Ugh... The Breakup Methods Thread - Blu-ray Forum

Mike53421 · 06-18-2009, 02:44 PM

So I really didn't want to be that guy, but I've received a mix bag of advice this week and want to see in general how a random sample of people handle breakups.

Post-breakup do you go cold turkey or try to maintain a friendship? I've always done the latter and eventually it faded, but going cold turkey this week (last Saturday to be exact, I was the one who got rejected) is going well so far but temptation to pick up that phone is strongly kicking in.

Boredom leads to relapse.

Thoughts?

mikejet · 06-18-2009, 02:50 PM

Depends on how mutual the breakup was and how civil things were handed.

I only keep in touch with 1 person that I broke up with because we were really connected and had great communication. A lot of respect for each other too.

Everyone else I just don't call anymore. Probably because they weren't real relationships.

I was with my wife for 10 years before we got married and the times that weren't perfect we still talked and never cut each other off.

So my advice is to judge your decision on how close you two became as friends and how mature you both are.

And no matter what, your mutual friends will all pick sides. That is a given. No matter what they say they are lying and chose a side the second they heard about the breakup.

Blu-Benny · 06-18-2009, 02:53 PM

i don't talk to anyone i've dated in the past, again, most likely b/c there was nothing real special there.

jkwest · 06-18-2009, 02:57 PM

I'm way too emotional...I could never be friends with someone who split with me....

Mike53421 · 06-18-2009, 03:00 PM

We had/have a solid foundation, good friendship and spoke everyday for about a year and a half. Started hanging out more and more in the last couple months and from my end it felt like it was developing into something but... obviously that didn't pan out. So now I'm feeling that social hole in my day and wouldn't mind having a normal conversation not focusing on all these feelings. I had originally hoped to wait longer to re-open things but I told her I needed some space and she reminded me to do what I have to do and her door's always open.

For other people I dated I didn't have as strong as a connection with so when it was over it was easier, but this whole situation bummed me out earlier in the week. That comes from both sides, as the person who ends it and the person who had it ended on them.

I can certainly see where the cold turkey idea is good but there is an empty feeling tied to it.

The ANGRY breakups though, if they cheat or do something that truly angers you, that's much easier to decide and you gotta cut that loose because everything will always come back to the arguments. I've experienced it and seen it elsewhere.

mikejet · 06-18-2009, 03:02 PM

Yeah but if you jump in too soon you don't want those same feeligns to develop and make you miss something that didn't work out in the first place.

Take the time you need. If you feel that you are finally ready then give her a call.

jkwest · 06-18-2009, 03:03 PM

its like tape or a bandaid...you just gotta pull it off fast..it worse right away, but, the pain lessens a lot sooner than dragging it out.

Another_Dude · 06-18-2009, 03:10 PM

I'm friends w/ several ex's, which works fine if there is PLENTY of time between the relationship phase and the friendship phase.

For now, don't even think about calling unless its to ask if her younger sister (or mom, if she's hot) is home.

Mike53421 · 06-18-2009, 03:27 PM

Why do we never take good advice, Jesus...

Curiousity killed the cat. I'm sorry guys.

I hate giving people advice, them not taking it then watching the whole thing crash and burn.

Another question, fairly clean ending but she has somebody new. I also have 3 Green Day tickets (for her friend's birthday, and her, I'm not paying for them obviously) and currently have the tickets in my possession. I also know another female friend who wants to go and missed the on-sale date. So I'm going to have to see her in a month. The bitter side of me wants to bail and take someone else, but that would be a huge '**** you' in the process, time will tell I suppose.

silversnake · 06-18-2009, 03:28 PM

I have only been able to or wanted to keep talking to one of my ex's but as Mikejet said the communication is very open and there's a lot of respect on both sides.

If you have a doubt that you aren't ready to jump back in because you're still fragile, than I would suggest waiting a bit more. Time will heal.

For your tickets, either you stick with your plan and the friendship may or may not work out in the end but you might not have a great time considering who you are going with. Your other friendship is already there and you would probably have a better time, in my opinion at least, so I vote for take the other friend.

jkwest · 06-18-2009, 03:29 PM

thats the clean break for ya...take the other girl...sever it now.

Chordata · 06-18-2009, 03:31 PM

Here's the rule:

It's ok for you to be friends with your ex's. I am friends with 95% of mine and I'd have no problem being friends with the other 5%.

My wife, however, is not allowed to be friends with any of her ex's.

Anti-SD · 06-18-2009, 03:33 PM

I'm kind of in the same situation - I'm pretty sure she's broken up with me since I haven't heard from her in nearly 2 and a half months. She won't return my calls, or texts.

I honestly have no idea what I did or what happened but it's torn me apart because I miss her loads and I really did love her. I'm not going to keep pestering her though; if she doesn't want to be with me then I have to live with that fact, as hard as it may be.

And like one of you said already, I get way too emotional and being friends would be pretty impossible in my case -- I doubt she would want to be friends anyways.

Mike53421 · 06-18-2009, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anti-SD

I'm kind of in the same situation - I'm pretty sure she's broken up with me since I haven't heard from her in nearly 2 and a half months. She won't return my calls, or texts.

I honestly have no idea what I did or what happened but it's torn me apart because I miss her loads and I really did love her. I'm not going to keep pestering her though; if she doesn't want to be with me then I have to live with that fact, as hard as it may be.

And like one of you said already, I get way too emotional and being friends would be pretty impossible in my case -- I doubt she would want to be friends anyways.

Dated then she went MIA for two months? How serious was it? Last summer I was seeing somebody casually and suddenly she got busy... anytime I wanted to go grab a coffee or something. We'd talk just fine (not in person at this point) then when the topic of hanging out came up she'd be busy all of a sudden. After a couple times asking, I was out for my birthday actually and bumped into her, we had the same cozy relationship we had previously then upon leaving I said "we should hang out sometime" and then she was "busy" again. Thankfully, I was sober enough to call her on her bullshit and that was that.

It doesn't sound like she's respecting you unless she has some solid excuse for being busy in the last 2 months or so!

Deadset · 06-18-2009, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by O_V_N

Here's the rule:

It's ok for you to be friends with your ex's. I am friends with 95% of mine and I'd have no problem being friends with the other 5%.

My wife, however, is not allowed to be friends with any of her ex's.

My wife pretty much wouldn't allow that rule for me

But to OP and anyone going through it, it'll get better eventually and you'll find someone else. I usually do the band aide approach....plus when you get older everyone moves around for jobs etc...so it's tough to keep in touch anyway.

Go out with the boys, have a cold beer and turn your focus to something else till you're over her.

MCT · 06-18-2009, 03:46 PM

I havent had a steady girlfriend since 2004. That's how bitter I am over my last breakup. Crazy ass Dominican women. Soured me on dating completely. Bachelor for life.

JJ · 06-18-2009, 03:46 PM

I'm mad direct from the getgo. I don't put up with no BS or nonsense. My happiness comes #1 - if I'm not content, I'm outty - I make it clear what the situation is from the outset with a woman, whether its an f-buddy, dating, or a relationship. This, I find, leads to less drama and situations later.

If you have valid reasons for breaking up with a woman - state them, state your objective, and move on with it. No reason to tiptoe around the tulips.

With my exs, it took some time, but after pretty much avoiding each other like the plague, I became friends with them again over varying periods of time - with one, it took about 5 years (lol) and with another it took around 6 months. But if you value them as a person but not as a significant other, then sure, why not keep them as a friend?

LOL @ MCT - I dated a dominican 4 years back - she's the only one of my ex's I never re-made friends with - gorgeous, but with no future - haven't heard from her since.

Anti-SD · 06-18-2009, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike53421

Dated then she went MIA for two months? How serious was it? Last summer I was seeing somebody casually and suddenly she got busy... anytime I wanted to go grab a coffee or something. We'd talk just fine (not in person at this point) then when the topic of hanging out came up she'd be busy all of a sudden. After a couple times asking, I was out for my birthday actually and bumped into her, we had the same cozy relationship we had previously then upon leaving I said "we should hang out sometime" and then she was "busy" again. Thankfully, I was sober enough to call her on her bullshit and that was that.

It doesn't sound like she's respecting you unless she has some solid excuse for being busy in the last 2 months or so!

I'm really stumped tbh - it all seemed to be going so well. At least have the decency to tell me what is going on! I have a sneaky feeling that she wasn't totally over her ex, who cheated on her. She seemed like the kind that would forgive and forget and unfortunately for me she probably forgave and forgot her ex, secretely getting back together with him behind my back. I could be jumping to conclusions there but I've run out of reasons.

Like I said, I'll leave her alone. If she wants to come back then she will, but I'm starting to lose hope.

Mike53421 · 06-18-2009, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anti-SD

I'm really stumped tbh - it all seemed to be going so well. At least have the decency to tell me what is going on! I have a sneaky feeling that she wasn't totally over her ex, who cheated on her. She seemed like the kind that would forgive and forget and unfortunately for me she probably forgave and forgot her ex, secretely getting back together with him behind my back. I could be jumping to conclusions there but I've run out of reasons.

Like I said, I'll leave her alone. If she wants to come back then she will, but I'm starting to lose hope.

That sucks, it's the lack of respect that bothers me in those situations, failure to at least provide some sort of answer or closure for the person. Then again, in the past I've led on people too or been confusing. Karma has been too inconsistent for me for me to rely on that lately. Or perhaps I just answered my own question there.

Unfortunately, it may be a good idea to take the advice the others have given me here and take care of your own life and just go out with the guys for a beer or twelve.

Most relationships started out of something positive, it's not like you hate eachother right away and then date for years on end. Which is why I think I'm in denial, it's much easier to SAY I'll do something then to actually follow through with the plan. Do as I say, not as a I do.

FindYourWay · 06-18-2009, 04:12 PM

I do not keep connected with execs. No way. When I'm into someone, it is with so much passion...so to have them around after doesn't work, it's like dangling a carrot.

Although, all my execs have come back for more...every time. But by then I have always moved on.

06-18-2009, 03:28 PM	#10
silversnake Blu-ray Champion Member since:Feb 2008 Location:Montreal Home Theater Gallery:22 4K collection:7 Blu-ray collection:498 Blu-ray reviews:6 Trading Score:32	I have only been able to or wanted to keep talking to one of my ex's but as Mikejet said the communication is very open and there's a lot of respect on both sides. If you have a doubt that you aren't ready to jump back in because you're still fragile, than I would suggest waiting a bit more. Time will heal. For your tickets, either you stick with your plan and the friendship may or may not work out in the end but you might not have a great time considering who you are going with. Your other friendship is already there and you would probably have a better time, in my opinion at least, so I vote for take the other friend. Last edited by silversnake; 06-18-2009 at 03:31 PM.

06-18-2009, 03:46 PM	#17
JJ Blu-ray Count Top ranked HT gallery Member since:Jul 2007 Location:Miami, FL Home Theater Gallery:99 4K collection:619 Blu-ray collection:1293 DVD collection:31 Digital collection:5 Blu-ray reviews: 18 Trading Score:203	I'm mad direct from the getgo. I don't put up with no BS or nonsense. My happiness comes #1 - if I'm not content, I'm outty - I make it clear what the situation is from the outset with a woman, whether its an f-buddy, dating, or a relationship. This, I find, leads to less drama and situations later. If you have valid reasons for breaking up with a woman - state them, state your objective, and move on with it. No reason to tiptoe around the tulips. With my exs, it took some time, but after pretty much avoiding each other like the plague, I became friends with them again over varying periods of time - with one, it took about 5 years (lol) and with another it took around 6 months. But if you value them as a person but not as a significant other, then sure, why not keep them as a friend? LOL @ MCT - I dated a dominican 4 years back - she's the only one of my ex's I never re-made friends with - gorgeous, but with no future - haven't heard from her since. Last edited by JJ; 06-18-2009 at 03:50 PM.

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06-18-2009, 02:44 PM	#1
Mike53421 Blu-ray Samurai Member since:Jan 2009 Location:Mississauga, ON Blu-ray collection:40	Ugh... The Breakup Methods Thread So I really didn't want to be that guy, but I've received a mix bag of advice this week and want to see in general how a random sample of people handle breakups. Post-breakup do you go cold turkey or try to maintain a friendship? I've always done the latter and eventually it faded, but going cold turkey this week (last Saturday to be exact, I was the one who got rejected) is going well so far but temptation to pick up that phone is strongly kicking in. Boredom leads to relapse. Thoughts?

06-18-2009, 02:50 PM	#2
mikejet Banned Member since:Sep 2008 Location:Los Angeles, CA Blu-ray reviews:5 Trading Score:29	Depends on how mutual the breakup was and how civil things were handed. I only keep in touch with 1 person that I broke up with because we were really connected and had great communication. A lot of respect for each other too. Everyone else I just don't call anymore. Probably because they weren't real relationships. I was with my wife for 10 years before we got married and the times that weren't perfect we still talked and never cut each other off. So my advice is to judge your decision on how close you two became as friends and how mature you both are. And no matter what, your mutual friends will all pick sides. That is a given. No matter what they say they are lying and chose a side the second they heard about the breakup.

06-18-2009, 02:53 PM	#3
Blu-Benny Michael Bay's #1 Fan Top contributor Member since:Aug 2008 Location:Wisconsin Home Theater Gallery:39 Blu-ray collection:552 DVD collection:108 Trading Score:138	i don't talk to anyone i've dated in the past, again, most likely b/c there was nothing real special there.

06-18-2009, 02:57 PM	#4
jkwest Off-Topic King Member since:Jul 2007 Location:Northern California PSN Id: jkwest5 Blu-ray reviews:1 Trading Score:20	I'm way too emotional...I could never be friends with someone who split with me....

06-18-2009, 03:00 PM	#5
Mike53421 Blu-ray Samurai Member since:Jan 2009 Location:Mississauga, ON Blu-ray collection:40	We had/have a solid foundation, good friendship and spoke everyday for about a year and a half. Started hanging out more and more in the last couple months and from my end it felt like it was developing into something but... obviously that didn't pan out. So now I'm feeling that social hole in my day and wouldn't mind having a normal conversation not focusing on all these feelings. I had originally hoped to wait longer to re-open things but I told her I needed some space and she reminded me to do what I have to do and her door's always open. For other people I dated I didn't have as strong as a connection with so when it was over it was easier, but this whole situation bummed me out earlier in the week. That comes from both sides, as the person who ends it and the person who had it ended on them. I can certainly see where the cold turkey idea is good but there is an empty feeling tied to it. The ANGRY breakups though, if they cheat or do something that truly angers you, that's much easier to decide and you gotta cut that loose because everything will always come back to the arguments. I've experienced it and seen it elsewhere.

06-18-2009, 03:02 PM	#6
mikejet Banned Member since:Sep 2008 Location:Los Angeles, CA Blu-ray reviews:5 Trading Score:29	Yeah but if you jump in too soon you don't want those same feeligns to develop and make you miss something that didn't work out in the first place. Take the time you need. If you feel that you are finally ready then give her a call.

06-18-2009, 03:03 PM	#7
jkwest Off-Topic King Member since:Jul 2007 Location:Northern California PSN Id: jkwest5 Blu-ray reviews:1 Trading Score:20	its like tape or a bandaid...you just gotta pull it off fast..it worse right away, but, the pain lessens a lot sooner than dragging it out.

06-18-2009, 03:10 PM	#8
Another_Dude Blu-ray Guru Member since:Dec 2008 Blu-ray collection:191 Blu-ray reviews:8	I'm friends w/ several ex's, which works fine if there is PLENTY of time between the relationship phase and the friendship phase. For now, don't even think about calling unless its to ask if her younger sister (or mom, if she's hot) is home.

06-18-2009, 03:27 PM	#9
Mike53421 Blu-ray Samurai Member since:Jan 2009 Location:Mississauga, ON Blu-ray collection:40	Why do we never take good advice, Jesus... Curiousity killed the cat. I'm sorry guys. I hate giving people advice, them not taking it then watching the whole thing crash and burn. Another question, fairly clean ending but she has somebody new. I also have 3 Green Day tickets (for her friend's birthday, and her, I'm not paying for them obviously) and currently have the tickets in my possession. I also know another female friend who wants to go and missed the on-sale date. So I'm going to have to see her in a month. The bitter side of me wants to bail and take someone else, but that would be a huge '**** you' in the process, time will tell I suppose.

06-18-2009, 03:29 PM	#11
jkwest Off-Topic King Member since:Jul 2007 Location:Northern California PSN Id: jkwest5 Blu-ray reviews:1 Trading Score:20	thats the clean break for ya...take the other girl...sever it now.

06-18-2009, 03:31 PM	#12
Chordata Blu-ray Knight Member since:Jan 2009 Location:Home of N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys Blu-ray collection:75 Blu-ray reviews:2 Trading Score:1	Here's the rule: It's ok for you to be friends with your ex's. I am friends with 95% of mine and I'd have no problem being friends with the other 5%. My wife, however, is not allowed to be friends with any of her ex's.

06-18-2009, 03:33 PM	#13
Anti-SD Special Member Member since:Jun 2008 Location:Gotham Blu-ray collection:74 Blu-ray reviews:1	I'm kind of in the same situation - I'm pretty sure she's broken up with me since I haven't heard from her in nearly 2 and a half months. She won't return my calls, or texts. I honestly have no idea what I did or what happened but it's torn me apart because I miss her loads and I really did love her. I'm not going to keep pestering her though; if she doesn't want to be with me then I have to live with that fact, as hard as it may be. And like one of you said already, I get way too emotional and being friends would be pretty impossible in my case -- I doubt she would want to be friends anyways.

06-18-2009, 03:46 PM	#16
MCT Blu-ray Ninja Member since:Nov 2008 Blu-ray collection:499 Blu-ray reviews: 8 Trading Score:1	I havent had a steady girlfriend since 2004. That's how bitter I am over my last breakup. Crazy ass Dominican women. Soured me on dating completely. Bachelor for life.

06-18-2009, 04:12 PM	#20
FindYourWay Special Member Member since:Jan 2009 Location:LA, CA	I do not keep connected with execs. No way. When I'm into someone, it is with so much passion...so to have them around after doesn't work, it's like dangling a carrot. Although, all my execs have come back for more...every time. But by then I have always moved on.

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