Breaking up with my girl before basic... - Blu-ray Forum

jcp42877 · 09-18-2013, 12:05 AM

Leaving for basic soon, and it's been on my mind more an more that I really don't need distractions when I'm away in the Navy, and I can't lie to myself anymore. But the real truth is, I'm just not in love with my GF anymore. I love her...but I'm not IN love with her, and I don't want to lie to her or lead a fake facade while I'm away and lie to myself. Plus there's just so many things about her that I see incompatible.

The problem lies in...I'm on vacation at the moment and she's back home. Well this epiphany of the decision I have to make occurred to me while I was here.

Well, I get back home Saturday...but this whole trip she's been texting me, and I've been doin my best to stay low key and somewhat unresponsive. She doesn't seem to be getting the memo that something's going to go down, even when I told her we needed to have a serious talk when I get back. My question is, if over the next few days she senses something is up and straight up texts or calls me asking "are you breaking up with me?!" What the hell do I say??

Do I lie and act like nothing's up then drop the hammer when I get home, or tell her the truth? Being away makes this situation very frustrating, and her being head over heels for me doesn't help how it'll go down (we've been together about a year and a half now..); but I have to do this. I know it's for the best.

UK_fan_05 · 09-18-2013, 01:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jcp42877

Leaving for basic soon, and it's been on my mind more an more that I really don't need distractions when I'm away in the Navy, and I can't lie to myself anymore. But the real truth is, I'm just not in love with my GF anymore. I love her...but I'm not IN love with her, and I don't want to lie to her or lead a fake facade while I'm away and lie to myself. Plus there's just so many things about her that I see incompatible.

The problem lies in...I'm on vacation at the moment and she's back home. Well this epiphany of the decision I have to make occurred to me while I was here.

Well, I get back home Saturday...but this whole trip she's been texting me, and I've been doin my best to stay low key and somewhat unresponsive. She doesn't seem to be getting the memo that something's going to go down, even when I told her we needed to have a serious talk when I get back. My question is, if over the next few days she senses something is up and straight up texts or calls me asking "are you breaking up with me?!" What the hell do I say??

Do I lie and act like nothing's up then drop the hammer when I get home, or tell her the truth? Being away makes this situation very frustrating, and her being head over heels for me doesn't help how it'll go down (we've been together about a year and a half now..); but I have to do this. I know it's for the best.

Don't lie. Yes, it would be better to have this conversation face to face but if she calls and asks, which she probably will, just flat out tell her. She got the memo, she is just trying to play it off. You will be doing yourself and her a favor by making this decision now instead of later.

More than likely though she has already told her friends, sisters, cousins, mom, and they are already discussing the possibilities of a break up or it could be the worst possible scenario in your situation. She could be hearing mumblings of a proposal .

Don't laugh but from my experience when girls hear the "we need to have a serious talk" line, their head goes toward breakup or taking the next step.

Tread lightly and thank you for your future service.

Blu Titan · 09-18-2013, 01:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jcp42877

Leaving for basic soon, and it's been on my mind more an more that I really don't need distractions when I'm away in the Navy, and I can't lie to myself anymore. But the real truth is, I'm just not in love with my GF anymore. I love her...but I'm not IN love with her, and I don't want to lie to her or lead a fake facade while I'm away and lie to myself. Plus there's just so many things about her that I see incompatible.

The problem lies in...I'm on vacation at the moment and she's back home. Well this epiphany of the decision I have to make occurred to me while I was here.

Well, I get back home Saturday...but this whole trip she's been texting me, and I've been doin my best to stay low key and somewhat unresponsive. She doesn't seem to be getting the memo that something's going to go down, even when I told her we needed to have a serious talk when I get back. My question is, if over the next few days she senses something is up and straight up texts or calls me asking "are you breaking up with me?!" What the hell do I say??

Do I lie and act like nothing's up then drop the hammer when I get home, or tell her the truth? Being away makes this situation very frustrating, and her being head over heels for me doesn't help how it'll go down (we've been together about a year and a half now..); but I have to do this. I know it's for the best.

It is best to be honest. Explain how you feel and end the relationship in the best possible terms...both of you will benefit in the long run.

Blu-Benny · 09-18-2013, 02:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blu Titan

It is best to be honest. Explain how you feel and end the relationship in the best possible terms...both of you will benefit in the long run.

^^^^this.

Visco. · 09-18-2013, 02:39 AM

I agree with both of the responses above.

BJKH · 09-18-2013, 03:02 AM

I'm a kid, however I believe that you should break up with her ASAP if that is really what you want to do.

Here's one of my favourite quotes from 'Moneyball':

"Wound you rather get a bullet to the head or five to the chest and bleed to death?"

Try and cause your girlfriend the least amount of pain possible.

Shpongle DMT · 09-18-2013, 03:37 AM

Good idea on breaking up with her since you're leaving for basic. Those long distance relationships never work, especially when your in the military. If you don't break up with her you will just have to listen to her whine about how lonely she is and how she always sees other couples hugging and stuff. Plus where ever you end up getting stationed will have plenty of new fish around to catch. You won't want to be tied down for that.

Hell, I broke up with a girl shortly before valentines day once when I found out I was about to get stationed in Kuwait for a year.

jcp42877 · 09-18-2013, 04:17 AM

Well unfortunately she figure it out tonight and it had to be done over phone. It hurt...I won't lie there. She was more emotional which I knew she would be, but it was emotionally draining for me to come clean with everything on my heart. There were some agree-to-disagree moments, but overall the last half of the conversation was very cordial and ended on good terms of us both thanking each othet for what we invested in one another.

Man, breaking hearts sucks. I've been the dumpee numerous times, but this is only the second time I've been the dumper, and I'll tell you, it doesn't get easier the second time around. I feel like I'm a star in 500 Days of Summer..

For the best though.

P@t_Mtl · 09-18-2013, 07:38 AM

Yes it's far from easy but don't forget that living with a lie is even worst in the long run. This hurt both of you now but was done with honesty and it will heal faster. Dragging this on for months or years just make's it much worst. Good luck in your training and I hope you don't end in dangerous situation in your Navy career.

jcp42877 · 09-18-2013, 03:41 PM

I appreciate everyone's helpful advice and words of encouragement on my career path. It's nice to actually hear some mature responses every now and then.

Fortion · 09-18-2013, 05:37 PM

being honest is difficult but it always pays off rather than the pile of lies whuch when goes down also takes trust with it

The Great Owl · 09-18-2013, 06:30 PM

In the past, it's been twice as difficult for me to dump someone than it has been to be dumped. It's just a tough step to take, so you have my sympathies.

Best of luck with your basic training! You did the right thing facing something that has been on your mind, so you can now move on with your life in good conscience.

videohead · 09-20-2013, 06:30 PM

"Breaking up is hard to do" - what the dr said while doing my webbed feet correction surgery

Mr.Twinks · 09-20-2013, 06:39 PM

You did the right thing op. You need to concentrate on your career and it is very hard for S/O to adapt to the military life. Most guys I knew in the military were all divorced/broken up before their mid 20's.

Thank you for your service btw!

09-18-2013, 12:05 AM	#1
jcp42877 Senior Member Member since:Feb 2013 Location:Chesapeake, VA Trading Score:242	Breaking up with my girl before basic... Leaving for basic soon, and it's been on my mind more an more that I really don't need distractions when I'm away in the Navy, and I can't lie to myself anymore. But the real truth is, I'm just not in love with my GF anymore. I love her...but I'm not IN love with her, and I don't want to lie to her or lead a fake facade while I'm away and lie to myself. Plus there's just so many things about her that I see incompatible. The problem lies in...I'm on vacation at the moment and she's back home. Well this epiphany of the decision I have to make occurred to me while I was here. Well, I get back home Saturday...but this whole trip she's been texting me, and I've been doin my best to stay low key and somewhat unresponsive. She doesn't seem to be getting the memo that something's going to go down, even when I told her we needed to have a serious talk when I get back. My question is, if over the next few days she senses something is up and straight up texts or calls me asking "are you breaking up with me?!" What the hell do I say?? Do I lie and act like nothing's up then drop the hammer when I get home, or tell her the truth? Being away makes this situation very frustrating, and her being head over heels for me doesn't help how it'll go down (we've been together about a year and a half now..); but I have to do this. I know it's for the best. Last edited by jcp42877; 09-18-2013 at 12:11 AM.

09-18-2013, 04:17 AM	#8
jcp42877 Senior Member Member since:Feb 2013 Location:Chesapeake, VA Trading Score:242	Well unfortunately she figure it out tonight and it had to be done over phone. It hurt...I won't lie there. She was more emotional which I knew she would be, but it was emotionally draining for me to come clean with everything on my heart. There were some agree-to-disagree moments, but overall the last half of the conversation was very cordial and ended on good terms of us both thanking each othet for what we invested in one another. Man, breaking hearts sucks. I've been the dumpee numerous times, but this is only the second time I've been the dumper, and I'll tell you, it doesn't get easier the second time around. I feel like I'm a star in 500 Days of Summer.. For the best though. Last edited by jcp42877; 09-18-2013 at 04:19 AM.

09-18-2013, 02:39 AM	#5
Visco. Blu-ray Knight Member since:Oct 2012 Location:Columbus, Ohio Blu-ray collection:662 DVD collection:24 Prime collection:1 Trading Score:36	I agree with both of the responses above.

09-18-2013, 03:02 AM	#6
BJKH Blu-ray Guru Top contributor Member since:Oct 2011 Location:Canada 4K collection:57 Blu-ray collection:590 DVD collection:66 Trading Score:1	I'm a kid, however I believe that you should break up with her ASAP if that is really what you want to do. Here's one of my favourite quotes from 'Moneyball': "Wound you rather get a bullet to the head or five to the chest and bleed to death?" Try and cause your girlfriend the least amount of pain possible.

09-18-2013, 03:37 AM	#7
Shpongle DMT Member Member since:Jun 2013 Location:Kansas City	Good idea on breaking up with her since you're leaving for basic. Those long distance relationships never work, especially when your in the military. If you don't break up with her you will just have to listen to her whine about how lonely she is and how she always sees other couples hugging and stuff. Plus where ever you end up getting stationed will have plenty of new fish around to catch. You won't want to be tied down for that. Hell, I broke up with a girl shortly before valentines day once when I found out I was about to get stationed in Kuwait for a year.

09-18-2013, 07:38 AM	#9
P@t_Mtl Blu-ray Duke Member since:Sep 2008 Location:Montreal Home Theater Gallery:4 Blu-ray collection:452 DVD collection:513 Trading Score:3	Yes it's far from easy but don't forget that living with a lie is even worst in the long run. This hurt both of you now but was done with honesty and it will heal faster. Dragging this on for months or years just make's it much worst. Good luck in your training and I hope you don't end in dangerous situation in your Navy career.

09-18-2013, 03:41 PM	#10
jcp42877 Senior Member Member since:Feb 2013 Location:Chesapeake, VA Trading Score:242	I appreciate everyone's helpful advice and words of encouragement on my career path. It's nice to actually hear some mature responses every now and then.

09-18-2013, 05:37 PM	#11
Fortion Expert Member Member since:Jul 2013	being honest is difficult but it always pays off rather than the pile of lies whuch when goes down also takes trust with it

09-18-2013, 06:30 PM	#12
The Great Owl Blu-ray Archduke Member since:Dec 2012 Location:Georgia 4K collection:924 Blu-ray collection:6033 DVD collection:28 Blu-ray reviews: 255 Trading Score:6	In the past, it's been twice as difficult for me to dump someone than it has been to be dumped. It's just a tough step to take, so you have my sympathies. Best of luck with your basic training! You did the right thing facing something that has been on your mind, so you can now move on with your life in good conscience.

09-20-2013, 06:30 PM	#13
videohead Expert Member Member since:Oct 2011 Location:ontario, california Home Theater Gallery:4 Blu-ray collection:780 DVD collection:12 Trading Score:7	"Breaking up is hard to do" - what the dr said while doing my webbed feet correction surgery

09-20-2013, 06:39 PM	#14
Mr.Twinks Special Member Member since:Aug 2011 Location:Minnesota! 4K collection:3 Blu-ray collection:147 DVD collection:1	You did the right thing op. You need to concentrate on your career and it is very hard for S/O to adapt to the military life. Most guys I knew in the military were all divorced/broken up before their mid 20's. Thank you for your service btw!

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