[Show spoiler]As much of a cinema nerd as I am, I’ve always toyed and tinkered around with trying to create a solid top 100 list of best and favorite movies. It’s never been truly definitive, because tastes change in time; I tend to love certain movies one moment, only to discover later that they had weaknesses or no real lasting power.
Thus, I decided to recalculate things. Instead of focusing just on movie ratings and my gut instinct, I analyzed each film’s entertainment value, storytelling prowess, craftsmanship, and perhaps most importantly, whether or not a film truly resonates with me. The results have been surprising, but I got to admit, it makes for a list that I can truly call definitive.
Before I divulge into talking about my faves, I’ve also taken the liberty of looking at the bottom of the list, to create a top 100 list of least favorite movies. These are movies that barely entertain (those that achieve a good entertainment score are often entertaining for all the wrong reasons), have terrible stories, and show poor craftsmanship. It’s pretty darn incredible to think that I’ve managed to sit through all of these, and it’s a little disconcerting that I actually own some of these. A few are highly-regarded, but I’ve never been one to allow acclaim and prestige to skew my opinions; whether it’s a polished arthouse work, a multi-million-dollar blockbuster, or something made in a dude’s back yard...if it rubbed me the wrong way, it made the list. Chances are good that my opinion could be totally changed on some of these, but at the time of this writing, this list is definitive (and most of these films are really bad).
So, without further ado, here it is…Al’s Top 100 Worst Movies:
100:
[Show spoiler]"Inland Empire" (sorry squiddy )
Three letters define this film...WTF?!!
This movie makes it at the very brink of the list because it is easily the weirdest film I’ve ever seen. And yes, it is weirder than “Eraserhead.” In fact, both films are made by the same director: David Lynch. “Eraserhead” is a so weird and memorable of a trip that it manages to come off as a work of brilliance in its own twisted way; “Inland Empire” is more like an epic convoluted mess. It runs for three hours, and is loaded up with scenes that make very little sense (including numerous scenes in which a family of bunny rabbits sit in a living room). Those who are artistically inclined will likely draw solid interpretations and theories from the film, and may even declare it a masterpiece in its own right. As for myself, I’m left wondering “what the Hell was that?!”
Naturally, romance movies aren’t my forte. Most fall in the vast gray area in between being “good” and “bad.” But this one makes the list because I have an exceptional abhorrence towards it. For the most part, I feel that the main character is a flake; she goes through the motions of finding enlightenment of sorts, but her international journey comes off as a contrived and shallow effort. Without learning or understanding anything, it’s just a movie about a dippy woman who travels, eats a lot, talks to people, finds a cool dude, falls in love, and that’s it. Come to think of it, that’s much of a story, is it? The best that can be said is that the film looks pretty.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor | Film: Good | Resonance: Very Low
98:
[Show spoiler]“Jaws: The Revenge”
Stalk much?
Look out! The shark will follow you across the world and eat you! “Jaws 3-D” was pushing things as it was; it entertained, but it also had some fairly dumb moments. This fourth installment is just all-around asinine, as it is dull and unmemorable. I recommend the first two movies instead.
Funnily enough, this is not the only movie on the list involving sharks…
Entertainment: Average | Story: Average | Film: Average | Resonance: None
97:
[Show spoiler]“Behind Enemy Lines”
Run away from the film! RUN!!!
This was a fairly promising, action-packed war flick of sorts. It has a very simple, easily-digestible premise, loaded up with frequent action scenes and a gripping struggle for survival. In professional hands (maybe from somebody like Ridley Scott, Steven Spielberg, etc), it could have really been something epic. As it is, the film is a stylistic mess. It seems that more than half of it is filmed with the erratic hand-held shakey-cam effect…but then the film speeds it up, slows it down, and pauses for some frames, serving to turn an already unbearable filming style into brutal torture. And without any substance in the story to redeem it, the film comes off as a gaudy and indistinct. While I’m sure this film has a following, I find it way too agitating to watch.
I’ve never been wholly fond of the “Halloween” movies to start with; I find the first one rather dull, and actually prefer the second, third, and fourth ones instead. Number five was somewhat entertaining; I don’t care for number six; H20 looks slick, but I don’t care for it that much. So, “Halloween: Resurrection” is the eighth in the series; it pits Michael Meyers against a group of kids with cameras. That means the film itself is shot from the point-of-view from those cameras, giving the film that same shakey and erratic hand-held charm that went into the “Blair Witch Project.” The story for this is extremely thin, and the characters tend to be quite stupid. Thus, the film proves to be only marginally entertaining (and certainly not scary).
Hollywood’s attempt to bring the popular anime series to the big screen resulted in a film that’s all style and no substance…as usual. I still haven’t seen the original “DBZ,” but I keep hearing good things about it, and this movie makes a butchery out of it. The story? It has something to do with a kid getting all superpowered and stopping a green bad guy from doing evil stuff. The film? Rather cheap and cheesy. Does it entertain? Somewhat, but interested parties can probably do better with the original Japanese cartoon.
The first “Rebirth of Mothra” film is so stupid, so cheap, so awful in its execution, it makes me laugh for the whole two hours, turning it into one of the most unintentionally funny films of all time. I think that’s the only reason why it didn’t make this list, but its sequel did. This sequel sets out to be a little more earnest, but winds up being less entertaining or memorable that way. At this point, all I remember about it is the big, fluffy, fake-looking moth, and a bunch of people running around some pyramids or something. Chances are that kids might dig this material, but I seriously don’t recommend either “Rebirth of Mothra” films.
A moderately entertaining martial arts action flick, but of a rather poor quality. I don’t really remember the story for this, but I do remember that the fight scenes, and most setpieces, are quite cheap and cheesy.
Entertainment: Pretty Good | Story: Poor | Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Low
92:
[Show spoiler]“Hologram Man”
This could be the most entertaining film on this list; it’s loaded up with lots of shootouts and fights and stuff! However, this film is as cheap as they come, especially in regards to its special effects. The story for this is quite absurd. Like a hologram, it’s fun, but lacking in solid substance.
The bird's cute...until it starts defecating on the walls for no reason...
The first “Scary Movie” movie pushed my limit for what’s tasteful and “funny.” This follow-up offers much more of the same, including a lot more sick, gross, and vulgar comedy. It disgusted me ten years ago; if I revisit it today, I predict that it still won’t make me laugh that much, even if I could stomach the crudeness. The film has nothing much beneath the surface either; the story is as weak as it could possibly be (despite the comedic possibility of lampooning haunted house stories), and the film shows minimal craftsmanship.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Very Poor | Film: Marginal | Resonance: Marginal
90:
[Show spoiler]“Creepshow 3”
Your face after watching this movie.
This series just isn’t much without George A Romero and Stephen King behind the wheel. This comes off as a “Creepshow” wannabe; its spirit is misdirected, the stories are all wrong, and the film itself seems amateurish. It is mildly interesting at times, but hardly enough to call it worth the time. It’s much better to stick with the first two movies. Want more? There are always films like “Tales from the Dark Side,” “Cat’s Eye,” “Trick R Treat,” and “Chillerama” to quench your thirst for horror story anthologies. By all means, stay away from this monstrosity!
Interestingly, this is a Finnish film about Chinese warriors and stuff. The film does have its nice, visual moments, and the story tries its best to create a good narrative structure. Unfortunately, the movie fails to really capture interest, especially since there are myriads of better epics out there.
This original caper has all the star power and tries its best to be snazzy. Back in the day, it probably was. These days, it’s fallen in the shadow of Stephen Soderbergh’s hip and stylish remake, which blows all this out of the water. Even on its own merits, the original “Ocean’s 11” is not really all that thrilling, and I couldn’t care less about its story or craftsmanship.
Entertainment: Poor | Story: Average | Film: Average | Very Low
87:
[Show spoiler]“Manchurian Candidate” (2004)
I believe in Harvey Dent. ...oops, wrong movie...
The original “Manchurian Candidate” had enough substance to go with its style; in fact, the substance is pretty hard-hitting, if you stop to consider the possibilities. Adapting this same story for the modern age just doesn’t work all that well; the basic concept of brainwashing a political candidate could certainly be possible at any era, but the story in this remake comes off as way too convoluted, trying too hard to mix up the old with the new. Even with quality actors putting on quality performances, none of the characters really stood out. The film offers some really trippy effects, but overall it’s still not as effective as the original. In all fields, the original film dominates.
Entertainment: Poor | Story: Average | Film: Average | Resonance: Very Low
86:
[Show spoiler]“The Doomsday Machine”
Spacemen travel in style!
A fairly entertaining sci-fi flick, about a group of astronauts sent into space as the world explodes. So naturally, it’s up to them to settle somewhere and repopulate the species. It’s a fairly interesting plot, marred by one too many stupid moments, and further inhibited by an extremely weak production value. The redeeming value is, among all B-movies, this one does entertain.
This production had a promising concept. The idea of presenting this monster invasion story all from the perspective of a dude’s camera (taping over some footage of an old girlfriend) does offer solid narrative and stylistic opportunities. Unfortunately, with the first half-hour spent at a stupid party filled with stupid immature kids, I was left hating all of them and wishing the monster would devour them all. When the awesome action scenes do finally appear, it’s way too hard to see what’s going on, thanks to the herky-jerky camera movements. I think I’ll stick with Roland Emmerich’s “Godzilla,” thank you very much…
Entertainment: Average | Story: Average | Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Low
84:
[Show spoiler]“The People That Time Forgot”
The one and only cool place in the movie.
This follow-up to “The Land That Time Forgot” presents a mildly interesting adventure that pits explorers against natives, with lots of crazy erupting volcanoes and stuff. It entertains okay, but doesn’t really have an engaging story, and part of the film look pretty darn cheap and gaudy. At this point, I’m ready to forget about this film, just like time did.
[Show spoiler]“Three Kingdoms: Resurrection of the Dragon”
You know, after seeing so many historical epics coming out of Asia, they all start to run together. I don’t even remember what’s so great about this movie, much less what could set it apart from “Mulan,” “Red Cliff,” “War of Arrows,” “Warlords,” that Genghis Kahn movie, or God knows what else. Mildly entertaining, but utterly forgettable.
That’s right, Kevin Sorbo, the dude who once played Hercules, starred in his very own fantasy epic. He tried his best to best the machismo of “Conan the Barbarian,” but he resulted in making a movie out of nothing but cheese. I can’t say I remember the plot, and I certainly couldn’t tell you if it really matters or not. That’s just how memorable this schlock is.
You know, I actually found this one (along with #3) way funnier than the first two “Scary Movie” movies. That doesn’t mean it’s really that great. This storyline pretty much rehashes the exact same formula of “Scary Movie 3,” and just swaps out the movies and pop culture references that the movie parodied. The result: a movie that looks and acts the part, but is dumber than dirt.
Entertainment: Good | Story: Awful | Film: Average | Resonance: Very Low
80:
[Show spoiler]“Superman IV: The Quest for Peace”
Watching this movie makes me scream and shoot lightning from my hands, just like this!
Wow, I didn’t think it could get worse than “Superman III,” but somehow it did. I’ll hand it to the film that it does achieve some level of coolness with Nuclear Man, and his epic pursuit of the Man of Steel. The story is noble, as it tries to emphasize nuclear disarmament, but it also comes off as pushy (and perhaps a little naive, for us right-wing folks). Thanks to a barrage of budget cuts and cutting corners, the film suffers tremendously, and it really is the worst Superman movie to date (hopefully, it’ll stay that way; I got high hopes for Zack Snyder’s upcoming reboot).
Entertainment: Pretty Good | Story: Very Poor | Film: Poor | Resonance: Low
Musicals are too fake. People do not bust out into song and dance in real life, and therefore it should not be a film genre. They are way too happy and cheery and should not be tolerated.
I especially hate the classics like The Sound of Music, Fiddler on the Roof, Kiss Me Kate, Oliver, The King and I, Grease, My Fair Lady etc.
Wizard of Oz gets a pass because it is a "Fantasy" genre film that just happens to contain singing and dancing. It really isnt a musical.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show also gets a pass, as it is a Science Fiction Rock Opera, not a musical.
Song and dance is completely acceptable in films like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Tangled because they are animated, and by nature unrealistic to begin with.
These are the correct rules of enjoyment. Please adhere to them.
What is ironic is, I usually hate shakey cam. It was KILLING me in Quantum of Solace. I think it worked for me in Cloverfield because it was one of the "actual characters" filming the events.
dunno
It's the opposite for me; I liked "QoS" but disliked "CF" (among others). I suspect it's because the camera in "QoS" is steady, but has extremely fast editing, whereas "CF" has less cuts but a lot more camera movement. Thus, I conclude that camera moves irritate me more than fast edits.
It's a personal choice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SquidPuppet
I agree that the opening party scenes drug on far too long.
A GP fan. I dont know about greatest though. I'd go Rainey or Hailwood.
Who do you follow these days? I Have been supporting Jorge.
I've phased out to be honest.After watching the great 80's early 90's,I lost interest.Shame about Rainey though.Nicer man you'd be hard pressed to find. Iloved Schwantz because of his out-there style.Kind of like predecessor to Garry McCoy if you know what you mean.Jorge is very good,but have to get a few more seasons below his belt,and he has done 2! autobiographies already if the rumours are true.What's up with that?
Sorry for off-topic rambling.Roll on movie discussion BTW:You seen TT3D? Awesome!
Tobe Hooper directed this remake of the original 70’s slasher, and he did succeed in making it stylish. Unfortunately, it still looks really cheap, and the story leaves much to be desired. The characters are so poorly developed, I was actually rooting for the serial killer to pick them off. For that matter, I would have been grateful if somebody broke into the house and killed the movie while it was in progress…
Entertainment: Poor | Story: Very Poor | Film: Marginal | Resonance: Very Low
78:
[Show spoiler]“Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow”
Well, this movie certainly does have an aesthetic appeal. It’s got plenty of cool-looking airships and dogfights and retro-futuristic stuff! For some odd reason, its execution didn’t appeal. The film is cheesy, for better or for worse, and the frequent special effects looks pretty cheap. Overall, the film just didn’t grab me the way I wanted it to, and thus it failed to resonate. Maybe in Spielberg handled this material, it could have really been something…
[Show spoiler]“The Haunted World of El Superbeasto”
This was also my expression while watching the movie...
Rob Zombie’s cartoon has its moments. It is somewhat fun to geek out at all the horror movie references and parodies. Unfortunately, despite a few good jokes, the film’s comedy is a huge hit-or-a-miss. The story is so stupid and irreverent, the movie probably would have been better without one. The animation is appealing, but the film overall feels every bit as trashy as Rob Zombie’s music (and in this case, mixing trashiness with animation just didn’t work). Nope, I like “Drawn Together” instead.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Awful | Film: Average | Resonance: Low
76:
[Show spoiler]“Scooby Doo”
Get off!!!
Turning this classic animated character into a live-action film with (gaudy-looking) CGI graphics will undoubtedly appeal more to a younger demographic of viewers. From this adult’s standpoint, the movie is pretty darn cheap and stupid. It might be forgivable, if it wasn’t for a terrible last act that turns one of the classic characters into a monstrosity of a villain (literally). Watching this film is an embarrassment.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Very Poor | Film: Marginal | Resonance: Low
75:
[Show spoiler]“S. Darko”
“Donnie Darko” was an interesting, mystifying, addicting Rubik’s cube of a movie. Then along came this mean sister of a film, which takes that Rubik’s cube and smashes it to the ground, so that all the little colored cubes are scattered all over the place with no real reason or meaning. “S. Darko” does have some nice camera work and it is somewhat entertaining, but the plot is convoluted and all mixed to Hell. It’s best to stick with the big brother instead.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor | Film: Marginal | Resonance: Very Low
74:
[Show spoiler]“Ice Pirates”
One of the film's more awkward moments...
This is a movie about a universe where all water is controlled by some evil empire. Like no other place in all of mortal existence can produce H2O; what a stupid concept! Good news is, this is not a movie meant to be taken seriously; as a self-conscious comedy, spoofing off of space-aged science fiction fantasies, the movie does offer a few good laughs. However, the story is as stupid as it gets, and the film looks pretty darn cheap.
This film does have some cool-looking parts, as warriors use sorcery to manipulate winds and water to send swords flying all over the place. Still, the story didn’t really stand out much, and the film looks pretty dreadful at times (especially with its overabundance of bad-looking special effects). Compared to myriads of other Asian fantasy films, this one just gets lost in the flood.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor | Film: Poor | Resonance: Very Poor
72:
[Show spoiler]“Super Mario Bros”
They took one of the most seminal video games of all time and turned it into a “Blade Runner” knock-off…with giant mutant reptiles…and old-school rap music. This stupid story is made even more dumb with one too many stupid, cheesy moments and lines. The movie overall looks weird and dreadful. In the end, if it had any more cheese, the film reel would be a pizza pie!
Entertainment: Good | Story: Very Poor | Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Low
71:
[Show spoiler]“Gunfighter” (1999)
Not to be confused with the 1950 classic western of the same name (which I still haven’t seen), this is a cheap and silly western directed by Christopher Coppola. Once I took a look at the actual film, I realized I mistook Chris with Francis (although, as you may see later, even Francis Ford Coppola has his bad films). This film offers a nice narrative structure, but it’s still a dumb story hardly worth telling. Above all, the film is so chap and bad-looking, it’s laughable. It’s almost one of those “so bad it’s good” kind of movies. Watch at your own peril!
Entertainment: Good | Story: Very Poor | Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Low
70:
[Show spoiler]“In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale”
Continuing in his streak of taking good video game franchises and destroying them, the good doctor Uwe Boll turns takes on Dungeon Siege franchise and uses it as his chance to try and rival something like “The Lord of the Rings.” The result? He made a film that’s so long, it gets boring. Even the battle scenes are boring, offering little to no variation or peril to keep them interesting. The film does have a few nice-looking moments, and the actors are earnest. Still, going through this film can be like an endurance test. Did I mention that this stupid movie has absolutely zilch to do with the original video game?!
[Show spoiler]“Dumb and Dumberer: How Harry Met Lloyd”
The evolution of dumb. Yeah, that's the movie's actual tagline...
I got to hand it to the actors, they did a phenomenal job at matching up their performances with Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels in the original “Dumb and Dumber.” Unfortunately, the story, the comedy, the film itself, is all way too dumberer than it should be.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor | Film: Poor | Resonance: Very Low
[Show spoiler]
68:
[Show spoiler]“Zaat”
This mutant product from Florida could be one of those movies that’s so bad it’s laughable. But boy, it sure is bad! Showcasing the ambitions of a mad scientist who turns into a fish monster with a grand delusion to conquer the world, he goes about polluting everything with a single spray bottle of ooze, and terrorizes women for kicks. Yep, it’s stupid, and the film itself looks incredibly cheap and fake.
Entertainment: Pretty Good | Story: Very Poor | Film: Awful | Resonance: Average
67:
[Show spoiler]“10.5 Apocalypse”
Surf's up, dudes!!!
This film does manage to entertain well enough, with large amounts of mass destruction. As usual with many disaster movies (especially from the Sci-Fi channel…and I still refuse to call it “Sy-Fy”), the story is pretty darn stupid, and the film is quite poor in quality.
This cheap little film has a good amount of ambition. It does have a lot of interesting special effects; they’re really awful-looking, but they are still pretty interesting. The story goes all over the place, but it does have its moments, and tries its best to be sci-fi of a thought-provoking sort. Unfortunately, the story still leaves much to be desired, and the film overall looks very poor.
Oh yeah, this movie is every bit as bad as the title (what the heck is beyond space anyway? Who are "they?"). It involves a bunch of space rocks taking people over and making them to diabolical things. The film plays out rather dryly, and the story could have had better execution if it wasn’t for the gaudy-looking production value.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor| Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Low
64:
[Show spoiler]“Bridge to Hell”
From what little I can remember of this incredibly dull and generic action flick, it entertained well enough. There just wasn’t much of a story, and the film quality is bad.
Entertainment: Pretty Good | Story: Poor | Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Very Low
63:
[Show spoiler]“The Werewolf of Washington”
Candidate for the 2012 elections. Yeah, the choices are getting worse all the time...
A dull experience overall, with a dull story, filmed in a dull fashion. It’s certainly not memorable. I don’t even remember what the werewolf in Washington looked like. The only good thing about this will be in watching Dean Stockwell’s performance, but you can surely find better alternatives than this.
This film presents the idea that war could be packaged, sold, and controlled like a corporate product. Unfortunately, this film does nothing to make the concept interesting on any level; the film fails to induce interest (or laughter, since this is a comedy of sorts) and craft any workable story. The film looks decent enough; it’s a shame that it doesn’t really have anything fun or important to say.
Entertainment: Poor | Story: Poor | Film: Average | Resonance: Very Low
61:
[Show spoiler]“Shrooms”
A horror story revolving around mushroom eating. Or so I assume. You know, I forgot about most of this film, because it’s utterly forgettable. It looks well-made and all, but doesn’t really have much of a story, and it’s not particularly engaging. Horror film fans can probably dig it pretty well, but it didn’t do much for me.
Last time I checked, this was at the very bottom of imdb’s bottom 100 list. It’s there for a good reason: despite one or two amusing moments, the film is not all that funny or fun. The story’s pretty dumb. The film has a fairly cheap production design. In the end, it’s not all that memorable either.
I've phased out to be honest.After watching the great 80's early 90's,I lost interest.Shame about Rainey though.Nicer man you'd be hard pressed to find. Iloved Schwantz because of his out-there style.Kind of like predecessor to Garry McCoy if you know what you mean.Jorge is very good,but have to get a few more seasons below his belt,and he has done 2! autobiographies already if the rumours are true.What's up with that?
Sorry for off-topic rambling.Roll on movie discussion BTW:You seen TT3D? Awesome!
Yeah, the loss of the two strokes was a crushing blow for me, but its been in my DNA since I was four years old, so I cant escape the addiction.
I have this in my collection. But Duke has been getting really bad about what they release over here in the US. The audio is sublime on this.
Tobe Hooper directed this remake of the original 70’s slasher, and he did succeed in making it stylish. Unfortunately, it still looks really cheap, and the story leaves much to be desired. The characters are so poorly developed, I was actually rooting for the serial killer to pick them off. For that matter, I would have been grateful if somebody broke into the house and killed the movie while it was in progress…
Entertainment: Poor | Story: Very Poor | Film: Marginal | Resonance: Very Low
78:
[Show spoiler]“Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow”
Well, this movie certainly does have an aesthetic appeal. It’s got plenty of cool-looking airships and dogfights and retro-futuristic stuff! For some odd reason, its execution didn’t appeal. The film is cheesy, for better or for worse, and the frequent special effects looks pretty cheap. Overall, the film just didn’t grab me the way I wanted it to, and thus it failed to resonate. Maybe in Spielberg handled this material, it could have really been something…
[Show spoiler]“The Haunted World of El Superbeasto”
This was also my expression while watching the movie...
Rob Zombie’s cartoon has its moments. It is somewhat fun to geek out at all the horror movie references and parodies. Unfortunately, despite a few good jokes, the film’s comedy is a huge hit-or-a-miss. The story is so stupid and irreverent, the movie probably would have been better without one. The animation is appealing, but the film overall feels every bit as trashy as Rob Zombie’s music (and in this case, mixing trashiness with animation just didn’t work). Nope, I like “Drawn Together” instead.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Awful | Film: Average | Resonance: Low
76:
[Show spoiler]“Scooby Doo”
Get off!!!
Turning this classic animated character into a live-action film with (gaudy-looking) CGI graphics will undoubtedly appeal more to a younger demographic of viewers. From this adult’s standpoint, the movie is pretty darn cheap and stupid. It might be forgivable, if it wasn’t for a terrible last act that turns one of the classic characters into a monstrosity of a villain (literally). Watching this film is an embarrassment.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Very Poor | Film: Marginal | Resonance: Low
75:
[Show spoiler]“S. Darko”
“Donnie Darko” was an interesting, mystifying, addicting Rubik’s cube of a movie. Then along came this mean sister of a film, which takes that Rubik’s cube and smashes it to the ground, so that all the little colored cubes are scattered all over the place with no real reason or meaning. “S. Darko” does have some nice camera work and it is somewhat entertaining, but the plot is convoluted and all mixed to Hell. It’s best to stick with the big brother instead.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor | Film: Marginal | Resonance: Very Low
74:
[Show spoiler]“Ice Pirates”
One of the film's more awkward moments...
This is a movie about a universe where all water is controlled by some evil empire. Like no other place in all of mortal existence can produce H2O; what a stupid concept! Good news is, this is not a movie meant to be taken seriously; as a self-conscious comedy, spoofing off of space-aged science fiction fantasies, the movie does offer a few good laughs. However, the story is as stupid as it gets, and the film looks pretty darn cheap.
This film does have some cool-looking parts, as warriors use sorcery to manipulate winds and water to send swords flying all over the place. Still, the story didn’t really stand out much, and the film looks pretty dreadful at times (especially with its overabundance of bad-looking special effects). Compared to myriads of other Asian fantasy films, this one just gets lost in the flood.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor | Film: Poor | Resonance: Very Poor
72:
[Show spoiler]“Super Mario Bros”
They took one of the most seminal video games of all time and turned it into a “Blade Runner” knock-off…with giant mutant reptiles…and old-school rap music. This stupid story is made even more dumb with one too many stupid, cheesy moments and lines. The movie overall looks weird and dreadful. In the end, if it had any more cheese, the film reel would be a pizza pie!
Entertainment: Good | Story: Very Poor | Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Low
71:
[Show spoiler]“Gunfighter” (1999)
Not to be confused with the 1950 classic western of the same name (which I still haven’t seen), this is a cheap and silly western directed by Christopher Coppola. Once I took a look at the actual film, I realized I mistook Chris with Francis (although, as you may see later, even Francis Ford Coppola has his bad films). This film offers a nice narrative structure, but it’s still a dumb story hardly worth telling. Above all, the film is so chap and bad-looking, it’s laughable. It’s almost one of those “so bad it’s good” kind of movies. Watch at your own peril!
Entertainment: Good | Story: Very Poor | Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Low
70:
[Show spoiler]“In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale”
Continuing in his streak of taking good video game franchises and destroying them, the good doctor Uwe Boll turns takes on Dungeon Siege franchise and uses it as his chance to try and rival something like “The Lord of the Rings.” The result? He made a film that’s so long, it gets boring. Even the battle scenes are boring, offering little to no variation or peril to keep them interesting. The film does have a few nice-looking moments, and the actors are earnest. Still, going through this film can be like an endurance test. Did I mention that this stupid movie has absolutely zilch to do with the original video game?!
[Show spoiler]“Dumb and Dumberer: How Harry Met Lloyd”
The evolution of dumb. Yeah, that's the movie's actual tagline...
I got to hand it to the actors, they did a phenomenal job at matching up their performances with Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels in the original “Dumb and Dumber.” Unfortunately, the story, the comedy, the film itself, is all way too dumberer than it should be.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor | Film: Poor | Resonance: Very Low
[Show spoiler]
68:
[Show spoiler]“Zaat”
This mutant product from Florida could be one of those movies that’s so bad it’s laughable. But boy, it sure is bad! Showcasing the ambitions of a mad scientist who turns into a fish monster with a grand delusion to conquer the world, he goes about polluting everything with a single spray bottle of ooze, and terrorizes women for kicks. Yep, it’s stupid, and the film itself looks incredibly cheap and fake.
Entertainment: Pretty Good | Story: Very Poor | Film: Awful | Resonance: Average
67:
[Show spoiler]“10.5 Apocalypse”
Surf's up, dudes!!!
This film does manage to entertain well enough, with large amounts of mass destruction. As usual with many disaster movies (especially from the Sci-Fi channel…and I still refuse to call it “Sy-Fy”), the story is pretty darn stupid, and the film is quite poor in quality.
This cheap little film has a good amount of ambition. It does have a lot of interesting special effects; they’re really awful-looking, but they are still pretty interesting. The story goes all over the place, but it does have its moments, and tries its best to be sci-fi of a thought-provoking sort. Unfortunately, the story still leaves much to be desired, and the film overall looks very poor.
Oh yeah, this movie is every bit as bad as the title (what the heck is beyond space anyway? Who are "they?"). It involves a bunch of space rocks taking people over and making them to diabolical things. The film plays out rather dryly, and the story could have had better execution if it wasn’t for the gaudy-looking production value.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor| Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Low
64:
[Show spoiler]“Bridge to Hell”
From what little I can remember of this incredibly dull and generic action flick, it entertained well enough. There just wasn’t much of a story, and the film quality is bad.
Entertainment: Pretty Good | Story: Poor | Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Very Low
63:
[Show spoiler]“The Werewolf of Washington”
Candidate for the 2012 elections. Yeah, the choices are getting worse all the time...
A dull experience overall, with a dull story, filmed in a dull fashion. It’s certainly not memorable. I don’t even remember what the werewolf in Washington looked like. The only good thing about this will be in watching Dean Stockwell’s performance, but you can surely find better alternatives than this.
This film presents the idea that war could be packaged, sold, and controlled like a corporate product. Unfortunately, this film does nothing to make the concept interesting on any level; the film fails to induce interest (or laughter, since this is a comedy of sorts) and craft any workable story. The film looks decent enough; it’s a shame that it doesn’t really have anything fun or important to say.
Entertainment: Poor | Story: Poor | Film: Average | Resonance: Very Low
61:
[Show spoiler]“Shrooms”
A horror story revolving around mushroom eating. Or so I assume. You know, I forgot about most of this film, because it’s utterly forgettable. It looks well-made and all, but doesn’t really have much of a story, and it’s not particularly engaging. Horror film fans can probably dig it pretty well, but it didn’t do much for me.
Last time I checked, this was at the very bottom of imdb’s bottom 100 list. It’s there for a good reason: despite one or two amusing moments, the film is not all that funny or fun. The story’s pretty dumb. The film has a fairly cheap production design. In the end, it’s not all that memorable either.
What on Earth possesses you to even give those a try Al?
Various reasons...
A.) Given movies looked really cool in trailers, but turned out to be crummy (like "Sky Captain," "DB:E," "Cloverfield," etc)
B.) Given movies are sequels to really good movies ("S Darko," "Lawnmower Man 2," "Hollow Man 2," etc)
C.) Given movies are too amusing to pass up ("They Came From Beyond Space," "Ice Pirates," "Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus," etc)
D.) Controversy (or, a need for an endurance test) ("Caligula")
E.) Acclaim ("L'avventura," "Lost in Translation," etc...some would say I'm not a real film fan unless I see these)
F.) Other people's choices ("Eat Pray Love," most sci-fi channel movies)
G.) Recommendations ("Inland Empire" ...something you dug up! )
H.) A psychic from the future hacked into my brain and forced me to watch certain ones ("Mortal Kombat Annihilation")
I.) ..sometimes, absolutely no reason at all!
The last of the Indiana Jones trilogy. Sorry, but I don't count Indy 4 as a legitimate follow up.
Anyways, this was a fun movie, albeit a bit too long. It was a fun ride and it got off to a great start. Very few weak spots mired this adventure film. The Last Crusade was probably the best in the trilogy, with Indy 2 coming a close second. By no means were the Indy films the best and/or without flaws, but they were fun and worth watching.
The last of the Indiana Jones trilogy. Sorry, but I don't count Indy 4 as a legitimate follow up.
Anyways, this was a fun movie, albeit a bit too long. It was a fun ride and it got off to a great start. Very few weak spots mired this adventure film. The Last Crusade was probably the best in the trilogy, with Indy 2 coming a close second. By no means were the Indy films the best and/or without flaws, but they were fun and worth watching.
Like a breath of fresh air, intellectually well written movies lift you up. Indie, yes. But this wasn't an overdone mess of nothing. There was meaning, depth, heart, development, laughter, and smarts rolled into this film.
The lead character played by Freddie Highmore does a fantastic job portraying a gifted and extremely talented high school senior who just can't get his projects and homework done due to an odd thought he's had. He meets a gorgeous girl, played by Emma Roberts, from the school who he covers for when she almost gets caught for disobeying a school rule. They start a friendship and we see how both the friendship and his struggling academics fall into place.
The Art of Getting By is just one of those movies that I loved within the first 15 minutes of it. It just had that certain movie magic that's not only found in big Hollywood mega blockbusters. This is a character driven movie that plays with the human condition. The pacing of the film was great, although I wish the movie itself had just a little bit more of a running time. The last thing I'll touch on is the picture quality. Right away, you see how brilliantly fantastic the PQ is on this Blu-ray, which is quite odd and funny because of the stark contrast of Casey Broadwater's review of this film's PQ (and overall film quality) on this site. Anyways, this movie was excellent all around. Highly recommended.
PQ - 5/5
AQ - 4/5
4.5/5
Last edited by volcomsocal; 06-10-2012 at 06:47 AM.
The last of the Indiana Jones trilogy. Sorry, but I don't count Indy 4 as a legitimate follow up.
Anyways, this was a fun movie, albeit a bit too long. It was a fun ride and it got off to a great start. Very few weak spots mired this adventure film. The Last Crusade was probably the best in the trilogy, with Indy 2 coming a close second. By no means were the Indy films the best and/or without flaws, but they were fun and worth watching.
DVD rental
PQ - n/a
AQ - n/a
4/5
Lower score than myself (like I mentioned before the Great Crash, 5/5 and a spot in my personal Top 10), but we come to the same conclusion that it is the best of the bunch
Could a slasher film be any more generic? This remake looks really slick, but nothing about it really stands out. The story is weak, and filled with characters that I just couldn’t care about (so why should I care if some creep stabs them all?). The film overall feels so generic that it becomes a bore to watch.
I wanted to enjoy this modern take on the old cop show. But, jeez, this movie just dragged on and on and on! As long and dull as this material is, I couldn’t get into the story at all. And while the film looks stylish, it was pretty gaudy at times too. At this point, I don’t even remember that much about it.
This movie looked like it’d be a bad action flick at first glance. Then I read the back cover and saw that it’s really a comedy about a guy pitching a bad movie idea to Hollywood. As a comedy, it sounded promising. And even though the basic concept is amusing (especially in the way the main character deludes himself), the film overall failed to induce laughter.
Many people will probably file this film under “so bad it’s good.” In a way it is; the action is pretty frequent and thrilling, and there is plenty of hilariously bad dialogue to keep it funny. However, it is a poorly-made film with an incredibly weak story.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Very Poor | Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Marginal
55:
[Show spoiler]“Heart of America”
Okay, who does Dr. Uwe Boll think he is to tell us what lurks in the “Heart of America.” This German dude’s attempt to peel away at the issue of school shootings is probably the most tasteless and pretentious act of butchery any director can do to a sensitive issue. While the film is somewhat entertaining, the story is very contrived, and the film is extremely poorly-made. As a result, we’re left with a bad drama that only claims to be the all-revealing mirror of human truth. In reality, it’s garbage.
Yeah, I was this bored too, watching this movie...
I know I’m going to get flack for listing this; this film is pretty well-revered. I don’t see why; there’s no story to this! It’s two hours of a guy and a chick wandering around Tokyo. I understand that this is meant to be a film exploring transient souls devoid of meaning in their lives (hence the film’s title, and parallels to a foreign country), and a film that explores the dynamics of a short-term relationship. Okay, so it’s a film with a subject and theme, but no running story or conflict, no scenes that really stand out and grab interest, and to me it has no lasing power. It feels less like a film and more like an amateur video essay; something that a travelling student could have made. As such, I found it completely uninteresting.
Entertainment: Quite Poor | Story: Poor | Film: Average | Resonance: Very Low
53:
[Show spoiler]“Supernova” (2000)
With its special effects (which include a nice-looking binary black-hole system, and later a supernova that wipes out a whole planet), I wanted to like this film. I just couldn’t. It’s way too boring and uneventful. The story doesn’t really make much sense, and is filled with characters I couldn’t care less about. The film looks okay enough, but offers little redeeming value.
[Show spoiler]“Dungeons and Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God”
The first D&D movie ought to be worthy of this list, with its supreme amount of cheese and horrid special effects. Surprisingly, they made a sequel, and it managed to suck even worse. The story for this is made worse; the filming and special effects are still bad; worst of all, the movie only entertains to a point.
At first glance, this looked a little bit like “Star Wars,” so I was thrilled. Then it turned out to be a hodgepodge that included a few cups of “Starship Troopers,” a tablespoon of “Pitch Black,” a dash of “The Fifth Element,” and perhaps a pinch of “Ultraviolet.” In spite of these ingredients, the story came out horridly underdone and lacking in any original flavor. Did I mention that the film is made from cheap ingredients?
Entertainment: Good | Story: Very Poor | Film: Poor | Resonance: None
50:
[Show spoiler]“Second in Command”
In this film, we see the illustrious Jean-Claude Van Damme playing an officer who becomes “Second in Command” of this embassy where a bunch of terrorists are trying to bust in and take over the place. Lots of shooting ensues. Unfortunately, none if it is really that interesting, the film is not great, and it’s quite forgettable overall.
Somebody once claimed that I haven’t seen enough “good” movies, and listed this one as an example of what “good” apparently means. “L'avventura” is a “good” film, certainly; it has very pretty photography and locales, and there’s nothing wrong with its acting or writing. Problem is, absolutely nothing, and I mean NOTHING happens in this film. It’s two hours of rich snobs wandering around, trying to figure out what to do with themselves. Then somebody goes missing, and in an act of perfect stupidity, the characters looking for this missing person falls in love and forgets about her. I can understand that this is a story that emphasizes the loneliness and isolation of rich, disillusioned couples, having to forcibly search out adventure to break up the dull monotony of their lives. And yet, they’ve also succeeded in making the film itself dull, monotonous, and lifeless.
Entertainment: None | Story: Very Poor | Film: Excellent | Resonance: Very Low
48:
[Show spoiler]“Lawnmower Man 2”
The first “Lawnmower Man” movie was a pretty weird trip, but man, tripping through this sequel is weirder yet! This movie can’t figure out if it’s catering to adults (since there is one bad curse word, and quite a lot of explosive action) or kids (because the tone overall is very light and fluffy, and a bunch of light-cycle-riding kids are featured in the film). At times it entertains with its bad dialogue, its cheap special effects, and its poor craftsmanship. But let’s face it, this story really sucks, and makes the first film look like “The Godfather.”
Entertainment: Average | Story: Very Poor | Film: Awful | Resonance: Marginal
47:
[Show spoiler]“Caligula”
This movie will make your eyes bleed too!
Everybody’s going to remember this film, because it’s loaded up with lots of perverse, hardcore sex and violence. Going through this movie is like a benchmark to see just how much R-rated and X-rated material you can stomach. It’s still the most graphic movie I’ve ever seen (although, not necessarily the bloodiest or the most disturbing). But if you strip away all that perversity, there’s not much of a story left, and the film looks incredibly gaudy. It’s a shame too, because the star power here is strong, and Malcolm McDowell makes a good Emperor Caligula.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Awful | Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Marginal
46:
[Show spoiler]“Recon 2020: The Caprini Massacre”
This came as a bonus feature to “Battlespace,” which was listed above. This feature does have its action and a few amusing lines, but the story is pretty bland. It looks like the filmmakers went to some construction yard and filmed a bunch of stuff; it’s all rather cheap.
They’ve made more Recon 2020 films since, but I’m not interested enough.
Entertainment: Pretty Good | Story: Poor | Film: Awful | Resonance: Very Low
45:
[Show spoiler]“Galaxy of Terror”
Insert hentai joke here.
One of many horrid B-movies that Roger Corman produced, but this one takes place in space! This film does boast some nifty special effects, and a memorable scene involving a woman and a scary space worm. Regardless, the story isn’t very substantial, and the film is still very cheap in a lot of areas.
This is basically the exact same story as “Last House on the Left,” which in itself is a weird, gaudy, violent piece of work. “Chaos” is quite a bit rougher with the style, and is also rougher with the violence (which is sickening at times, and ultimately most gratuitous). It’s a dark and brutal film that holds up a thin veil of a message, trying to tell the audience that you really shouldn’t let your beloved teenagers run free on their own without telling anyone where they are. It might have all been more effective if the film actually had a story, and wasn’t all that trashy and tasteless.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Marginal | Film: Awful | Resonance: Very Low
43:
[Show spoiler]“Titanic II”
I always thought that a sequel for “Titanic” was meant to be a joke. Because, you know, the ship sank! Well, leave it to the Sci-Fi channel (still refuse to call it “Sy-Fy”) to take the joke seriously and produce this low-budget affair. It involves a modern ship called the Titanic which unsurprisingly undergoes a disaster. Entertaining, more or less, but not particularly good or memorable.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor | Film: Awful | Resonance: Very Low
42:
[Show spoiler]“Warbus II”
.
The wheels on the bus go round and round...
I haven’t even seen “Warbus I.” Ah well, this sequel does have a few entertaining war scenes, and once they bust out the actual warbus, it is quite novel. Still, I really couldn’t feel much for the story or characters, and the film looks cheap.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor | Film: Awful | Resonance: Very Low
41:
[Show spoiler]“The Omen IV: The Awakening”
Here, they attempted to generate the drama of the Antichrist’s birth from a little girl’s point of view. The result isn’t particularly thrilling. It didn’t make for a very good story. It wasn’t even well-made at all. And after all this time, I’ve forgotten most of it.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Very Poor | Film: Quite Poor | Resonance: None
40:
[Show spoiler]“The Specialist”
Don’t remember much about this generic action picture either. All I know is that Sharon Stone and Sylvester Stallone are in it, shooting people, stopping bombs from blowing up, and stuff. It was a dull story and a dull film altogether.
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Greatest motorcyclerider after the God Freddie Spencer.And heaps cooler
dunno
I dont know about greatest though. I'd go Rainey or Hailwood. 
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