Green Street Hooligans 2

[pro-bassoonist]

Jesse V. Johnson's Green Street Hooligans 2 (2009) is set to be released in Gallic territories on November 24th.

Movie Cynics:

I’m gonna be honest with you… I never saw the first film of this franchise. I can’t stand Elijah Woods’ face. It just pisses me off… and any thought of him trying to act tough or not getting the shit randomly beaten out of him by hooligans always makes me laugh. So no, this isn’t a review that bemoans the fact that Green Street Hooligans is another opportunistic sequel that has little to absolutely nothing to do with the first film. Besides, I’m sick of complaining about crappy disconnected sequels like the Pulse franchise and The Boogeyman franchise. The only real reason I saw the film was because it was directed by Jesse Johnson, the king of indie, low-budget action flicks.

The film starts off with three greasy knobs chilling in the slammer. These guys were allegedly members of the original Green Street Hooligans, and now they find themselves in jail. Despite the fact that they try to mind their own business, they run afoul of other crews in jail. This leads to a whole lot of rock ‘em sock ‘em action, which culminates in a vicious soccer game… which is all backed by a banging oi soundtrack… which reminds me that I’ll have to rent this film again to pull all the names of the bands off the credits so I can check them out.

Director Jesse Johnson is the true star of this film. Though it’s not a Johnson written project (and you can tell the difference) Johnson still manages to wrangle something excellent from the script. Sure the characters are about as likable as a rectal exam from bigfoot, but Johnson still keeps the writing and the acting from dragging down the movie with some excellent montages, plenty of brawling, and whole lot of music video-esque scenes. Johnson’s action scenes are typically brilliant and feel like they have an impact on the characters. Of course, a good director can only plug so many holes on a shitty script, and the wordiness and exposition, which is supposed to come off as character development, never quite turns out right. It’s not so much a fault of Johnson’s as it is the fault of the writing and the cast.

Speaking of the cast, I’ve never seen a more marble-mouthed talentless bunch than in this film. The main character Dave, played by Ross McCall, talks like he’s had a stroke, you can’t understand half the shit he says, and he’s about as much of a tough guy as comedian Jim Breuer. McCall’s posturing and lack of charisma robs the film of vitality, and leaves you not giving a **** about any of the characters. It’s quite possibly one of the worst casting decisions of the year… besides any movie featuring Michael Madsen. His friends, played by Luke Massy and Nicky Holender, aren’t much better and the spark and chemistry that is supposed to exist between the friends is completely absent. The only solid performance in the film comes from Graham McTavish as Big Marc Turner, the boys’ insidious foe of the day.

Green Street Hooligans 2 features some killer action scenes, which to be honest, are the only true highlights of the film. Many of the scenes could stand on their own as music videos and Johnson brings his A-game to the film. Without these perfectly handled scenes of jailhouse brutality, this film would have collapsed under the weight of subpar acting and shitty writing. The only way these action scenes and the culminating soccer game could have been better was if they were kicking around a severed Elijah Wood head instead of a soccer ball.

Fans of the original Green Street Hooligans are going to be pissed at this film… because it is an exploitive cash-in attempt. But if you can look past that, and you’re a fan of solid action, then it’s worth seeing for Johnson’s trademark action mastery. I can’t say that the film is good, but the scenes where Johnson is let loose to do his thing almost overcome all of this film’s shortcomings.

Final Synopsis: If you’re looking for Green Street Hooligans 2, the word is this isn’t it. If you’re looking for more awesome action scenes from Director Jesse Johnson, then go ahead and give it a rent. Just be warned that the bits when Johnson isn’t working his magic are quite painful to sit through.

Points Lost: -1 for terrible acting, -1 for piss-poor writing, -1 for too much talking, -1 for Ross McCall as the shitty main character, -1 for a lack of chemistry between the main character and his buddies

Lesson Learned: All movies should end with a triumphant soccer game accompanied by some oi music.

Burning Question: Does Ross McCall have extra teeth in his mouth?

Pro-B