Are you obsessive about your blu-rays?

[Ray Jackson]

By anal I mean do you obsess over the condition of the discs and how to keep them in pristine condition in ways that most other people couldn't care less about as long as they keep working?

I recently came to the realization that I'm an extremely anal, neurotic head case when it comes to my beloved blu-ray collection. I loaned my three-season boxset of Deadwood to my next door neighbor's kid, under the precondition that he be extremely diligent about keeping the discs scratch free. A few days later he returned season 1 and I immediately performed a thorough inspection of all the discs, only to discover a couple light scratches and some fingerprints...FINGERPRINTS!!!!

I started having a panic attack...heartbeat skyrocketed to near fatal levels...all ability to think rationally or maintain any sort of baseline cognitive functions ceased. I immediately initiated a diagnostic examination of the disc, which consisted of looking at it closely under bright lamp lighting for about 20 minutes and fast forwarding through each disc to make sure they still played properly.

...everything checked out okay.

But the feverish rage that was surging through my body refused to go away. It was all I could think about for the next four or five hours. I had just paid a hundred bucks for that boxset and this little demon f*ck stick had tainted an otherwise immaculate collection of discs. Now he wants to borrow my Breaking Bad boxset and I told him that from here on out he's cut off....that he'd have a better chance of scoring a pound of raw heroin than of ever borrowing another blu-ray from me.

The thing is, he's been really generous in lending various movies and shows to me over the last three years or so. He turned me on to The Wire, Justified, Boardwalk Empire and a bunch of other great stuff. And he doesn't give a flying you-know-what whether I leave fingerprints on the discs or not. I could urinate on them and he wouldn't care...as long as they still play.

It's a very awkward situation, because I've known his parents forever.

...but a man's got to do what a man's got to do.