Favorite Quote/Blurb by a Film Critic

[Cremildo]

Mine is from one of the kings of quote-w*oredom himself, Peter Travers, for Mulholland Dr. It's so typically over-the-top, yet so accurate at the same time, even the tone is perfect:

Originally Posted by Peter Travers

There's nothing like this baby anywhere! This sinful pleasure is a fresh triumph for Lynch, and one of the best films of the year. Visionary daring, swooning eroticism and colors that pop out like a who*e's lip gloss!

What's yours?

[Juels Winnfield]

[TajSamKojiJesam]

I can't remember (and can't find) which critic said it, but I've seen David Fincher's The Game described as a post-death-of-God remake of It's a Wonderful Life, with faceless huge corporations instead of angels. That's pretty funny and kinda spot on! I may have already mentioned it on this board somewehere.

[The Debts]

Roger Ebert had two amazing zingers that have been etched into my brain for eternity: His thoughts on Freddy Got Fingered and Transformers Revenge of the Fallen.

The former:

This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels.

The latter:

If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.

[DanTheMan]

Ready Player One

“Be excited for it!”

- Erik Davis, Fandango

[Michael24]

Leonard Maltin's review (which is in the Guinness World Records as the shortest movie review ever) for 1948's Isn't It Romantic? - "No."

[DenOfEarth]

Leonard Maltin's funny review on The Garbage Pail Kids whom he gave a BOMB.

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987). Crude live-action kiddie film "inspired" by the popular and controversial bubble-gum cards which feature creatures with names like Greaser Greg and Valerie Vomit. They all live in a garbage pail, where they are destined to be joined by the negative of this movie.

[stigdu]

I can't remember which film it was, or who gave the review, but there's a genuine film poster that features 5-star reviews plastered across the front of it, except the marketing department have sneakily snuck in a 2-star review in there between the two actors, making it look like a 5-star review (as their bodies cover up the spaces where you would think the other stars would be).

[dallywhitty]

I've always liked the Jonathan Ross quote on the back of the Batman Forever UK VHS.

[demonknight]

Rex Reed on Female Trouble:

Where do these people come from? Where do they go when the sun goes down? Isn't there a law or something?

[Creed]

Originally Posted by stigdu

I can't remember which film it was, or who gave the review, but there's a genuine film poster that features 5-star reviews plastered across the front of it, except the marketing department have sneakily snuck in a 2-star review in there between the two actors, making it look like a 5-star review (as their bodies cover up the spaces where you would think the other stars would be).

Legend (2015). Absolutely perfect, even the reviewer commented on it.

[prkchopexpress]

the blurb they use from rex reed for the texas chainsaw massacre is pretty great.

but I really can't think of any others.

[bigrob]

I have a picture of this on my laptop that I will upload next but I found a bootleg DVD of Flight of the Phoenix and one of the quotes was 'absolutely pointless remake'

[stigdu]

Originally Posted by Creed

Legend (2015). Absolutely perfect, even the reviewer commented on it.

Yes!! That was it. Perfect marketing. Just so cheeky!

[DenOfEarth]

Originally Posted by prkchopexpress

the blurb they use from rex reed for the texas chainsaw massacre is pretty great.

but I really can't think of any others.

Yes it is while Basket Case is the sickest film Rex has ever seen.

[dancerslegs]

"By conservative estimate, the goddamnedest thing ever seen."

James Agee on Bill & Coo.

[DenOfEarth]

Here's a quote by one of my fave youtube critics Ocpcommunications on his rant review of Nightmare on Elm Street remake:

"This film should be condemned! there's serious fatigue in all the load baring cast members, the writing is sub-standard, it's completely inadaqute for my cinematic and entertainment needs, and it's direction is like a demilitarize zone".

[drush9999]

Originally Posted by dallywhitty

I've always liked the Jonathan Ross quote on the back of the Batman Forever UK VHS.

His brother Paul's glowing reviews in The Sun grace the VHS and DVD of every crap movie ever.

[AaronJ]

The great Pauline Kael's take on movies in general:

Movies are so rarely great art that if we cannot appreciate great trash we have very little reason to be interested in them.

God that makes me laugh every time I read it.

But as to a specific film, here's Anthony Lane on Revenge of the Sith:

“(Revenge of the Sith) marks a distinct improvement on the last two episodes, The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones … but only in the same way that dying from natural causes is preferable to crucifixion.”

[Martoto]

"An awesome, pumping powerhouse of a movie!" - Seen on UK posters for Reservoir Dogs, taken from London Evening Standard.

My fave review ever is for Paycheck (2003) in the Glasgow Herald.

Full review read exactly like this "Ben Affleck plays.... a genius computer engineer......... "