What's Your Biggest Conflict With The Opposite Sex?

[MWF6425]

I'll start off by revealing mine, no holds barred - it's constant mental and emotional games.

I won't go into extensive details, since there's so many varieties of them...but when a woman acts like I'm supposed to know her wants and doesn't tell me, then gets upset when I screw up...all I usually think is "What the hell, woman?!" To say I feel "infuriated" or "stressed out" by this doesn't even come close - my temper reaches "nuclear meltdown" in seconds, especially if this happens repeatedly in a short time frame. I would never raise an abusive hand toward any woman, but these types of situations get my blood boiling for sure. I mean, is it really so hard for people (especially women) to just say what they mean, and mean what they say?

So, just curious - what are your biggest peeves, and why?

[Hitman Horton]

Just curious about your situation here. By the way, I've been with the same woman since 1987 so I believe that I know what I'm talking about. When this happens and it frustrates you, do you talk to her about it? Do you work together to figure out a way to have it not happen again or do you just get mad? Communication is the most important thing in a relationship as far as I'm concerned and if you aren't talking, your relationship is doomed.

[fighthefutureofhd]

i don't have any. Well, not true. I have WAY too many. That's why I don't deal with women. Except for my family and that ONE friend, I avoid them like the plague. Spent 15 years with one and that was just about hell on earth. There was nothing to be done to work stuff out when things happened. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. When a woman gets something in her head, you may as well forget it. You've got about as much chance of safely getting a bull seeing red out of a china shop than getting a woman to change her mind.

[MWF6425]

Originally Posted by Hitman Horton

Just curious about your situation here. By the way, I've been with the same woman since 1987 so I believe that I know what I'm talking about. When this happens and it frustrates you, do you talk to her about it? Do you work together to figure out a way to have it not happen again or do you just get mad? Communication is the most important thing in a relationship as far as I'm concerned and if you aren't talking, your relationship is doomed.

I wasn't speaking of a personal relationship, just the general "battle of the sexes". It seems that most men are pretty straight-forward, and many women either dance around things or become outright manipulative. I can't stand either one.

[JDub1]

My ex who I dated for about three years constantly criticized me about anything and everything. I finally dumped her and it felt really good!

[Hitman Horton]

Originally Posted by fighthefutureofhd

i don't have any. Well, not true. I have WAY too many. That's why I don't deal with women. Except for my family and that ONE friend, I avoid them like the plague. Spent 15 years with one and that was just about hell on earth. There was nothing to be done to work stuff out when things happened. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. When a woman gets something in her head, you may as well forget it. You've got about as much chance of safely getting a bull seeing red out of a china shop than getting a woman to change her mind.

Your statement is untrue in my experience.

[fighthefutureofhd]

You got lucky, my friend. Very, very lucky. I've seen the things I talked about first hand.

[Hitman Horton]

Originally Posted by fighthefutureofhd

You got lucky, my friend. Very, very lucky. I've seen the things I talked about first hand.

It has nothing to do with luck. Relationships are a lot of work at times. People give up rather than putting in the work. They're looking for the "perfect" companion. That person doesn't exist.

[Driver78]

Relationships are, above all else, about compromise. Each person has to be 100% willing to give up personal space, certain freedoms and even friends if the relationship is to work. There's no "me" in a relationship. I agree that talking things out is important but some folks are just hellbent on standing their ground - that's not healthy at all and should be considered a warning sign - the first step towards separation. I've been alone most of my life because I've simply gotten too comfortable being on my own and have no idea if hooking up with someone would work for me. Still, I've been in the proximity of toxic relationships all my life so I can say I speak from "experience" and this is one experience I don't want or need in my life right now. I've got my health to think about

[Hitman Horton]

Originally Posted by Driver78

Relationships are, above all else, about compromise. Each person has to be 100% willing to give up personal space, certain freedoms and even friends if the relationship is to work. There's no "me" in a relationship. I agree that talking things out is important but some folks are just hellbent on standing their ground - that's not healthy at all and should be considered a warning sign - the first step towards separation. I've been alone most of my life because I've simply gotten too comfortable being on my own and have no idea if hooking up with someone would work for me. Still, I've been in the proximity of toxic relationships all my life so I can say I speak from "experience" and this is one experience I don't want or need in my life right now. I've got my health to think about

For somebody that's been alone, you sure know what you're talking about. Should you ever decide to try a relationship, you've got a good chance of making it work.

[fighthefutureofhd]

Originally Posted by Driver78

Relationships are, above all else, about compromise. Each person has to be 100% willing to give up personal space, certain freedoms and even friends if the relationship is to work. There's no "me" in a relationship. I agree that talking things out is important but some folks are just hellbent on standing their ground - that's not healthy at all and should be considered a warning sign - the first step towards separation. I've been alone most of my life because I've simply gotten too comfortable being on my own and have no idea if hooking up with someone would work for me. Still, I've been in the proximity of toxic relationships all my life so I can say I speak from "experience" and this is one experience I don't want or need in my life right now. I've got my health to think about

Yes. So very true. Relationships are all about that. As someone once told me, relationships are 90% give and 10% take. I find that to be very true. You have to be willing to give most of the time. As you said though, some people are hellbent to stand their ground. No matter what. And that will almost any relationship. You cannot have a relationship like that. Any relationship of any kind. It's not healthy and never usually works out in the end.

Originally Posted by Hitman Horton

It has nothing to do with luck. Relationships are a lot of work at times. People give up rather than putting in the work. They're looking for the "perfect" companion. That person doesn't exist.

Give up??? I get that some do, but that's not me. I spent 15 years dealing with absolute hell at times. When everyone around said that I need to end it, I would never. And I would even defend that person. My needs were never a thing. It was all about her. She would even involve my family in this whole mess. I was treated worse than crap in a toilet. Hell, cancer gets better treatment. Anyone else, and I do mean ANYONE else would have told her off long before I did. Including you. And I didn't even tell her off. We had another one of those usual one sided arguments where I was all in the wrong and she did nothing being the saint she is.

She called that night after the "blow up" and didn't call back for two months to the day. I was at work and couldn't take the call. Two phone calls in a row. No voicemail and no text messages. That's when I put two and two together. She was calling right around the anniversary of her son's passing.* She wasn't wanting to make amends.* I decided then and there to block her phone number. Only her phone number.

The first time I've ever done that to someone. It's been over a year and only two phone calls/voicemails. I only know about them because I happened to see them when checking my voicemails. No emails either. I have more patience than Job. But when i hit my wall, it's over and done son. I don't blame her entirely, as there are a lot of health issues going on. But that hasn't always been the case. And it's still no excuse for being rude, condescending, and hurtful.


*I have no problem with consoling someone in their time of need. However, it had been 15 years at this point since the passing of her only child. Plus, having not spoken for two months, it would be a VERY long phone call. Which I cannot do at work. Had she left a voicemail or texted things might've been different. But it was more of the same and I was done. It takes a lot to get me angry and pissed at someone. But when they do, that's all she wrote.

[Fors*]

Communication....real honest communication, is a must. Telling the opposite sex what you really think or feel, instead of what you think they want to hear is paramount. From there, a trust can be created and developed. You can talk and communicate all you want with women.....but if there is not the fundamental element of trust, sooner or later, the relationship will end regardless how well you communicate.

I will also add that age is important, but not the way you think. In my experience (I have had plenty.... I am about to get married for the 3rd time at 58 yrs old), but older women don't have time for "games" and basically want to cut to the chase about if you share the same expectations and wants. Younger women will definitely play more games.....they have time on their side.

So IMO, some of your frustration sounds like a younger man's problem.

[Hitman Horton]

fightthefutureofhd, the fact that you believe that you can tell how I, a complete stranger to you, would deal with a situation is the most ridiculous thing you've said. That's saying something because you've said a lot of ridiculous things in my opinion.

[fighthefutureofhd]

Ok.I can confidently say what I said though. It's the TRUTH. This woman even got to my mom. And she's got more patience than anyone I know aside from me. If I even told you half the things that went on you'd agree. Let's shall we:

1. Wasn't there for me when my grandmother on my dad's side passed away. Just made it all about her. I ended up having to console her.
2. Wasn't there for me when my mother died. All she cared about was a stupid trip coming up that we were going on.
3. Accused me of stealing and hocking the stuff at a pawn shop.
4. Left my mom's vistiation after being there only 15 minutes. No one was talking to her and got upset. At least that's my thinking.
5. Made me leave the reception/service at my oldest sister's house the day of my mother's funeral. The event was after my mother's funeral.
6. Never even bothered to attend my dad's funeral/celebration of life ceremony. She said she didn't want to be around all those "hoity toity" rich snobs.

That's a handful of the many things that went on. I really do not bear any ill will or anything. As I know she struggles with so much. I'm just speaking my truth and what I experienced/went through.

[Hitman Horton]

Originally Posted by fighthefutureofhd

Ok.I can confidently say what I said though. It's the TRUTH. This woman even got to my mom. And she's got more patience than anyone I know aside from me. If I even told you half the things that went on you'd agree. Let's shall we:

1. Wasn't there for me when my grandmother on my dad's side passed away. Just made it all about her. I ended up having to console her.
2. Wasn't there for me when my mother died. All she cared about was a stupid trip coming up that we were going on.
3. Accused me of stealing and hocking the stuff at a pawn shop.
4. Left my mom's vistiation after being there only 15 minutes. No one was talking to her and got upset. At least that's my thinking.
5. Made me leave the reception/service at my oldest sister's house the day of my mother's funeral. The event was after my mother's funeral.
6. Never even bothered to attend my dad's funeral/celebration of life ceremony. She said she didn't want to be around all those "hoity toity" rich snobs.

That's a handful of the many things that went on. I really do not bear any ill will or anything. As I know she struggles with so much. I'm just speaking my truth and what I experienced/went through.

Again, you can't speak for me. THE END. I'm not commenting on your "examples" because her side of the story is not represented. Then there's the other thing that I won't mention. You'll hear no more from me on this.

[Monterey Jack]

Not being able to talk to them.

[Hitman Horton]

Originally Posted by Monterey Jack

Not being able to talk to them.

What have you done to change that?

[fighthefutureofhd]

Originally Posted by Hitman Horton

Again, you can't speak for me. THE END. I'm not commenting on your "examples" because her side of the story is not represented. Then there's the other thing that I won't mention. You'll hear no more from me on this.

Ok. But there is no "her side to the story" with much of those examples. You are either there for a person when a loved one dies or you are not. You DON'T make it about yourself. That's what she did. There is no excuse for that. Nor is there a her side to that kind of behavior. I know she has a lot of struggles, which I believed I mentioned. That doesn't excuse 15 years of abuse.

[sfmarine]

[Cremildo]

The conflict is: they're talkative, I'm not.

It's that simple.