I hate awkward situations, but I wonder if we should ask the birthday guy what he would prefer?

I think this is a tactful approach to the situation. If MaCruz's friend has no objection to your presence at his celebration, by all means, you should attend, even if his other friends in attendance feel otherwise. After all, it is his celebration, and he's free to extend (or decline) invitations to those who are going to partake in the festivities. Understandably, you may be hurt if his friend doesn't feel comfortable with you being there, but it's not something one should take personally. I've learnt a long time ago that you can't make everyone happy.

[john_1958]

Originally Posted by MaCruz

So back in 2005 I had these two friends (a couple) who hung out with me a lot before I started dating LeAnn. Once we started dating, I saw them less often, but we all still hung out together on occasion.
However, after LeAnn and I had been dating for awhile, they invited me to dinner and proceeded to tell me how LeAnn was not good for me etc..

As you can guess, LeAnn did not take this well, especially since they flat out refused to talk to her about the problem when she wanted to just meet up and talk about it.

In 2007 we went to a wedding in which everyone was invited and my former best friend pulled me aside during the reception to talk to me regarding the whole scenario with me, friends, and LeAnn. During the long conversation in the heat.. LeAnn was left alone to be entertained by my friends, and I missed most of the reception. I thought that was messed up because my name was called and I wasn't there.

Ultimately, they don’t want to hang out with us anymore and generally if one of us is attending a get together, the other will not. Which really sucks for our mutual friends.

There is an upcoming birthday next Friday with my other best friend which I have not seen in months in which we all seem to want to attend, but it is not going to be very comfortable. I know this is not high school, and we are all grown adults but what should we do?

obviously some people haven't grown up in other words they are not true friends
if they can't prove why leann isn't good for you then they have no merit

[mikejet]

LeAnn > *

[Rob71]

Umm I'm not trying to insult your friends, but... maybe you should suggest they take up a hobby. Seems they have way too much time on their hands. Try to get them interested in a home theater, that takes up all my free time.

[PrivatePixel]

Originally Posted by MaCruz

It's a long story.

............

I tried to explain A & B over the phone, in person, but they never believed me. Friend (B) never showed her face to me, or didn't want to meet up and talk it over because there was so much confusion at the time and they never wanted to listen to what I had to say, so I just said whatever....
I think (B) is the HATER, while (A) doesn't want to listen and just agrees with his girl.

Apparently, the fallout stemmed from a miscommunication between LeAnn and friends A and B. If friends A and B are unwilling to meet with you and/or LeAnn to resolve this, I think it speaks to their character as individuals. How long have you known friends A and B? If there's a significant history, it could complicate matters.

[Batman1980]

It seems to me you like LeAnn more than your friends and they may be jealous of that. If they're really your friends, they will want what's best for you and get over it. Talk to them about that and see what happens.

[Septimus Prime]

From what I've seen from this site, LeAnn is a great person, and I think I'm a pretty good judge of random strangers' character over the Internet.

[Marcus Wright]

Originally Posted by MaCruz

So back in 2005 I had these two friends (a couple) who hung out with me a lot before I started dating LeAnn. Once we started dating, I saw them less often, but we all still hung out together on occasion.
However, after LeAnn and I had been dating for awhile, they invited me to dinner and proceeded to tell me how LeAnn was not good for me etc..

As you can guess, LeAnn did not take this well, especially since they flat out refused to talk to her about the problem when she wanted to just meet up and talk about it.

In 2007 we went to a wedding in which everyone was invited and my former best friend pulled me aside during the reception to talk to me regarding the whole scenario with me, friends, and LeAnn. During the long conversation in the heat.. LeAnn was left alone to be entertained by my friends, and I missed most of the reception. I thought that was messed up because my name was called and I wasn't there.

Ultimately, they don’t want to hang out with us anymore and generally if one of us is attending a get together, the other will not. Which really sucks for our mutual friends.

There is an upcoming birthday next Friday with my other best friend which I have not seen in months in which we all seem to want to attend, but it is not going to be very comfortable. I know this is not high school, and we are all grown adults but what should we do?

Are you sure this is the whole story, it cant be that simple.

One piece of advice though. It depends on how much you trust your friends vs LeAnn.
Sometimes people next to you can see better, clearerer what is happening and whats best for you. I say this again works only in the condition that your friends really care for you honestly.

What is the relation between Leann and your family? If its good, and as family always wants the best for you, than I say smth is wrong with your friends.

Again, I need to know how much you beleive/trust in your friends to answer that question. I am pretty sure this argument is not a result of some specific incident, the problem lies deeper.