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Old 08-19-2019, 02:22 AM   #581
Falaskan Falaskan is offline
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Originally Posted by Hitman Horton View Post
It's too easy.
Agreed.
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Old 08-19-2019, 04:04 AM   #582
Erzengel Erzengel is offline
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Originally Posted by Falaskan View Post
The rant is more about casual relationships under the guise of dating than anything. Also, thereíre buttloads of people who want to date, want a relationship, but they donít want to put the time in to develop it. The spectrum is too variable to comment on all in one paragraph.
That seems like a very specific sect of people if you're saying people who are casually dating but don't want to develop into a relationship. Relationships aren't for everyone. So if someone doesn't want a relationship but just wants some sort of strictly physical interaction then that's there prerogative.
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Old 08-19-2019, 05:24 AM   #583
Falaskan Falaskan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erzengel View Post
That seems like a very specific sect of people if you're saying people who are casually dating but don't want to develop into a relationship. Relationships aren't for everyone. So if someone doesn't want a relationship but just wants some sort of strictly physical interaction then that's there prerogative.
ďThatís my prerogativeĒ aligns with one of the oldest cop-outs in the book. It certainly doesnít facilitate open discussion. Pretty disingenuous, unless maybe, thatís the point.
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Old 08-19-2019, 03:14 PM   #584
Erzengel Erzengel is offline
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It's hard for me to put an all encompassing set of standards for anyone. There are people who are workaholics, people with social, mental issues, that make relationships extremely difficult for not just them but the people they are dating.

What is the disparity you see, between people who casually date and are lifelong couples?
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Old 08-20-2019, 03:57 PM   #585
Falaskan Falaskan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erzengel View Post
It's hard for me to put an all encompassing set of standards for anyone. There are people who are workaholics, people with social, mental issues, that make relationships extremely difficult for not just them but the people they are dating.

What is the disparity you see, between people who casually date and are lifelong couples?
All Iím effectively saying is the more self absorbed a person is, the harder it will be to maintain a relationship when itís no longer all rainbows and unicorns. The main question is do you see differences?
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Old 08-20-2019, 05:21 PM   #586
Erzengel Erzengel is offline
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I thought you were talking more about casual relationships?

If so, then I think someone being self absorbed would be apparent right off the bat and it'd be obvious that this would not be a relationship to be maintained.
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Old 08-20-2019, 05:38 PM   #587
Falaskan Falaskan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erzengel View Post
I thought you were talking more about casual relationships?

If so, then I think someone being self absorbed would be apparent right off the bat and it'd be obvious that this would not be a relationship to be maintained.
It could be. Or not.

All of this is gonna up my title faster than I was expecting.
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Old 08-20-2019, 06:17 PM   #588
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I just want to kiss a girl before I die.
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Old 08-20-2019, 07:03 PM   #589
Erzengel Erzengel is offline
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I'll finish with this.

We like to idealize love, relationships, etc. but they are hard and require constant work.

In your example of someone suffering some sort of fall or burn, I think most decent people in a loving relationship would care for them. But digging deeper? That's a hard weight to put on anyone's shoulder and that person would be a saint because of everything they have to endure. Most relationships now are probably never really 50/50. Maybe 55/45 or 60/40 but someone is usually doing more. If one truly didn't want to center everything around themselves, then shouldn't the person who suffered the burn or fall set their partner free to have a less burdensome life?
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Old 08-20-2019, 07:29 PM   #590
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I just want to kiss a girl before I die.
Read my previous post, take the advice and DO something about it.
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Old 08-20-2019, 07:40 PM   #591
Erzengel Erzengel is offline
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Save your money, fly to Amsterdam. Kiss a girl?
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Old 08-20-2019, 08:06 PM   #592
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erzengel View Post
I'll finish with this.

We like to idealize love, relationships, etc. but they are hard and require constant work.

In your example of someone suffering some sort of fall or burn, I think most decent people in a loving relationship would care for them. But digging deeper? That's a hard weight to put on anyone's shoulder and that person would be a saint because of everything they have to endure. Most relationships now are probably never really 50/50. Maybe 55/45 or 60/40 but someone is usually doing more. If one truly didn't want to center everything around themselves, then shouldn't the person who suffered the burn or fall set their partner free to have a less burdensome life?
I suppose if there is some agreement/understanding that love, relationships, and marriages are only about alleviating burdens as opposed to not, thatís their ďprerogative...Ē and itís mine to insinuate that I think thatís a limited, conditional, unrealistic, and self-serving outlook. How do two ppl go thru the same thing and see it differently? Their outlook. It can be interesting when youíre not always trying to coast thru life and actually let yourself go thru things you think you canít handle (not that leaving should never be an option). But some take offense to that POV.
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Old 08-20-2019, 08:21 PM   #593
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Could you do it? And I'm not really expecting an answer because not everyone knows what it's like to care for someone who's infirmed. What if someone is infirmed and that person becomes miserable because of it? Or what if they ungrateful or angry all the time?

I'm not giving examples of why anyone would bail, I'm just bringing up the whole "It's easier to talk the talk then walk the walk." It's understandable for people to be human.
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Old 08-22-2019, 07:09 PM   #594
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I'm just going to be blunt here. Look at how many threads you've started in appreciation of female Hollywood stars. The first thing you have to do is stop looking at girls on the internet and go out and actually interact with real girls.

Here's a question for you. Think about it and answer it HONESTLY. Is your Asperger's Syndrome the reason you have difficulty in social situations or is it the excuse you use so you don't even have to try? When you go out, just be honest. Talking to somebody about your difficulties can be the beginning of a great conversation.

Lastly, if you're self esteem is a problem, there are ways to fix that. Books. Articles on the internet. Possibly medicastion and/or counselling. All viable options readily available.

Remember this: Nobody can do it for you until you help yourself. If you're not doing anything to better yourself, how do you expect anything to change.

He will not listen, Ive tried to tell him to workout, spend less time oogling over unattainable hollywood types online, get in shape and dress nice... make the girls notice and then go from there. But it will continue to be the same pity party. I am shy and I still have had my fair share of dating, g/f, etc over my many years. Happily married with a young daughter, which a few years back didnt think was possible. If you want something bad enough, you have to work for it, not just complain about it incessantly
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Old 08-22-2019, 07:16 PM   #595
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He will not listen, Ive tried to tell him to workout, spend less time oogling over unattainable hollywood types online, get in shape and dress nice... make the girls notice and then go from there. But it will continue to be the same pity party. I am shy and I still have had my fair share of dating, g/f, etc over my many years. Happily married with a young daughter, which a few years back didnt think was possible. If you want something bad enough, you have to work for it, not just complain about it incessantly
Don't worry. I know he won't listen. My plan is to remind him that he actually has to DO something if he wants things to change. His pity party is getting old.
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Old 08-22-2019, 07:50 PM   #596
Erzengel Erzengel is offline
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Some of us get better hands than others. It's not fair but dating, relationships in general, some of us have to work harder and pick from smaller pools than others. It's just putting time and effort into things.
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Old 08-22-2019, 07:59 PM   #597
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People should start with themselves before trying something with someone. I it's taken far to long for me to realize that I should take care of myself in ways that only I can since having a wife would not mean she would always be there because things happen. So if so one can't see how much they are worth it to themselves then it would be impossible for evening going on a date. All it is is being comfortable with yourself and self love and they will want to spend time more with you because you are happy with your life and having a partner would make it even happier.
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Old 08-22-2019, 09:38 PM   #598
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Some of us get better hands than others. It's not fair but dating, relationships in general, some of us have to work harder and pick from smaller pools than others. It's just putting time and effort into things.
So true, the most and least satisfying parts of my days are when I get off work and then go home and take a jog, normally in temps where the index reaches triple digits. If I go home and rest for a few hours, I will NOT be able to get back up and go later. I also can't go in the morning with a 10 month old princess on weekdays, weekends I can get the early morning run in occasionally, but its generally in the 90's early in the morning. Why do I do this, many reasons, such as wanting to be attractive for my wife, and keep healthy, even though it counters my love of food.

At the age MJ is, dating is much tougher in the sense that lots of women out there are scarred from past relationships. I found that out a few years back in my early 40's, divorced, no children... about to date for the first time in 20 years. I may have thought sometimes that I wasnt going to find a good woman or have a child, but I didnt sit around and complain about it and do nothing. If I was destined to be single for the rest of my life, it wouldnt be for lack of trying.
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Old 08-22-2019, 09:46 PM   #599
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erzengel View Post
I'll finish with this.

We like to idealize love, relationships, etc. but they are hard and require constant work.

In your example of someone suffering some sort of fall or burn, I think most decent people in a loving relationship would care for them. But digging deeper? That's a hard weight to put on anyone's shoulder and that person would be a saint because of everything they have to endure. Most relationships now are probably never really 50/50. Maybe 55/45 or 60/40 but someone is usually doing more. If one truly didn't want to center everything around themselves, then shouldn't the person who suffered the burn or fall set their partner free to have a less burdensome life?
A true relationship should never be 50/50... you should each give 100%
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Old 08-22-2019, 10:04 PM   #600
Erzengel Erzengel is offline
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I stick with what I said but using the 100%, I'd say that someone is giving more.
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