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Originally Posted by Diesel
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WOW.................
No.10 - Weird Science
When you think of raunchy movies, John Hughes’ PG-13 science project is one of the last to come to mind. Still, the censors thought it necessary to edit Weird Science to pieces. This video is hilarious for the sheer number of inane things they came up with. For example, they say “candle wax on their pimples” instead of “candle wax on their nipples.” Since when is “nipple” a bad word? “Candle wax on pimples” seems like it would cause more problems; what happens when some idiot teenager thinks this might clear up his acne?
No.9 - Pulp Fiction
Is there a movie that’s more inappropriate for television than Pulp Fiction? In addition to guns, violence, heavy drug use, homosexual rape, racism, heads exploding, and watches in *******s, the word ”f*ck” is uttered 265 times. Still, here it is on the tube. As a sign of changing acceptance, where Weird Science was once edited for saying “nipples,” Pulp Fiction was able to say the N-word in this TV cut.
No.8 - Ghost Busters
Ivan Reitman anticipated Ghost Busters being edited for television, so to avoid bad TV censorship, he shot additional broadcast-friendly scenes. In this scene, Stantz calls Walter Peck, "Wally Wick" instead of "Dickless." Then Venkman's claim that Peck "has no dick" was changed to call him "some kind of rodent, I don't know which." The scene ends up making no sense. Good job Reitman, way to avoid bad TV censors.
No.7 - RoboCop
RoboCop was initially rated X for violence, but it was later re-edited for the friendlier R rating. It was edited again for television to include such memorable lines as: “You're gonna be one bad mother cruncher” instead of “mother f*cker.” Mother cruncher sounds way more violent, doesn’t it? The original line just implies sweet lovemaking to mom. Now RoboCop is supposed to crunch sweet ol’ moms.
No.6 - Casino
This Martin Scorsese masterpiece uses the word “f*ck” 398 times. That’s more of an editing nightmare than Pulp Fiction. Here is a two-minute scene in which they edited “f*ck” out 21 times. That’s a “f*ck” every six seconds or so. It expertly ends with Joe Pesci calling Robert De Niro a “stupid sucker, you” instead of mother f*cker. That’s more appropriate than “mother cruncher,” at least.
No.5 - Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
Neil Patrick Harris began his comeback with this whacked-out ecstasy scene in this stoner classic. Perhaps the best part is hearing the former child M.D. saying: “Forget White Castle, let's go get some *****!” It became even better when the public later learned that Neil Patrick Harris abhors it. Here the censors make it more appropriate to Harris by adding the unisex word “privates.”
No.4 - Scarface
Nothing is better than a coke-fueled Cuban on a killing spree. Perfect, bring in the kids, because they’re going to learn just what kind of town Miami is: “This town is like a great big chicken just waitin’ to be plucked.” The editors on Scarface also found a better word to substitute in for “*****” than the guys who worked on White Castle, and that word is “pineapple.” Imagine Neil Patrick saying that instead; it would become a new euphemism for male privates.
No.3 - The Usual Suspects
The scene in which the viewer learns just how badass the characters in this movie are, is the lineup scene. Now, instead of them yelling: “Give me the keys you f*cking ********er,” they’re screaming: “You fairy godmother.” If a carjacker ever actually yelled that, he would become the laughing stock of all the carjacker clubs.
No.2 - The Big Lebowski
John Goodman is arguably the best part of this Joel and Ethan Coen comedy. He loses his cool in multiple scenes and graces the viewer with profanity-riddled diatribes, none better than when he demolishes a car screaming: “This is what happens when you f*ck a stranger in the ass.” The TV editors thought “See what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps,” summed up the same sentiment. Do they even have Corvettes in the Alps? If they do, apparently they just beat them to hell.
No.1 - Die Hard
The most classic of all TV edits is, “Yippee-ki-yay, Mr. Falcon.” He couldn’t have said “mother cruncher” or “money lover?” No, the censors of all things terrible went above and beyond and wrote a new classic line to replace one of the most famous lines in action-movie history. In case anyone is wondering, the bad guy in the film is not named Mr. Falcon.
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. I guess the sequel will have Monkey fightin snakes in it as well as snakes.
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