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Old 03-13-2017, 01:27 AM   #1
Codename Wolverine Codename Wolverine is offline
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Default My little thread.

Basically I will be using this to talk about whatever movie I happen to end up watching. Movies will be cover a variety of genres except for True Stories, I dislike those. Drama will also be among the least represented.

Anyone can join the discussion, or I will just talk amongst myself. Which is probably what will happen.

First up will be some Dolph Lundgren goodness.



It's not one his best, but it is one of my favorites. I will give this a spin tonight.
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Old 03-13-2017, 06:07 AM   #2
Codename Wolverine Codename Wolverine is offline
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Basically the story of an elite team of cops who let power go their heads and think they are untouchable. They did not reckon on Dolph turning state's evidence on them.

The movie opens with a two of these cops murdering a thug in a *****house and killing all the witnesses, ot so they think.

As much as I love the movie, the hip hop vibe they are going for in the opening credits is really out of place.

Dolph is teamed with a rookie cop played by Polly Shannon who is more than capable of holding her own, though she is initially in way over her head.

She is shown at first to be a little out of her league and not very sure of herself, her first scene has her late to the station.

The bad guys are cartoonishly portrayed and it's blatantly obvious who they are.

First fight in bar, someone is wearing a Punisher T. For those unaware Dolph played The Punisher in the 1989 movie.

Dolph looks almost sickly here, he's way too skinny for his frame. Looks like he's in bad shape.

This movie has no style, and the editing is merely perfunctory and lacks any style. The cinematography is lifeless and it's almost as if there was no director at all. It's lacking any signature style and class.

A lethargy lies over the entire movie. Like everyone was merely fulfilling contractual obligations.

The soundtrack is irritating as well. This movie is too many clashing styles and not enough guiding hand behind the scenes. I think this put together by someone who had never done a movie before. But apparently it was overseen by Dolph and the director Sidney J. Furie. I find that hard to believe as it is very rough and the seams show.

Instead of actually using skill to show a sense of unease they cheap out and use more bothersome music cues.

The final showdown finally shows a sense of style and urgency that the rest of the movie was lacking.

Neither the best nor worst of Lundgren's movies, this is strictly a middle of the road movie. Recommended for Dolph fans but not a good way to introduce new fans to the big guy.

3/5.

A few fun facts:

The big biker outside the bar that Dolph beats up to enter, is played by Kevin Rushton who played Stu in the first X-Men movie.

The old man (Elias Zarou) his gang was intimidating played the UN Secretary General in the first movie.

Sidney J. Furie also directed Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987). Which is a technically flawed movie, but it's a lot of fun.
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Old 03-14-2017, 12:05 AM   #3
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I just don't think I can do it.. I am tired and not just I need a nap tired. I am tired mentally, emotionally, physically.... I am tired of facing these problems I thought I had conquered years ago.
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Old 03-15-2017, 04:13 PM   #4
Codename Wolverine Codename Wolverine is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jett Rink View Post
Have you thought of seeing a therapist? Someone you can really talk to?
It is something I have given great thought to once I am through with prior obligations.

As it stands right now, what I am dealing with is severe depression something I last faced 5 years ago and only conquered at that time with the help of friends, who when I sank to my worst again abandoned me.

Right now I simply do not have enough fight left to keep facing this on my own.

You would think that given my family's history of dealing with this that they would be supportive.... but they really aren't .

I have explored three options to just ending it all. One of which I have tried, and failed at.

The second would be a sure way to finish.

The third is packing a duffel bag throwing it in my car, leaving and never returning. Which is not fiscally viable yet.

And I am fairly certain that despite promises that everyone's job was safe, AMC is going to do massive layoffs in the near future.
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Old 03-25-2017, 06:01 AM   #5
Codename Wolverine Codename Wolverine is offline
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Long story short.... I am still alive... despite my talks about offing myself. I tried doing myself in with sleeping pills... that didn't work. Wasn't for lack of trying though.

So to those who might wish I was dead, I am unfortunately still alive and kicking, and after dealing with the side effects of the sleeping pills, I have no further plans on attempting to end my own life. Sorry if that disappoints anyone..

I plan on just being miserable, full of self loathing, wallowing in a deep dark dark depression and wishing I was dead.

In other news, Dolph Lundgren finally has a new movie coming to Blu-Ray on the 4th of April. Hope it's as good as the reviews suggest. Right now it's on sale at Amazon for $13.56
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Old 03-27-2017, 05:19 AM   #6
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I have finally come to terms with the fact that I can't undo what I have done. I still owe quite a few people here an apology though. Though I don't think the people I need to apologize to even read this thread, I hope it gets passed around.

I'm sorry, for everything. I hope that one day those who I have hurt, offended, or just generally let down, will one day be able to forgive me.
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Old 04-05-2017, 05:13 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Codename Wolverine View Post
I have finally come to terms with the fact that I can't undo what I have done. I still owe quite a few people here an apology though. Though I don't think the people I need to apologize to even read this thread, I hope it gets passed around.

I'm sorry, for everything. I hope that one day those who I have hurt, offended, or just generally let down, will one day be able to forgive me.
We are human. People make mistakes. You are doing fine and are welcome here.
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Old 04-19-2017, 08:50 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Codename Wolverine View Post
I just don't think I can do it.. I am tired and not just I need a nap tired. I am tired mentally, emotionally, physically.... I am tired of facing these problems I thought I had conquered years ago.
I'm sorry that you're going through some difficult times in your life, have faith, things will get better!!!! Please read below;

http://www1.cbn.com/overcoming-depression

The wisest, most loving, and well rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have known misery, known defeat, known the heartbreak of losing something or someone they loved, and have found their way out of the depths of their own despair. These people have experienced many ups and downs, and have gained an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, understanding and a deep loving wisdom. People like this aren’t born; they develop slowly over the course of time.

1. Pain is part of life and love, and it helps you grow.
So many of us are afraid of ourselves, of our own truth, and our feelings most of all. We talk about how great the concepts of life and love are, but then we hide from both every day. We hide from our truest feelings. Because the truth is life and love hurt sometimes, and the feelings this brings disturbs us.
We are taught at an early age that all pain is evil and harmful. Yet, how can we ever deal with real life and true love if we’re afraid to feel what we really feel? We need to feel pain, just as we need to feel alive and loved. Pain is meant to wake us up. Yet we try to hide our pain. Realize this. Pain is something to carry willingly, just like good sense. Because you can only learn how strong you are when being strong is the only choice you have.
It’s all in how you carry the things that don’t go your way. That’s what matters in the end. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you – your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting the lies of insecurity destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel pain – to endure it – to own your scars – to deal with the realities of life and love, as you grow into the strongest, wisest, truest version of yourself.
2. Mindset is half the battle.
It’s okay to have down days and tough times. Expecting life to be wonderful all the time is wanting to swim in an ocean in which waves only rise up and never come crashing down. However, when you recognize that the rising and crashing waves are part of the exact same ocean, you are able to let go and be at peace with the reality of these ups and downs. It becomes clear that life’s ups require life’s downs.
In other words, life isn’t perfect, but it sure is good. Our goal shouldn’t be to create a perfect life, but to live an imperfect life in radical amazement. To get up every morning and take a good look around in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is extraordinary. Every day is a gift. Never treat life casually. To be spiritual in any way is to be amazed in every way.
Do not let the pain of a situation make you hopeless. Do not let negativity wear off on you. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Even though others may disagree with you, take pride in the fact that you still know the world to be a beautiful place. Change your thoughts and you change your reality.
And mindset is especially powerful when it comes to accepting that…
3. Your biggest fears don’t really exist.
When times are hard it can be difficult to follow your heart and take another step, but it’s a tragedy to let the lies of fear stop you. Although fear can feel overwhelming, and defeats more people than any other force in the world, it’s not as powerful as it seems. Fear is only as deep as your mind allows. You are still in control. So take control!
The key is to acknowledge your fear and directly address it. Fight hard to shine the light of your words upon it. Because if you don’t, if your fear becomes a wordless, obscure darkness that you avoid, and perhaps even manage to briefly forget, you open yourself to future attacks from fear when you least expect it. Because you never truly faced the opponent who defeated you.
You CAN beat fear if you face it. Be courageous! And remember that courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid; courage means you don’t let fear stop you from moving forward with your life.
4. You are growing through experience.
Over time you will find that life isn’t necessarily any easier or harder than you thought it was going to be; it’s just that the easy and the hard aren’t exactly the way you had anticipated, and don’t always occur when you expect them to. This isn’t a bad thing; it makes life interesting. With a positive attitude you will always be pleasantly surprised.
When you stop expecting things to be a certain way, you can appreciate them for what they are. Ultimately you will realize that life’s greatest gifts are rarely wrapped the way you expected.
Experience is what you get when your plans don’t go as planned, and experience is the most valuable commodity you own – it builds your strength.
You have the power to turn your wounds and worries into wisdom; you just have to do something about them. You have to accept what has happened and use what you’ve learned to step forward. Everything you’ve experienced has given you the upper hand for dealing with everything you have yet to experience. Realize this and set yourself free.
5. You can’t change situations you don’t take responsibility for.
Sigmund Freud once said, “Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.” Don’t let this be you. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you surrender power over that part of your life.
Make no mistake, in the end, the price of happiness IS responsibility. As soon as you stop making everyone and everything else responsible for your happiness, the happier you’ll be. If you’re unhappy now, it’s not someone else’s fault.
Ultimately, your happiness depends on your self-reliance – your unshakable willingness to take responsibility for your life from this moment forward, regardless of who had a hand in making it the way it is now. It’s about taking control of your present circumstances, thinking for yourself, and making a firm choice to choose differently. It’s about being the hero of your life, not the victim.
6. The present is all you really have to deal with.
Life is not lived in some distant, imagined land of someday where everything is perfect. It is lived here and now, with the reality of the way things are. Yes, by all means you can work toward an idealized tomorrow. Yet to do so, you must successfully deal with the world as it is today.
Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we are because we have developed a belief, based on past experiences, that it is not where we should be or want to be. But the truth is, where you are now is exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go tomorrow. So appreciate where you are.
Your friends and family are too beautiful to ignore. Take a moment to remember how fortunate you are to be breathing. Take a look around, with your eyes earnestly open to the possibilities before you. Much of what you fear does not exist. Much of what you love is closer than you realize. You are just one brief thought away from understanding the blessing that is your life.
Happiness is a mindset that can only be designed into the present. It’s not a point in the future or a moment from the past; yet sadly, this misconception hurts the masses. So many young people seem to think all their happiness awaits them in the years ahead, while so many older people believe their best moments are behind them. Don’t be either of them. Don’t let the past and the future steal your present. (Read The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
.)
7. There is always, always, always something to be thankful for.
Life is better when you’re smiling. Being positive in a negative situation is not naive; it’s a sign of leadership and strength. You’re doing it right when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead.
What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you were thankful for today?
Think of all the beauty that remains around you, see it and smile. Be thankful for all the small things in your life, because when you put them all together you will see just how significant they are. At the end of the day, it’s not happiness that makes us thankful, but thankfulness that makes us happy.
8. Great things take time.
Instant results are rarely the best results. With patience, you can greatly expand your potential. If your desires were always fulfilled immediately, you would have nothing to look forward to. You would miss out on the joys of anticipation and progress.
Remember, patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in. It’s the willingness to stay focused, confidently staking one small step at a time, knowing that the way you move a mountain is by moving one stone at a time. Every stone you move, no matter how small, is progress.
Bottom line: You deserve more than mere instant gratification. Value that arrives in an instant is often gone in an instant. Value that takes time and commitment to create often outlives its creator – YOU.
9. Other people cannot validate you.
When we’re struggling to achieve something important, sometimes we look to others to validate our progress. But the truth is, they can’t…
You are not in this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here to live up to yours. Pave your own unique path. What success means to each of us is totally different. Success is ultimately about spending your life happily in your own way.
You don’t have to be flashy to be impressive. You don’t have to be famous to be significant. You don’t have to be a celebrity to be successful. You don’t need to be validated by anyone else. You are already valuable. You just need to believe in yourself and what you wish to achieve.
You can be quietly humble and still be amazingly effective. Just because people don’t fall at your feet and worship you, doesn’t mean you are a failure. Quiet success is just as sweet as loud, flamboyant success, and usually far more real. Success is how you define it, not what everyone else says it must be for you. (Read The Gifts of Imperfection
.)
10. You are not alone.
In the midst of hard times, it’s easy to look around and see a bunch of people who seem to be doing just fine. But they’re not. We’re all struggling in our own way. And if we could just be brave enough to open up about it, and talk to each other, we’d realize that we are not alone in feeling lost and alone.
So many of us are fighting the same exact battle alongside you. We are all in this together. So no matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, know that there are others out there experiencing the same emotions. When you hear yourself say, “I am all alone,” it’s just your worried mind trying to sell you a lie. There’s always someone who can relate to you. Perhaps you can’t immediately talk to them, but they are out there.
If you’re feeling desperate right now, hear me: I often feel and think and struggle much like you do. I care about many of the things you care about, just in my own way. And although some people do not understand us, we understand each other. YOU are not alone!
Afterthoughts
One of life’s greatest gifts is the fact that life is difficult. Because in dealing with life’s difficulties, we build invaluable strength. This strength enables us to successfully fulfill our deepest, most meaningful purposes. It is precisely because life is difficult that we are able to make it great. It is because life is difficult that we are able to rise above the difficulties. We are able to make a difference and we are able to truly matter.
So remember this…
When times are tough, you must be tougher. Don’t pray for an easy life; pray for the strength to endure a tough one that leads to greatness.
WRITTEN by MARC CHERNOFF
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Old 06-23-2017, 05:15 AM   #9
Codename Wolverine Codename Wolverine is offline
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I know from past experiences being on the other side of things when someone disappears after some worrying posts and they are gone for awhile that it can be maddening trying to find out more and if they are still alive. This is a courtesy post to lessen some of that if anyone was worried.

My declining mental health has been quite obvious over the past few months, and I have been actively trying kill myself with sleeping pills.

I ended up in the ER at 430AM after my latest bout, I had been shoving pills down my throat all day and had taken what one last handful an hour previous to getting a shower and going to bed for what I had hoped to be the last time... instead I had what felt like a serious heart attack, serious enough to knock me off my feet. I was fairly convinced that that was going to be final adieu... so I was just going to go to bed die. It was not pleasant, needless to say. So I got up and kept pacing around the house because if I stopped I was convinced I would drop. So decided I needed to get to the ER and tried to drive myself. I got half a block away, but I was scaring myself. So I had a family member take me.

That's probably the best thing that could have happened. Surprisingly the ER was quiet and very calming. I was able to ponder if this was really how I wanted to end things, and the answer was no. But things had to change, or there was simply no way I could go on.

Anyway they ran EKGS, took blood, and put in an IV. Aside from slightly high blood pressure the medical stats were good.

They sent in a social worker to talk to me, after I agreed of course. And she was the first non family, I reached out to that did not view me as a nuisance, think I was wimp or that was simply imagining things and that I wasn't worth saving. She was very awesome. So through her I have a whole sheet of mental health specialist to find help.

All told I was there for 2 an 1/2 hours roughly. After talking to the various doctors and nurses who kept checking on me in addition to the social worker, they were apparently convinced that I was no longer a threat to myself. And after I agreed to seek further help, I was free to go.

I called a few numbers, but they told me to check my insurance provider's list of preferred doctors, but their website was down earlier and talking on the phone is more hassle than it's worth right, thanks to lingering, probably long term side-effects of popping sleeping pills like candy.

Even better is the anti anxiety drugs she prescribed, because anxiety has been kicking my ass lately. It's always fun to be going about my day and then for no reason feel something horrible is going to happen or be convinced one has ever liked you at all and they have never given a damn about you. It's been reaching nearly crippling levels.

Right now I am in the midst of a mild one. No one's going to help you, they don't like you, they never did.. they were simply being nice. You're nothing but a massive failure who has been nothing but disappointment to the people you care about, they would be better off without you. So what are you waiting for. Just do it.

I would take my medication, but I have work tomorrow and I have no idea how it's going to affect me. Some of the potential side effects include making what it is supposed to treat, even worse. I have never been on these types of drugs before.

There 3 side effects from prolonged abuse of sleeping pills that I am dealing with

The most frustrating is I now stammer and stutter like Porky Pig, it makes having any meaningful conversation impossible. It's very hard to communicate when you are barely capable even getting out monosyllabic words. I could barely get out any words while talking with the doctors picture something like this.


The second is my short term memory is fried, I can give you a full rundown of the official James Bond movies, release order, the actors and their Bond Debuts, I can tantalize you with trivia on the 3 unofficial movies, granted the first was a live broadcast drama in the mid 50's... where for some reason they decided to make 007 an American CIA Agent. But I count it anyway.

But if you are wanting to know what I was doing earlier than 30 minutes ago, I will have to Memento it. Since I can barely remember if I have eaten, I have put someone else in charge of my meds so I don't overdose myself again. These are pretty powerful meds and I really don't feel like replaying this scenario again.

And the 3rd and least bothersome is I am forgetting words, not names just.. words. Once I get the other two sorted out I will worry more forgetting words. But at this point I think I have just reached maximum stress and depression levels and my brain short circuited.

3 times I looked outside and at the clock, It was still daylight at 8PM but my brain went panic because it thought it was 8AM and I am due at work at 4PM tomorrow and I haven't slept for a little over 24 hours. I did this 3 times in the span of less than an hour. 3 times.

That's that, and I am am going to see if I can at least make some sense out the shattered fragments of my psyche, rebuild as much as possible. But there are certain parts I can never regain...

This year were my first attempts at trying to kill myself, and it's not a scenario I desire to revisit. As such I will be steps to prevent such a recurrence.

If there was anyone out there that was worried, rest easy and worry no more. but now I leave you with a song that was been stuck in my head on endless loop. It's not "Raining Men", thankfully... but it was a top hit 17 years ago in her native Australia. Hopefully it's bouncy enough to get you through the rest of your day

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Old 06-24-2017, 04:59 AM   #10
Codename Wolverine Codename Wolverine is offline
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Why in the hell wasn't I on this stuff before... Lorazepam is awesome. It has like totally reset my brain. And almost like my old self from a decade ago. The only real problem I have is that it knocks me out and I can't take it in the middle of the day, at least on days I have work.

Still trying to get the the info I need from my insurance company, because like everything else with the company... nothing is ever simple.
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Old 06-26-2017, 07:09 AM   #11
Codename Wolverine Codename Wolverine is offline
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Would be nice if it was a simple matter of having a magic pill fix it all.... but noooo!!! It's going to be an ongoing conflict, that quite honestly, I simply, sometimes, would prefer to just run away from and stick my fingers in my ears and pretend absolutely nothing is wrong. That stratagem has worked wonders so far.... (That's sarcasm, by the way)

Conflict is perhaps the wrong word, but it's the first that came to mind. This is going to be far harder than I imagined. I never thought that my arch nemesis would be me. Whatever hate that I am imagining, or sheer disdain and loathing that I think others have towards me... it pales in comparison to the absolute hate I feel about myself. Hell no one else has has even directed so much as an insult or ever threatened to kill me... sadly that has all been from the guy in the mirror. Damn near succeeded in the death threat department too.

This struggle and conflict that has been going on for a decade, not constant mind you, but in frequent enough cycles that I finally just broke, I just couldn't deal with my crap anymore. I'd had enough. Or so I thought... turns out, there was just some tiny sliver of me that wasn't quite willing to die. At least not from some damned heart attack, or at least what felt like one.

I was given two options at the time of my visit, one was a nice long stay at a psych ward until I was deemed.... stable? sane? or whatever. The second was seeking treatment on my own which given my personal obligations was the more viable choice.

Although, the going away for a long time was very tempting... I wish I had.

But thanks to nothing being simple, I have to call my insurance because I need an authorization code in order to find the approved list of providers.
And with them being in the south, and me working, our hours never coincided, but Tuesday, I have run out of excuses and then it's the moment of truth.

And for those wondering, after one dose of lorazepam my most concerning symptom practically dissipated in hours. I no longer stammer and stutter like Porky Pig. Nor, am I forgetting words, however my short term memory is still pathetic.

If all goes well, I will initiate the necessary steps on Tuesday, and begin regular counseling the week after that. Looking over some of the therapists here, it seems the first visit is all paperwork with regular sessions beginning the following week.

Additionally, I have got to find some friends, because there's no way in hell I am going to be able to do this on my own. Maybe Wal-Mart has them on sale?
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Old 06-27-2017, 07:09 PM   #12
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SO comes the moment of truth, I have run out of excuses and I no valid reasons to not call. I just received the authorized list of providers from my insurance in my email.

Now I actually have to put words into action....

Who knew admitting that you have a problem can be so scary....
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Old 06-27-2017, 09:03 PM   #13
Codename Wolverine Codename Wolverine is offline
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That wasn't as nerve wracking as I thought, I got the info I needed, sorted through the list with the help of google, called and set up an appointment. However with the 4th coming up, that pushes my appointment to the 12th of July, due to my availability and theirs.

I really could have scheduled my epic finale to my meltdown better, but having a short hiatus before the stunning and emotionally charged conclusion is the best way to do things I think.

Sorry.... that's how you run a TV show. I got a little mixed up.

And just to reiterate I am not a danger to myself, this is why I was able to come home. The most dangerous thing right now is my short term memory, which is really fun when I get something out of the fridge and put it on the counter and after closing the fridge, immediately forgot where I put said item, or what I was going to do.


So now it's done, I just have to remember that openness is the key, evasiveness would just be a waste of both our times.. wishes of good luck would be appreciated. Cause right now I am kinda scared, and really embarrassed that the I couldn't escape the family legacy of mental issues.

I tried so hard to out run them, and they were just waiting for me at the finish line. That was devastating.. I can't escape these old family friends.
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Old 06-28-2017, 03:33 AM   #14
Codename Wolverine Codename Wolverine is offline
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Watching some of these videos and plundering through some related material.. Makes me wish I sought help a long long time ago when the cracks first started showing.

Right now I am feeling worthless and not worth any one's time, and failing to see why I even exist. What's the point.

Quick point, no I am not going to do anything stupid, as soon as I pick up my sister's car I will take a chill pill. But I can't take lorazepam and drive, that's just not a good idea.

There is no one pill fix.. be nice if it existed though.

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Old 06-28-2017, 10:40 PM   #15
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I did something I haven't done in a decade or more... I went swimming. That was awesome.

Really wish I didn't let anxiety and low self esteem about my body keep me away... I am fairly convinced I have the body that is the result of a horrid love affair between these three people


[Show spoiler]





I felt the sand between my toes, the water rushing over me... the only negative was the seaweed which I am just a little paranoid about. That's only because of a story I read in here when I was 7 years old

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Old 06-29-2017, 07:03 PM   #16
Codename Wolverine Codename Wolverine is offline
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This is important... Wal-Mart has skittles with the Lime flavor in its rightful place rather than that backstabbing Green Apple. Green Apple is the Prince John to the King Richard Lime.

DOWN WITH GREEN APPLE.

Now on a more personal note, I really could use someone to talk to. Anyone really... so if anyone is willing to at least pretend to tolerate me, some interaction would be very much appreciated.
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Old 07-01-2017, 01:42 AM   #17
Codename Wolverine Codename Wolverine is offline
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Why did I even bother... what the hell am I still alive for, who's gonna care? What's the point? What business is it of some Social worker if I killm yself? nobody give damn befoe, why should they now?

I need to go find somethng to do...
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Old 07-01-2017, 04:19 AM   #18
Head bugs Head bugs is offline
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Wolfman's got nards.
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