Ugh... The Breakup Methods Thread - Blu-ray Forum

Mike53421 · 06-18-2009, 02:44 PM

So I really didn't want to be that guy, but I've received a mix bag of advice this week and want to see in general how a random sample of people handle breakups.

Post-breakup do you go cold turkey or try to maintain a friendship? I've always done the latter and eventually it faded, but going cold turkey this week (last Saturday to be exact, I was the one who got rejected) is going well so far but temptation to pick up that phone is strongly kicking in.

Boredom leads to relapse.

Thoughts?

mikejet · 06-18-2009, 02:50 PM

Depends on how mutual the breakup was and how civil things were handed.

I only keep in touch with 1 person that I broke up with because we were really connected and had great communication. A lot of respect for each other too.

Everyone else I just don't call anymore. Probably because they weren't real relationships.

I was with my wife for 10 years before we got married and the times that weren't perfect we still talked and never cut each other off.

So my advice is to judge your decision on how close you two became as friends and how mature you both are.

And no matter what, your mutual friends will all pick sides. That is a given. No matter what they say they are lying and chose a side the second they heard about the breakup.

Mike53421 · 06-18-2009, 03:00 PM

We had/have a solid foundation, good friendship and spoke everyday for about a year and a half. Started hanging out more and more in the last couple months and from my end it felt like it was developing into something but... obviously that didn't pan out. So now I'm feeling that social hole in my day and wouldn't mind having a normal conversation not focusing on all these feelings. I had originally hoped to wait longer to re-open things but I told her I needed some space and she reminded me to do what I have to do and her door's always open.

For other people I dated I didn't have as strong as a connection with so when it was over it was easier, but this whole situation bummed me out earlier in the week. That comes from both sides, as the person who ends it and the person who had it ended on them.

I can certainly see where the cold turkey idea is good but there is an empty feeling tied to it.

The ANGRY breakups though, if they cheat or do something that truly angers you, that's much easier to decide and you gotta cut that loose because everything will always come back to the arguments. I've experienced it and seen it elsewhere.

mikejet · 06-18-2009, 03:02 PM

Yeah but if you jump in too soon you don't want those same feeligns to develop and make you miss something that didn't work out in the first place.

Take the time you need. If you feel that you are finally ready then give her a call.

jkwest · 06-18-2009, 03:03 PM

its like tape or a bandaid...you just gotta pull it off fast..it worse right away, but, the pain lessens a lot sooner than dragging it out.

Another_Dude · 06-18-2009, 03:10 PM

I'm friends w/ several ex's, which works fine if there is PLENTY of time between the relationship phase and the friendship phase.

For now, don't even think about calling unless its to ask if her younger sister (or mom, if she's hot) is home.

Mike53421 · 06-18-2009, 03:27 PM

Why do we never take good advice, Jesus...

Curiousity killed the cat. I'm sorry guys.

I hate giving people advice, them not taking it then watching the whole thing crash and burn.

Another question, fairly clean ending but she has somebody new. I also have 3 Green Day tickets (for her friend's birthday, and her, I'm not paying for them obviously) and currently have the tickets in my possession. I also know another female friend who wants to go and missed the on-sale date. So I'm going to have to see her in a month. The bitter side of me wants to bail and take someone else, but that would be a huge '**** you' in the process, time will tell I suppose.

silversnake · 06-18-2009, 03:28 PM

I have only been able to or wanted to keep talking to one of my ex's but as Mikejet said the communication is very open and there's a lot of respect on both sides.

If you have a doubt that you aren't ready to jump back in because you're still fragile, than I would suggest waiting a bit more. Time will heal.

For your tickets, either you stick with your plan and the friendship may or may not work out in the end but you might not have a great time considering who you are going with. Your other friendship is already there and you would probably have a better time, in my opinion at least, so I vote for take the other friend.

Blu-Benny · 06-18-2009, 02:53 PM

i don't talk to anyone i've dated in the past, again, most likely b/c there was nothing real special there.

jkwest · 06-18-2009, 02:57 PM

I'm way too emotional...I could never be friends with someone who split with me....

Jellybeans · 06-18-2009, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jkwest

I'm way too emotional...I could never be friends with someone who split with me....

Same for me!

luscious · 06-19-2009, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike53421

So I really didn't want to be that guy, but I've received a mix bag of advice this week and want to see in general how a random sample of people handle breakups.

Post-breakup do you go cold turkey or try to maintain a friendship? I've always done the latter and eventually it faded, but going cold turkey this week (last Saturday to be exact, I was the one who got rejected) is going well so far but temptation to pick up that phone is strongly kicking in.

Boredom leads to relapse.

Thoughts?

In my experience the woman wants you to maintain a friendship. So I would try to maintain one if you can.

toef · 06-19-2009, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luscious

In my experience the woman wants you to maintain a friendship. So I would try to maintain one if you can.

I disagree. I say just avoid her altogether. It's almost impossible to remain friends with a girl that you used to be more than friends with.

I'm not saying it can't happen, it just rarely does, and keeping in touch may do more harm than good.

MCT · 06-19-2009, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by toefer

I disagree. I say just avoid her altogether. It's almost impossible to remain friends with a girl that you used to be more than friends with.

I'm not saying it can't happen, it just rarely does, and keeping in touch may do more harm than good.

exactly. Dont tell this man to be friends with her at this point. Its going to kill him inside when he sees her running around town with another man. Just charge it to the game as a loss, and move on from there. Take whatever time you need to heal and learn from this experience, but dont dwell on it forever. Life is too short for that nonsense, pal.

Mike53421 · 06-19-2009, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MCT

exactly. Dont tell this man to be friends with her at this point. Its going to kill him inside when he sees her running around town with another man. Just charge it to the game as a loss, and move on from there. Take whatever time you need to heal and learn from this experience, but dont dwell on it forever. Life is too short for that nonsense, pal.

At first it was tougher, but this sounds exactly to the point where one needs to get to. The thought of the other dude (who I met and was told was "just a friend, don't have to worry about him", which was suspicious) and her is what bothered me most.

**** it, it's Friday and sunny. Listening to Kanye at my desk haha, coincidently it's on the track "Drunk and Hot Girls" off Graduation.

jadedeath · 06-19-2009, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike53421

**** it, it's Friday and sunny. Listening to Kanye at my desk haha, coincidently it's on the track "Drunk and Hot Girls" off Graduation.

I'd suggest 99 Problems myself. *LOL*

Logan

mikejet · 07-15-2009, 03:02 PM

Best way to breakup? Just tell her you like Fish Sticks. She will understand.

supersix4 · 07-15-2009, 04:54 PM

text lol just say "hey just wnted to tell u i think we should c other ppl, I really like u but its not wrking out, alrighty gotta call ___(service provider) to get ur # blcked, bye!"

Mike53421 · 07-16-2009, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikejet

Best way to breakup? Just tell her you like Fish Sticks. She will understand.

And if she doesn't find humour in South Park, she wasn't the one anyways.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hc666

I use to stop paying attention to the girl... slowly... then getting hobbies that involved hours of me doing stuff without her like guitar, watching horror movies something off the wall... slowly it would all fall apart and she would end it...

perfect!

Posting actively on Blu-Ray.com Forums takes care of that!

Psychonaut · 07-16-2009, 02:27 PM

In early relationships, I would try to stay friends, hoping that they may see the error in their ways and would rekindle the relationship. What I actually found is that I ended up being a sounding board for their own relationship problems. I found myself morally obligated to try to help them, while every bone in my body was screaming at me to get them to break up. Anyway, this method is pure failure.

As years passed, I had ingested a fair amount of F**k It and got tired of hearing them whine about things being done to them that they had done to me. Late one night over a fifth of Crown Royal and a Ouija Board, it came to me.

If things started headed south and it didn't appear to be salvageable, I would really sour everything. My philosophy: make them hate me. It worked like a charm! No awkward breakup period, no lingering sadness... just one last blowout fight, slam the door, and move on. It's easier to tell them to piss off after a fight than after pleading with them to stay together.

If they don't want to be with you, get out.

06-18-2009, 02:44 PM	#1
Mike53421 Blu-ray Samurai Member since:Jan 2009 Location:Mississauga, ON Blu-ray collection:40	Ugh... The Breakup Methods Thread So I really didn't want to be that guy, but I've received a mix bag of advice this week and want to see in general how a random sample of people handle breakups. Post-breakup do you go cold turkey or try to maintain a friendship? I've always done the latter and eventually it faded, but going cold turkey this week (last Saturday to be exact, I was the one who got rejected) is going well so far but temptation to pick up that phone is strongly kicking in. Boredom leads to relapse. Thoughts?

06-18-2009, 03:28 PM	#8
silversnake Blu-ray Champion Member since:Feb 2008 Location:Montreal Home Theater Gallery:22 4K collection:7 Blu-ray collection:498 Blu-ray reviews:6 Trading Score:32	I have only been able to or wanted to keep talking to one of my ex's but as Mikejet said the communication is very open and there's a lot of respect on both sides. If you have a doubt that you aren't ready to jump back in because you're still fragile, than I would suggest waiting a bit more. Time will heal. For your tickets, either you stick with your plan and the friendship may or may not work out in the end but you might not have a great time considering who you are going with. Your other friendship is already there and you would probably have a better time, in my opinion at least, so I vote for take the other friend. Last edited by silversnake; 06-18-2009 at 03:31 PM.

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06-18-2009, 02:50 PM	#2
mikejet Banned Member since:Sep 2008 Location:Los Angeles, CA Blu-ray reviews:5 Trading Score:29	Depends on how mutual the breakup was and how civil things were handed. I only keep in touch with 1 person that I broke up with because we were really connected and had great communication. A lot of respect for each other too. Everyone else I just don't call anymore. Probably because they weren't real relationships. I was with my wife for 10 years before we got married and the times that weren't perfect we still talked and never cut each other off. So my advice is to judge your decision on how close you two became as friends and how mature you both are. And no matter what, your mutual friends will all pick sides. That is a given. No matter what they say they are lying and chose a side the second they heard about the breakup.

06-18-2009, 03:00 PM	#3
Mike53421 Blu-ray Samurai Member since:Jan 2009 Location:Mississauga, ON Blu-ray collection:40	We had/have a solid foundation, good friendship and spoke everyday for about a year and a half. Started hanging out more and more in the last couple months and from my end it felt like it was developing into something but... obviously that didn't pan out. So now I'm feeling that social hole in my day and wouldn't mind having a normal conversation not focusing on all these feelings. I had originally hoped to wait longer to re-open things but I told her I needed some space and she reminded me to do what I have to do and her door's always open. For other people I dated I didn't have as strong as a connection with so when it was over it was easier, but this whole situation bummed me out earlier in the week. That comes from both sides, as the person who ends it and the person who had it ended on them. I can certainly see where the cold turkey idea is good but there is an empty feeling tied to it. The ANGRY breakups though, if they cheat or do something that truly angers you, that's much easier to decide and you gotta cut that loose because everything will always come back to the arguments. I've experienced it and seen it elsewhere.

06-18-2009, 03:02 PM	#4
mikejet Banned Member since:Sep 2008 Location:Los Angeles, CA Blu-ray reviews:5 Trading Score:29	Yeah but if you jump in too soon you don't want those same feeligns to develop and make you miss something that didn't work out in the first place. Take the time you need. If you feel that you are finally ready then give her a call.

06-18-2009, 03:03 PM	#5
jkwest Off-Topic King Member since:Jul 2007 Location:Northern California PSN Id: jkwest5 Blu-ray reviews:1 Trading Score:20	its like tape or a bandaid...you just gotta pull it off fast..it worse right away, but, the pain lessens a lot sooner than dragging it out.

06-18-2009, 03:10 PM	#6
Another_Dude Blu-ray Guru Member since:Dec 2008 Blu-ray collection:191 Blu-ray reviews:8	I'm friends w/ several ex's, which works fine if there is PLENTY of time between the relationship phase and the friendship phase. For now, don't even think about calling unless its to ask if her younger sister (or mom, if she's hot) is home.

06-18-2009, 03:27 PM	#7
Mike53421 Blu-ray Samurai Member since:Jan 2009 Location:Mississauga, ON Blu-ray collection:40	Why do we never take good advice, Jesus... Curiousity killed the cat. I'm sorry guys. I hate giving people advice, them not taking it then watching the whole thing crash and burn. Another question, fairly clean ending but she has somebody new. I also have 3 Green Day tickets (for her friend's birthday, and her, I'm not paying for them obviously) and currently have the tickets in my possession. I also know another female friend who wants to go and missed the on-sale date. So I'm going to have to see her in a month. The bitter side of me wants to bail and take someone else, but that would be a huge '**** you' in the process, time will tell I suppose.

06-18-2009, 02:53 PM	#9
Blu-Benny Michael Bay's #1 Fan Top contributor Member since:Aug 2008 Location:Wisconsin Home Theater Gallery:39 Blu-ray collection:552 DVD collection:108 Trading Score:138	i don't talk to anyone i've dated in the past, again, most likely b/c there was nothing real special there.

06-18-2009, 02:57 PM	#10
jkwest Off-Topic King Member since:Jul 2007 Location:Northern California PSN Id: jkwest5 Blu-ray reviews:1 Trading Score:20	I'm way too emotional...I could never be friends with someone who split with me....

07-15-2009, 03:02 PM	#17
mikejet Banned Member since:Sep 2008 Location:Los Angeles, CA Blu-ray reviews:5 Trading Score:29	Best way to breakup? Just tell her you like Fish Sticks. She will understand.

07-15-2009, 04:54 PM	#18
supersix4 Blu-ray Archduke Top contributor Member since:Mar 2007 Blu-ray collection:572 Blu-ray reviews: 53 Trading Score:3	text lol just say "hey just wnted to tell u i think we should c other ppl, I really like u but its not wrking out, alrighty gotta call ___(service provider) to get ur # blcked, bye!"

07-16-2009, 02:27 PM	#20
Psychonaut Blu-ray Samurai Member since:Apr 2008 Location:Second left after Wal-Mart Blu-ray collection:111	In early relationships, I would try to stay friends, hoping that they may see the error in their ways and would rekindle the relationship. What I actually found is that I ended up being a sounding board for their own relationship problems. I found myself morally obligated to try to help them, while every bone in my body was screaming at me to get them to break up. Anyway, this method is pure failure. As years passed, I had ingested a fair amount of F**k It and got tired of hearing them whine about things being done to them that they had done to me. Late one night over a fifth of Crown Royal and a Ouija Board, it came to me. If things started headed south and it didn't appear to be salvageable, I would really sour everything. My philosophy: make them hate me. It worked like a charm! No awkward breakup period, no lingering sadness... just one last blowout fight, slam the door, and move on. It's easier to tell them to piss off after a fight than after pleading with them to stay together. If they don't want to be with you, get out.

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