Do Platonic Friends Exist?

[carpaltonnel]

So what do you guys/girls think? Can you be "Just Friends" with a member of the opposite sex? If so, I'd love to hear some good stories. Bad ones would be fun too!

I have always been closer friends with girls/women rather than guys all my life. I will admit though sometimes feelings do arise.

My fiancee doesn't have a problem with me having "girl-friends" so are there a set list of do's and don'ts that you guys/girls go by?

[MyBlu-rayBrotherEd]

It's difficult, cuz one of the two more often than not reaches a point where they want to have sex with the other.

[carpaltonnel]

Originally Posted by ed4246

It's difficult, cuz one of the two more often than not reaches a point where they want to have sex with the other.

So true, so true. But I feel it's a healthy to grow as a person. * Not the sex* the tension...

[Bizdady]

Not to the significant others lol

[toef]

It's possible, but unlikely. A guy can have a huge fat ugly girl friend, and I think that can work out, but then again the girl might think the guy actually likes her.

[FindYourWay]

Originally Posted by carpaltonnel

My fiancee doesn't have a problem with me having "girl-friends" so are there a set list of do's and don'ts that you guys/girls go by?

That's weird. If you're "just friends" and strictly platonic, why should there be conditions? Makes no sense. Friends are friends regardless of gender.

I have plenty of friends of the opposite sex, and occasionally there will be sexual tension, but we're adults so can work through it without engaging in crossover territory, especially when there are other people involved (spouse or significant other). You choose not to cross the line.

[carpaltonnel]

Originally Posted by toefer

It's possible, but unlikely. A guy can have a huge fat ugly girl friend, and I think that can work out, but then again the girl might think the guy actually likes her.

Same goes for the opposite too....if she is hot, and cool...well trouble usually stirs. But as someone said above me, it's a "Choice" Who really has ugly friends?

[jephdood]

From a guy's point of view, it can't be done. Because you'll always wonder what the sex would be like, and that would constantly trump any 'friend' feelings. We are governed by our weiners.

[FindYourWay]

Originally Posted by jephdood

From a guy's point of view, it can't be done. Because you'll always wonder what the sex would be like, and that would constantly trump any 'friend' feelings.

Thinking and doing are two very different things.
Some people (guy or girl) have zero self control and tend to act on more animalistic, primitive actions.

[brettallica]

Originally Posted by FindYourWay

That's weird. If you're "just friends" and strictly platonic, why should there be conditions? Makes no sense. Friends are friends regardless of gender.

I have plenty of friends of the opposite sex, and occasionally there will be sexual tension, but we're adults so can work through it without engaging in crossover territory, especially when there are other people involved (spouse or significant other). You choose not to cross the line.

That's a good way to word it. I'll cosign to that one. That's legal in forums, right?

Further, though, there are certain activities and behaviors that I personally feel are inappropriate for "taken" individuals to be doing with members of the opposite sex. I mean things like going out to dinner frequently, going to movies, stuff that can be construed as "too personal" are not in and of themselves the inappropriate behavior, but it's definitely gateway behavior to promiscuity/infidelity. Those types of relationships lead to bad things when one (or both) individuals are taken, whether it's simply jealousy, or if it escalates further into a full-blown affair and ruining a relationship.

As said by FindYourWay, I have girls who are friends. They are only friends in the sense that they are perhaps a little more than typical acquaintances, such as sisters of friends, teammates (like in coed softball), old girl-friends (not girlfriends) from back in the day when there was a "whole group of friends," etc. I do not, however, spend any real time with girls/women, as I need no additional females in my life — my wife is enough for me (in a number of ways, good and bad).

[jw]

evidently craigslist thinks so, theres a section. 'strictly platonic'

[carpaltonnel]

Originally Posted by jephdood

From a guy's point of view, it can't be done. Because you'll always wonder what the sex would be like, and that would constantly trump any 'friend' feelings. We are governed by our weiners.

I wish it could be different though. Just because when two people girl and guy get along awesome and have stuff in common it shouldn't go to waste just because someone else is in your life. Shame I say.

[jephdood]

Originally Posted by carpaltonnel

I wish it could be different though. Just because when two people girl and guy get along awesome and have stuff in common it shouldn't go to waste just because someone else is in your life. Shame I say.

In this scenario, we would want the good friend stuff AND the sex.

[Purplegrasshopper]

By definition, homosexuals always have platonic friends of the opposite sex.

[carpaltonnel]

Originally Posted by brettallica

That's a good way to word it. I'll cosign to that one. That's legal in forums, right?

Further, though, there are certain activities and behaviors that I personally feel are inappropriate for "taken" individuals to be doing with members of the opposite sex. I mean things like going out to dinner frequently, going to movies, stuff that can be construed as "too personal" are not in and of themselves the inappropriate behavior, but it's definitely gateway behavior to promiscuity/infidelity. Those types of relationships lead to bad things when one (or both) individuals are taken, whether it's simply jealousy, or if it escalates further into a full-blown affair and ruining a relationship.

As said by FindYourWay, I have girls who are friends. They are only friends in the sense that they are perhaps a little more than typical acquaintances, such as sisters of friends, teammates (like in coed softball), old girl-friends (not girlfriends) from back in the day when there was a "whole group of friends," etc. I do not, however, spend any real time with girls/women, as I need no additional females in my life — my wife is enough for me (in a number of ways, good and bad).

This is all good and fine but doesn't it all sound so strict and confined? Is that what marriage is all about?

[toef]

Originally Posted by carpaltonnel

This is all good and fine but doesn't it all sound so strict and confined? Is that what marriage is all about?

I sense someone is getting cold feet.

The way I see it, if you are married and have a female friend that you are good friends with, and she is single, you are taking her time away from possibly finding her own mate/life partner/whatever.

If you are both married, then that is a little weird, unless you and her husband are into wife swapping.

Realistically, guys and girls are different, and that includes liking different things. Of course there are exceptions, but it's not worth all the potential trouble just to have a female friend that happens to like playing Pogs with you.

I also think that people only need a handful of close friends. If you are married, your wife is one, and then if you have a couple close guy friends, you're all set.

There's nothing wrong with having female friends, I just don't see a need to really have any close ones, unless you want the trouble.

[brettallica]

Originally Posted by carpaltonnel

This is all good and fine but doesn't it all sound so strict and confined? Is that what marriage is all about?

It's not what marriage is all about, and some couples have different ideas about what is tolerable behavior. I know for sure that I would not be comfortable with some guy calling the house for my wife and me hanging out while they're chatting it up on the phone...or having a guy come by the house to pick her up while they go out to dinner or something. That just will not work for me. Also, I'm pretty sure (check that, 100% sure) the converse wouldn't work for my wife. I'm as out there, outside the box, and non-conformist as they come, but yeah that setup just wouldn't work for me.

But I am actually serious, though: I don't really want more than one woman in my life consistently. It's just not for me. I married my wife because she is the one — literally — that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Your mileage may vary.

[carpaltonnel]

Originally Posted by toefer

I sense someone is getting cold feet.

The way I see it, if you are married and have a female friend that you are good friends with, and she is single, you are taking her time away from possibly finding her own mate/life partner/whatever.

If you are both married, then that is a little weird, unless you and her husband are into wife swapping.

Realistically, guys and girls are different, and that includes liking different things. Of course there are exceptions, but it's not worth all the potential trouble just to have a female friend that happens to like playing Pogs with you.

I also think that people only need a handful of close friends. If you are married, your wife is one, and then if you have a couple close guy friends, you're all set.

There's nothing wrong with having female friends, I just don't see a need to really have any close ones, unless you want the trouble.

Very Interesting. Again sound advice, but I still think that rules are for the weak. I mean my fiancee feels fine with me going to the movies with my girl-friends because she isn't really into "Indies" as much as me. Maybe I will feel different when I'm actually "Married" (been together seven plus years ) Time will tell.

[brettallica]

Originally Posted by carpaltonnel

Very Interesting. Again sound advice, but I still think that rules are for the weak. I mean my fiancee feels fine with me going to the movies with my girl-friends because she isn't really into "Indies" as much as me. Maybe I will feel different when I'm actually "Married" (been together seven plus years ) Time will tell.

It sounds like your situation is atypical based on the fact that your fiancée is OK with you going out to movies with other women. I would say most women would not be OK with that. If that works for you, then that works for you. There's nothing wrong with that or any need to feel guilty, because both you and your fiancée feel there's nothing more to it than just a trip to the theater as friends.

[carpaltonnel]

Originally Posted by brettallica

It sounds like your situation is atypical based on the fact that your fiancée is OK with you going out to movies with other women. I would say most women would not be OK with that. If that works for you, then that works for you. There's nothing wrong with that or any need to feel guilty, because both you and your fiancée feel there's nothing more to it than just a trip to the theater as friends.

Hey, thanks for all your input and congrads on your marriage.