Parents: How do/did you get your toddlers to stay in bed at night?

[Deadset]

Originally Posted by DarkDune

Take something away from them they care more about than going to bed and then let them know they can have it if they stay in bed.

I was just going to mention that. Great idea, they'll loose a toy for a few days if it happens.

[DarkDune]

Originally Posted by Deads3t

I was just going to mention that. Great idea, they'll loose a toy for a few days if it happens.

Yep...

For example, my 4-year-old LOVES legos (mine from 29 years ago). It is a good one to deny him. Also, he has really learned that if what he built busts into a million pieces, he can just build a new one. I am glad he learned that cause it saves him the frustration and disappointment of losing something he worked hard to make. Now he is confident enough to make it again (hopefully if we got it right -- tomorrow after he sleeps!), and perhaps bigger and better.

Kids need to go to bed, but they also need to feel good about themselves doing it IMHO. Your task is to give them no choice, but not to destroy them in the process ...

Ain't meant to be easy, but see what I mean?

[Riff Magnum]

Originally Posted by O_V_N

While that seems like a good idea in a perfect world, that does not work for us. We have another baby in the house, and the 3-year old's crying and screaming while we try to walk her back to her room inevitably wakes up the baby. Which leads to more issues.

How is locking a door child abuse?



We've tried 3 different kinds, and my 3-year old has managed to disassemble all of them within minutes. LOL. Hope yours work better.

I don't think locking a child's door is child abuse, but it is a little harsh, especially if you're doing it at night while you're asleep. Like others have said, what if your child has to go to the bathroom, or what if something is actually wrong with them or they've somehow hurt themselves or the like.
I wish i had a good answer to this problem, because inevitably one of our kids will climb into bed with us at some point in the night. We have a king size bed now, so it's definitely more comfortable and bearable than it used to be, but it's not really getting at the heart of the issue either.
I wear my kids out on a daily basis as well, so i know it's not a matter of exercise or them being tired and it's also rough on a parent who has to constantly put them back in bed, resulting in grumpy Riff or mad Mrs. Magnum the next day.

[Fors*]

I have always felt that a strong structured routine works best, but this takes time. My wife and I strongly followed the same routine once I get home from work. We tried to have her eat at the same time, and then give her enough time to rest afterwards and then brush the teeth and read a book or 2. This took a while, as she still gets up about once a week, but she is usually back in for good in 5 minutes.

[quexos]

The only absolute way to be sure you'll have your full nights of good sleep: have no kids, ever !

[Purplegrasshopper]

Originally Posted by Another_Dude

That is the kid being in charge.

The parent asked her not to do something. Now for the rest of the night she can disobey for as long as she feels like, putting the parents on her schedule, with no repercussion. What, exactly, is the child learning from this method?

How about, "Mom and Dad said not to do this. I can still do it if I want, for as long as I want, and they aren't going to do anything about it other than restarting the process."

I'll pass on that.

If the kid was in charge, the parent wouldn't correct the behavior by putting the child back in her bed. Sooner or later, the child will get tired and will learn that no matter what she does, no matter how many times she does it, she'll get put back in the bed. And at that point of realization, she won't come out of the bed anymore because she has learned that it is futile to do so; her parents will put her right back in. Parenting is about consistency and will power. The child in question is testing her parents, nothing more.

But of course, you could always utilize your method and instill into the child fear of being physically hurt. I'm sure that will work, and at the same time will be teaching valuable lessons to the child. A win-win for everyone.

[Blu-Dog]

Originally Posted by O_V_N

Have a 3 year old who's been in a "big girl" bed for nearly a year. Within the last 2 months, however, as soon as we put her down at night, she immediately gets up and comes out of her room.

Then we put her back, and she does it again. And again. And again. For hours. There's lots of hugging, kidding, crying, yelling, shaking of heads, "potty!" breaks, etc.

For those of you that have encountered this, how'd you get through it? What worked for you?

Yes, this forum is now my personal Parents Magazine forum.

Read them stories. Read them slowly, share the pictures. Knocks 'em right out. Get lots of new books.

And keep the sugar levels down after 5PM, no sweet desserts - gives them a sugar rush, and makes for nighttime potty breaks you don't need. Fruit is OK.

Never, ever lock them in. It's just not necessary. They're real people, not "problems".

[Marcusarilius]

Beer.

[TKNice]

I have a 7 and 5 year old and we've been through this twice. I think you have really only two options here: (not counting locking the door...hey! to each his own)

Option 1: Get them a "big boy/girl" bed. If you make a big deal out of their room with a princess bed or some kind of nice bed they like, there's a chance that will work. We did a day bed that was all princessed up for our daughter which finally worked.

Option 2: Be stern with them and make sure they understand this is how it's going to be, no exceptions. If you've been allowing it then you have to offer a reason why it's changing and stick to it. They will eventually get the message, even if it takes a number of times.

wait, I think there's a third option...

Let them stay in your room until they grow out of it. They probably will sooner than later, especially to get a big boy's bed.

Tom

[jadedeath]

taser on low setting.

Logan

[My_Two_Cents]

Originally Posted by Another_Dude

There is no way my parents would have walked me back to bed more than twice, and I understood that pushing their limits make my backside sore.

That's the problem with kids these days. The majority of them are being raised by wuss-parenting that teaches them they can do/say/get anything they want because there are no (or very minor) consequences. I'm not advocating child abuse, but a swat on the butt once and a while will go a long way once the 'taking away toys/privileges' stops working (and it sometimes will).

[DigitalfreakNYC]

Here's something that will make you feel better:

I didn't sleep through the night until I was 4.

My parents remind me of that fact often enough.

Sweet dreams!

[Blu-Dog]

Originally Posted by Ricshoe

That's the problem with kids these days. The majority of them are being raised by wuss-parenting that teaches them they can do/say/get anything they want because there are no (or very minor) consequences. I'm not advocating child abuse, but a swat on the butt once and a while will go a long way once the 'taking away toys/privileges' stops working (and it sometimes will).

Hmm.

First thing you have to do is find out why they aren't listening. Maybe the parents aren't saying anything that makes sense.

Or, you get the kind of parents that absolutely have to vote for American Idol and will slap the kid to keep him or her in bed.

Anyway, I indulged my children, and sacrificed my time. But they're Eagle and Police Explorer Scouts, West Point grads, and are both currently captains in this man's Army.

I spent many nights in their rooms, until they fell asleep, just sitting in a chair and waiting. Works like a charm.

[Blu_Ray_UK2007]

Currently we're trying to get our Son (18 months) out of our bed.

He's fine in his own bed if he has a day time nap.. but straight up refuses at night!

[Sylin]

Just to clarify (and thanks for everyone who chipped in positive comments) we didn't "lock them in all night". We locked the door. She'd knock on the door and cry and beg to be let out. As a parent, it hurts to experience that, but a positive end-result is what we were after. Eventually she fell asleep. We'd unlock the door, put her in bed, and leave the door open in case she did wake up during the middle of the night and needed the potty, etc.

It took all of 2 weeks for this method to teach her that once the door was closed, she was meant to go to bed. Thus, the door-locking stopped.

There is nothing immoral or abusive about this method. It is synonymous with using the previously-mentioned plastic doorknob grips (which we couldn't use because we have egg-shaped knobs), or using a baby gate/pet gate in the door jamb. If you go ask 10 pediatricians how to manage a child who wanders at night, 9 of them will tell you to passively confine them to their room.

@Purplegrasshopper - I don't know what books on child psychology or parenting you've been reading, but I think someone is misleading you because yours is not the popular (or even practical) opinion. It's obvious you're young, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Realize that for every activity under the sun there are going to be supporters and detractors. If I say the Earth is round, there's a thousand "experts" who will write books claiming it's not, despite proof to the contrary. Good for them. It doesn't make them right, and it doesn't make me wrong, either.

Years ago there was a child psychologist who was famous around the world for his amazing books on parenting. One of his biggest "rules" was that spanking your children was a terrible idea, that it would only instill fear in children, and produce a generation of bullies. Millions of parents subscribed to his theories and ceased physical discipline.

Some time later, when these kids were grown, this doctor of child psychology publicly renounced his former advice, as case studies had shown that the majority of children who grow up with no fear of physical discipline actually grow up to be WORSE than those who did.

Whether you spank your kids is up to you. But there is a HUGE difference between "spanking" and "abusing". Just like there is a HUGE difference between the advice dispensed by someone who has read a few books on parenting, and someone who actually IS a parent.

[Purplegrasshopper]

You have no idea how old I am, have no idea how many books I've read, and have no idea how many kids I have. Please don't assume.

You want to drug your kids, lock them in their room while they cry in fear, and physically hurt them by your hand, that is your choice.

You do what you think is best for your children, and I'll do what I think is best for my children. Thanks.

[klac]

Had the same problem with my son when he was that age. We ended up taking two of those spring loaded gates, the kind you put in front of the stairs, and stacked them so he couldn't crawl over. That kept him in his room but he'd still sit by the door and scream. We let him scream for about 15 mins then would put him back in bed, rinse repeat every night until he's out of the habbit.

[fiveseven4combat]

My 2 and 3 year olds fall asleep to a cartoon every night.

My 4 month old however... is the one I have trouble with.

[Sylin]

Originally Posted by Beta Man

Our issue, is the fact that his, and our bedrooms are on the 2nd floor, and the stairs are about 5' wide, so we need to find a gate that will fit it.... but still be easy to open/close ......

We had a similar issue. The landing at the top of our stairs has a very wide doorway. Standard baby gates, even the metal ones with add-on rails, did not offer the kind of support that instilled confidence.

I ended up having to do some minor millwork and add some reinforcing braces to the door frame. Painted it to match the walls. Worked like a charm, and once they were old enough we just removed it.