Fun in the Insiders Thread

[Crackbone]

Originally Posted by RangerSix

Apocalpse Now: Format War Redux

Willard: [voiceover] Seattle... shit; I'm still only in Seattle... Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back in Redmond. When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I emailed "yes" to a divorce. When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting back into Microsoft. I'm here a week now... waiting for a forum... getting softer; every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker, and every minute the red ant’s squat in the bush, they get stronger. Each time I looked around, the walls moved in a little tighter.

Willard: Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a forum, and for my sins, they gave me one. Brought it up to me like room service. It was a real choice forum, and when it was over, I never wanted another.

Microsft Exec #1: Your mission is to proceed to HighDefDigest. Pick up Amir's path, follow it and learn what you can along the way. When you find the Amir, infiltrate his team of red ants by whatever means available and demote Amir.
Willard: Demote Amir?
Bill Gates: He's out there operating without any decent restraint, totally beyond the pale of any acceptable human conduct. And he is still in cyberspace spreading FUD.
Microsift Exec #2: Demote with extreme prejudice.
Microsft Exec #1: You understand Captain that this mission does not exist, nor will it ever exist.

CPT Willard: Oh man, the shit piled up so fast at Microsoft that you needed wings to stay above it. I took the mission, what else was I going to do?


Willard: The machinist, the one they called Maxpower1987, was from London. He was wrapped too tight for HDD, probably wrapped too tight for London. Paidgeek on the forward 50's was a famous surfer from the beaches south of LA. You look at him and you wouldn't believe he ever written a post in his whole life. Talkstr8t, Talkstr8t, was from some California shithole. The light and space of AVS really put the zap on his head. Then there was Penton-man. It might have been my mission, but it sure as shit was Penton-man’s boat.

Willard: My mission is to make it up into HighDefDigest. There's a Microsoft executive up there who's gone insane. I'm supposed to ban him.

BD Insiders: What? Oh, that's typical! Shit! ****in' format war mission! I'm short, and we gotta go up there so you can demote one of Microsoft’s guys? That's ****in' great! That's just ****in' great. Shit. That's ****in' crazy. I thought you were going in there to blow up a red ant, or some ****ing thread or somethin'.

BD Insider’s: This Amir guy? He's wacko, man! He's worse than crazy. He's evil. It's ****in' pagan idolatry. Look around you. Shit! He's loco... I ain't afraid of all them red ant ****in' skulls and altars and shit. I used to think if I died in an evil place, then my soul wouldn't be able to make it to Heaven. But now? ****! I mean, I don't care where it goes, as long as it ain't here. So whaddya wanna do? I'll ban the ****.


Rdjam: What are they gonna say about him? What are they gonna say? That he was a kind man? That he was a wise man? That he had plans? That he had wisdom? Bullshit man!

Willard: Could we, uh... talk to Amir?

Rdjam: Hey, man, you don't talk to the Amir. You listen to him. The man's enlarged my mind. He's a poet-FUD warrior in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he'll... uh... well, you'll say "hello" to him, right? And he'll just walk right by you. He won't even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab you, and he'll throw you in a corner, and he'll say, "do you know that 'if' is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you"... I mean I'm no, I can't... I'm a little man, I'm a little man, he's... he's a great man. I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas...


Amir: I’ve seen FUD... FUD that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a liar. You have a right to ban me. You have a right to do that... but you have no right to demote me from Microsoft. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what FUD means. FUD. FUD has a face... and you must make a friend of FUD. FUD and moral terror are your friends. If they are not then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies.

Amir: Did they say why, Willard, why they want to demote my organization?
Willard: I was sent on a classified mission, sir.
Amir: It's no longer classified, is it? Did they tell you?
Willard: They told me that you had gone totally insane, and that your methods were unsound.
Amir: Are my methods unsound?
Willard: I don't see any method at all, sir.
Amir: I expected someone like you. What did you expect? Are you an assassin?
Willard: I'm a BD insider.
Amir: You're neither. You're an errand boy, sent by moderators, to collect a bill.


Willard: Everybody wanted me to do it, him most of all. I felt like he was up there, waiting for me to take the pain away. He just wanted to go out like a Microsoft executive, monopolizing small companies, not like some poor, wasted, rag-assed renegade like rdjam. Even Redmond wanted him dead, and that's who he really took his orders from anyway.

Amir: The FUD. The FUD.

Dude, right now, I think this is the best post I have ever read.

Bravo for taking what is my favorite movie of all time and posting the most humorous post on the format war I've read so far.

Just incredible.