The "What's on your mind?" thread

[russweiss1]

Originally Posted by BizCat

Regarding life:

Every single decision I have made from the time I graduated high school (2006) has been a mistake that I regret.

The only thing that keeps me alive are my two wonderful children (they I do not regret, but I do regret marrying their mom, so that's messed up?). If it weren't for them I would have no reason to be here.

I'm sick of the constant everyday struggles I have, regardless if it's career, love, or just having a lack of any social life.

I would absolutely LOVE to pick up and move far away, hit the reset button, but I can't do that. So

That's where I'm at. Sorry for the darkness.

This made me sad. I'm sorry to hear that. You don't mention how old your kids are but if you are miserable it's likely they see it too. That isn't healthy for anyone. A joint custody split would let you keep your sanity and still see your kids regularly.

[Fors*]

Originally Posted by russweiss1

This made me sad. I'm sorry to hear that. You don't mention how old your kids are but if you are miserable it's likely they see it too. That isn't healthy for anyone. A joint custody split would let you keep your sanity and still see your kids regularly.

My kids were 16 and 12 when I got divorced 4 years ago....so they knew things were not great. Now, everyone is happy and the kids are well adjusted.

[Driver78]

I was watching a horror flick from 1981 the other day set on a beach, plenty of babes in bikinis frolicking about without a care in the world. Hard to believe those babes are now in their late 60's if their average was 22 back then and probably don't wear bikinis anymore Those who survived, that is. No telling how many of them got into bad habits later in life and look more like they're pushing 80. You're not going to stay young forever, ladies. Make the best of it.

[Waboman]

Some positive vibes from old man Wabo on this Wednesday afternoon…

[red_5ive]

Originally Posted by Mike16

How are people actually buying houses in today's economy? Jeeeeeeez. I'm tired of paying nearly $2000/mo for rent on a 2 bedroom, but I can't seem to get approved for a small house. I make 60-65k/yr, 750+ credit score, and have more than 20% down. I've found houses listed online well under $200k that I should be able to afford but Lenders and selling agents aren't even returning my calls, its frustrating but I'm clueless about real estate so I can't do this on my own.

I guess real estate and lending laws really are that drastically different between states as that should get you qualified here in California. But of course, good luck finding a single dwelling under $500k out here. My son and his wife - who were just married over the weekend - each have about the same income as you (so roughly together they're at about $130k) and are first time buyers, and they qualified for a new $650k house that is still under construction. I thought it was actually scary they qualified for that. They know they're gonna be strapped.

[red_5ive]

Originally Posted by BizCat

Regarding life:

Every single decision I have made from the time I graduated high school (2006) has been a mistake that I regret.

The only thing that keeps me alive are my two wonderful children (they I do not regret, but I do regret marrying their mom, so that's messed up?). If it weren't for them I would have no reason to be here.

I'm sick of the constant everyday struggles I have, regardless if it's career, love, or just having a lack of any social life.

I would absolutely LOVE to pick up and move far away, hit the reset button, but I can't do that. So

That's where I'm at. Sorry for the darkness.

Sorry to hear. I hope things improve for you, and I hear ya on the whole lack of social life thing. I moved away from my friends after getting married, and although I still keep in touch with them, it isn't easy to meet up due to the distance, and I've had a bit of a rough time finding close friends out here where I live. And the brother-in-laws on my wife's side of the family - who all live close - are not the kind of people I like to hang with. It was rough making the adjustment early on in my marriage.

For what it's worth, what I found works for me is finding hobbies, things I really enjoy doing, which in turn does help with the social life aspect, for example I have a group of mountain bikers I ride with. I don't want to sound like the answers are easy and I know every situation is different, but I hope things improve for you.

[fighthefutureofhd]

Originally Posted by BizCat

Regarding life:

Every single decision I have made from the time I graduated high school (2006) has been a mistake that I regret.

The only thing that keeps me alive are my two wonderful children (they I do not regret, but I do regret marrying their mom, so that's messed up?). If it weren't for them I would have no reason to be here.

I'm sick of the constant everyday struggles I have, regardless if it's career, love, or just having a lack of any social life.

I would absolutely LOVE to pick up and move far away, hit the reset button, but I can't do that. So

That's where I'm at. Sorry for the darkness.

Dude, welcome to the story of my life. Without the wife and kids. For almost 16 years I have been struggling hard. No reason to get out, no reason to continue. But I do because the alternative scares the hell out of me despite being so depressed at times. And that's the tip of my iceberg. I also have ADHD, Autism, mild Bipolar disorder, severe clinical depression, on multiple medications, no life, very little friends, have done ABSOLUTELY nothing with my life, & almost debilitating Restless Leg Syndrome.

That last one really is hard. There are times where I'm in so much pain I can't even think straight. Right now it's excruciating You've got two kids to come home to, a pretty decent house, and lots of nice stuff to enjoy. Your life may seem like it's totally the pits, but it's always worse elsewhere. I'm living proof of that. You've got way more than me. Be thankful you aren't me.

Originally Posted by Fors*

I get it. I already shared with you my story and my thoughts about living your best life. All I can follow up on is that happiness doesn't look for you....you have to go looking for it. Change is the only thing in life that is constant, you can embrace it or allow things to remain the same...it is ultimately your choice.

That's good advice but also way, WAY easier said than done. Life gets in the way too often. And sometimes you're drowning so much that no matter what you it doesn't help.

[Show spoiler]No matter how much you
Try to change
That weight just pulls you back under
Like a ball of rain
followed by some thunder

You want to make a difference
You want to do some good
But there's not enough wood
For the eternal fire

You want to see some light
At the end of that tunnel
But it's just another funnel
for the eternal fire

Wake up walk up
Day in day out
Everything brimming over your cup
What you got to moan about
With the world's weight pulling you under
That ball of rain
Has torn you asunder

You want to make a difference
You want to do some good
But there's not enough wood
for that eternal fire

You want to see some light
At the end of that tunnel
But it's just another funnel
For that eternal fire

Yes, in some ways, it is ultimately your choice. But life finds a way to infiltrate that and make it much more challenging. It's just not always that easy to pick up and do. I do think you have to do something and I agree with that, but you have turn over that starter to get things going. When you can't, it may not be anything you can control or help. Plus, it may take years before the damn thing starts. God knows I have tried. When so much is stacked against you though, it makes it easy to roll over and renege.

[Bigdog]

Originally Posted by red_5ive

I guess real estate and lending laws really are that drastically different between states as that should get you qualified here in California. But of course, good luck finding a single dwelling under $500k out here. My son and his wife - who were just married over the weekend - each have about the same income as you (so roughly together they're at about $130k) and are first time buyers, and they qualified for a new $650k house that is still under construction. I thought it was actually scary they qualified for that. They know they're gonna be strapped.

Yikes, I dont want to butt into other peoples business here but a couple that makes under 150k joint should not be looking at over half a million dollar homes.

At say 6% interest rate and with 120k=20% down on a 600k home you are looking at 3k plus a month easy after taxes and insurance. God forbid they live in HOA hell land, you can then add another 500 a month easy on top of that.

Mike, if you have a 750 credit rating and actually have 20% available to put down and are fully employed I dont see how you are not easily pre-approved for at least a 200-250k home. Your monthly cost if you can find something in that range will drop if you are paying 2k a month for an apartment. Get the hell out of that and start calling realtors, that is just flushing 2k a month down the crapper imo!

[red_5ive]

Originally Posted by Bigdog

Yikes, I dont want to butt into other peoples business here but a couple that makes under 150k joint should not be looking at over half a million dollar homes.

At say 6% interest rate and with 120k=20% down on a 600k home you are looking at 3k plus a month easy after taxes and insurance. God forbid they live in HOA hell land, you can then add another 500 a month easy on top of that.

Mike, if you have a 750 credit rating and actually have 20% available to put down and are fully employed I dont see how you are not easily pre-approved for at least a 200-250k home. Your monthly cost if you can find something in that range will drop if you are paying 2k a month for an apartment. Get the hell out of that and start calling realtors, that is just flushing 2k a month down the crapper imo!

Trust me, I'm with you on all this, and they're aware of it, too. My only point was how they managed to qualify for it in the first place when Mike16 doesn't seem to be having any luck for what is more of a reasonable situation. It's a much different game in CA.

[sfmarine]

Anyone know why Waze removed the "road kill" option?

[RageATL]

Originally Posted by BizCat

Regarding life:

Every single decision I have made from the time I graduated high school (2006) has been a mistake that I regret.

The only thing that keeps me alive are my two wonderful children (they I do not regret, but I do regret marrying their mom, so that's messed up?). If it weren't for them I would have no reason to be here.

I'm sick of the constant everyday struggles I have, regardless if it's career, love, or just having a lack of any social life.

I would absolutely LOVE to pick up and move far away, hit the reset button, but I can't do that. So

That's where I'm at. Sorry for the darkness.

Hate to hear this for ya, Biz, but never apologize for sharing this kinda stuff...dudes need to do this and doing so needs to be normalized as *not* talking about it, even with strangers on the internet, tends to lead to even darker places. Not sure if it's a possibility for ya, but speaking for myself, being in therapy has helped immensely. I've been with my same counselor since my divorce, so like 13 years now, and even baby steps in getting through a current struggle is still progress. Before I got divorced, I was in such a dark place, a hole even and never thought I'd climb my way out, but seemingly by some sort of divine intervention, things changed. I was finally able to and figured things out for myself. Even though it took me as long as it did and however painful it might be at first, don't be afraid to change as that could jump start a rebirth in you. I've also recently stopped hammering myself on what isn't going well in my life (however trivial that might be) and focusing on the good stuff and being thankful/grateful for that. Just know that people do care.

[OceanBlue]

Felt alright last Saturday night (watched two films), but the following night I wasn't feeling 100% so I just rested and watched some recorded TV programmes off the planner (did the same on Monday night while starting playing catch-up on here). This week so far I'm trying to be more relaxed in my mind, and less wound up by some members on here and their antics (switching off from and ignoring them).

While I would like to have more time on here, I think it would drive me mad. Am not the quickest typer, but so what? I'd rather make a few good posts than make scores of posts in one day. Tonight, have just taken my time getting some things done (deliberately avoiding areas where some members have posted and could post about leaked titles for a certain boutique label (it's the monthly routine as I prefer to find out on the Friday when the titles have been officially announced).

A bit of rain out tonight which helps me to concentrate and focus as much as possible.

[russweiss1]

Originally Posted by Driver78

I was watching a horror flick from 1981 the other day set on a beach, plenty of babes in bikinis frolicking about without a care in the world. Hard to believe those babes are now in their late 60's if their average was 22 back then and probably don't wear bikinis anymore Those who survived, that is. No telling how many of them got into bad habits later in life and look more like they're pushing 80. You're not going to stay young forever, ladies. Make the best of it.

My wife and I watched Monster From the Ocean Floor yesterday. I mentioned to her that it was filmed in 1954 so she said they're all dead now.

[OceanBlue]

When a person or some people twist something you've said, it does get annoying. There are one or two members who do that. Example: the two films I watched last Saturday night, Horror House on Highway Five and The Hearse. I never said at all that the latter is a slasher (I would call it

[Show spoiler]a gothic/ghost story drama with scary elements).

The former definitely is. I posted a mini-review of the former and only included the latter because that was the second film I watched. Sadly, the usual suspects do their usual thing regarding what is classed as a slasher (I've seen them do it before on here, and I should have left the mini-review posted elsewhere, but I was worried the post was too long as it was a mini-review of both films).

I am wary of posting in some areas (eg: a mini-review) and the above is an example of that. The Ignore list is a useful function on here.

[fighthefutureofhd]

[Show spoiler]Wondering why my good buzz
Has seemed to suddenly leave me
It was so great
and I loved it
I still feel pretty good, mind you
But not quite the same euphoric high
I had earlier this week

As though my good vibes did fly
Finding their path down
The long stretch of highway
As though my mind said
Goodbye to happiness
And started getting some uncanniness

Wondering where my good buzz went
I know it’s not all wasted
No, it’s not all spent
I’m still feeling good mind you
But not quite the same
Easy breezy euphoric high
I had there before

As though my good vibes did fly
Finding their way down
The long stretch of highway
As though my mind said
Goodbye to happiness
And started getting some uncanniness

Not really deeply depressed
Just sensing things getting stressed

[Show spoiler]Sometimes,
I feel my feeling
Better expressed in song
Sometimes,
I need to clear my mind
Like a field in VietCong

And when I do
Knowing it does not matter much
Cause anything without you
Is just as such

Cause who could love me
Love me anymore
Then they did
Like they did before

Sometimes,
I can see clearer
Draped in love, these three chords
Sometimes,
I need to hear the music in me
From the rafters to the boards

And when I do
Knowing it does not matter much
Cause anything without you
Is just as such

Cause who could love me
Love me anymore
Then they did
Like they did before

Sometimes, I feel my feeling better expressed in song.

Originally Posted by russweiss1

My wife and I watched Monster From the Ocean Floor yesterday. I mentioned to her that it was filmed in 1954 so she said they're all dead now.

Well, if the monster from the ocean floor didn't get them, time sure did.

[sfmarine]

Big vinyl news today.

This is getting a repress (2014 release), BUT it ain't cheap @ $545.



https://usastore.thebeatles.com/prod...-14-lp-box-set
$545 -- 10% off code

[Waboman]

Originally Posted by sfmarine

Big vinyl news today.

This is getting a repress (2014 release), BUT it ain't cheap @ $545.

[Show spoiler]

https://usastore.thebeatles.com/prod...-14-lp-box-set

$545 -- 10% off code

Those are some expensive cereal bowls.

[sfmarine]

Originally Posted by Waboman

Those are some expensive cereal bowls.

Speaking of expensive.

[fighthefutureofhd]

Boy, everything's gone up. And it ain't got jack to do with tariffs or the government. Just plain greed. I went to 7-Eleven and spent almost $3.00 on ONE lousy honey bun. I spent $2.14 before tax on a roll of SweetTarts. What has happened to this world? The worst offender is comic books. They cost upwards of $6.00/issue. What the hell? I could buy a brand new CD for that price.

[Vilya]

Please excuse my reposting this here as I am too tired (lazy?) to rewrite it for this thread. I enjoy conversing with all of the "usual suspects" that frequent these parts.

Four years ago today I went to the emergency room with what I thought was a digestive problem never suspecting that it was only the beginning of something much more serious. 10 surgeries and well over 200 appointments later brings me to this anniversary and the beginning of my final challenge.

Today is also one month since the implantation of my biventricular pacemaker; I still have 12 more days of post-op restrictions and I will be so glad when I get past them.

I saw my primary cardiologist on May 7th with my good friend and chauffeur as a witness to the conversation. My doctor told me that there is nothing more that he can do for me and that I am already getting every treatment that is available. He said that I need a heart transplant and probably the liver also. Transplantation is the only option left to me. It is worth noting that my neurologist does not agree that I need a liver transplant.

My main cardiologist is turning my care over to a transplant cardiologist whom I have seen twice before. I will be seeing my transplant cardiologist on June 5th and he is putting me back on the treadmill for another cardiac stress test (CPET). The test is riskier for me now as I have a high degree atrial-ventricular block, which is considered a relative contraindication for a CPET test.

The CPET test is just one of many tests that determine if a patient is a candidate for a heart transplant. The qualification process just to get on the transplant list is daunting both medically and financially, but my June 5th appointment is the first step of very many towards that objective.

My transplant cardiologist is also of the opinion that I need a double transplant and that only compounds the complexity and difficulty of it actually happening.

After these long and unimaginably difficult four years it has come to this. I need a heart transplant and maybe a liver transplant, too. It is the only option left to me and not a very easy one to accomplish. All I can do is try and we all know just how trying I can be.