Did your parents get divorced?

[Chordata]

Don't know why but I've been thinking a lot about this lately. Not that I'm interested in getting a divorce myself.

I know a lot of people whose parents were divorced. Some say it was the best thing ever, some say it was the worst thing ever.

I feel "lucky" that my parents stayed married, but some people wish their parents would have gotten a divorce.

Where do you stand?

P.S. This is anonymous polling if you don't wish to expound below.

EDIT: This is not supposed to exclude children of unmarried parents. The same questions and answers apply, whether or not there was a legal marriage or divorce.

[Psychonaut]

Still together and it's all good.

[bandit29]

Nope my parents are still married..over 40 yrs. My wife's parents too..longer than mine..but we are in the minority. Most of our friends parents have all divorced..

On a side note most of the people we know have been divorced a few times. Including my sister and my uncle. My wife and I are one of the few our age (mid 30's) they haven't divorced. We've been married seven years now.

[MaCruz]

My parents remained Married, and I'm glad they did.

My parents would barely argue among each other, but then again they would not tell me or my brother and sisters about any issues with other family members.

Other than that, I never had a thought if they ever decide to split. I don't think that will ever happen in a million years.

[P@t_Mtl]

My parents been together for 45 years now, heck of a long time

[SDon1969]

Mine divorced, but the fact that it happened after all us kids (my brother, sister and myself) were grown and out of the house made it a lot easier to take).

[HuskerGuy]

Divorced while I was really young - as in I don't even remember it. Didn't vote though as I can't say I wish they'd have stayed married because I don't know how happy each of them would be today.

[Blu-Benny]

my parent's are still married.....27 years.

me & my wife will hit our 5 year mark on 4/16 this year.

[Chordata]

Originally Posted by HuskerGuy

Divorced while I was really young - as in I don't even remember it. Didn't vote though as I can't say I wish they'd have stayed married because I don't know how happy each of them would be today.

Fair enough. What was it like for you to grow up your whole life with your parents divorced? Probably just seemed normal to you I imagine.

Did either of your parents re-marry?

[HuskerGuy]

Originally Posted by O_V_N

Fair enough. What was it like for you to grow up your whole life with your parents divorced? Probably just seemed normal to you I imagine.

Did either of your parents re-marry?

Even as a youngin you know its not normal only seeing one of your parents on the weekend (for the most part). You get accustomed to it though, I suppose. The worst part was when one of them moved out of state and I had to choose whether or not to go with my mom or stay with my dad. Each are remarried and have been with their current spouses for at least 20 years.

[master_8ball]

I had to vote Other and I will explain...

My parents separated when I was 16, I was forced into the situation of having to tell my mom that I thought my dad was cheating on her. They had been married for about 15 years at the time, he also is not my biological father but did adopt me when he married my mom and was always considered my dad.

It took about 7 years for the actual divorce to finalize, it was a very bitter break up, my dad didn't seem to have much trouble moving on with his life but made things increasingly difficult for my mom to move on. She is still stuck in a rut. He is now remarried and has a new daughter about a year old, he is getting close to 50 and has already had 2 heart attacks. I don't speak with him any more.

I cant say that I wish they would have stayed together, and really don't think anyone can make that call, because you don't know what would have happened had that event never taken place or if they had reconciled.

What I can say is that I wish they could have been happier with each other that this would have never happened and they could have continued with a happy life together. I feel I dealt with the situation well, I learned may things from it, and became a better person. I feel for my younger sisters though who dealt with things differently than I.

[Chordata]

Originally Posted by master_8ball

My parents separated when I was 16, I was forced into the situation of having to tell my mom that I thought my dad was cheating on her. They had been married for about 15 years at the time, he also is not my biological father but did adopt me when he married my mom and was always considered my dad.

I feel you there. I discovered that my dad was having an affair when I was about 22 and living at home before I went to law school. I confronted him, and made him tell my mom.

Since I was getting married soon, my mom decided to stay with him. That was nearly 10 years ago, and I know that not a day goes by that she doesn't think about the affair.

I'm glad they stayed together, but I feel a little guilty that she might have stayed married for the sake of me and my brother.

As a parent now, I cannot imagine divorcing and having my children ripped away from me. I would do anything possible to stay married, unless the home life is making life miserable for my kids. Fortunately my marriage is good but, you know, things happen.

[master_8ball]

Originally Posted by O_V_N

As a parent now, I cannot imagine divorcing and having my children ripped away from me. I would do anything possible to stay married, unless the home life is making life miserable for my kids. Fortunately my marriage is good but, you know, things happen.

I think and hope that most from our generation, that have experienced divorce within their family, will learn a great deal from it. I could not even imagine putting my wife or future kids through that kind of pain.

Thanks for sharing your story as well, and its a good thread. There are a lot of younger members here that I am sure can take things away from this kind of discussion.

[Uniquely]

My birth parents divorced when I was a baby. I never saw my father again. He was court ordered to pay child support and never once did. My mother remarried when I was a toddler, and was married to the man I consider my father until I was about twelve. He was a good dad, but he was not a faithful man; so I can't say I wish they'd stayed together. My mother was then single until I was an adult and on my own. She remarried when I was about 21 and has been married to him for about 20 years now.

It was a difficult childhood. My mother was not college educated and had to raise three children while only receiving financial support for my younger half sister. I had to take a lot of responsibility for my sister who was ten years younger because there was no way my mother could afford child care while she worked nights. But I also learned a lot too. I didn't have many of the extras that friends had, but we never went without necessities because my mother was very strong and did what she had to do to provide. I feel that the experiences I had growing up made me a much better person today, so I can't really say I'd trade them. It was what it was.

I will say that I can not understand people like my birth father. How can a man have two children and then forget they exist? It wasn't so bad for me. It's hard to miss someone you never knew, and for me my Dad is my father. But my older sister was five at the time, and I know she still has memories of him today. She managed to locate him when she had her first child and called him to tell him he was a grandfather. He was very curt and did not inquire at all about how he might contact her in the future.

[Chordata]

Originally Posted by robinandtami

I will say that I can not understand people like my birth father. How can a man have two children and then forget they exist? It wasn't so bad for me. It's hard to miss someone you never knew, and for me my Dad is my father. But my older sister was five at the time, and I know she still has memories of him today. She managed to locate him when she had her first child and called him to tell him he was a grandfather. He was very curt and did not inquire at all about how he might contact her in the future.

After having had two children, I cannot imagine it. I don't even like going away to work, or out of town for a period of days (let alone weeks).

They're my life, and I'd be a wreck without them.

I am sorry you had to experience what I consider to be a big fear of mine: my children without me.

It seems like you have a good head on your shoulders. Your mother did a good job.

[Chordata]

By the way, this thread is not meant to exclude members whose parents weren't technically "married." Certainly many parents are parents without being married, but the notion of leaving or staying together still applies, so I hope you feel free to respond.

[mikejet]

It's weird because I have heard the opposite stories, two of the men in my family have found women, fallen in love, had children, then the women ran away with the kids never to be found again. Both have tried to track them down but one is in Canada somewhere and the other in the Philippines.

[radagast]

My father's first wife died when she was 24 of a heart attack. He was left with 3 children. He was born in 1898. That's right. No typo. My mother was 20 years younger than him. Her first husband went to Europe in WWII and didn't come back. He didn't come back because he hooked up with another woman over there. She had one son by him. Four years after my parents married, I was born. My dad's kids (my half-brothers and sisters) had already grown up and started their own families. So I was born an uncle. My oldest nephew was married and had a son on my 7th birthday, so I was a great-uncle at 7. My parents remained married until my father passed on in 1979, just after his 81st birthday. My mom is 91 and still alive, thank God. Her mind is clear but she has problems walking. Her doctor told her that her blood tests come out better than my brother's do. Only one of my half-sisters from my dad's side is still alive. She is a few years younger than my mom.

[silversnake]

mine divorced when i was a teenager. It was pretty brutal and it's still bad now. They still can't stay in the same room together, let alone talk to eachother on the phone. Mostly thru emails.

[Chordata]

Originally Posted by radagast

My father's first wife died when she was 24 of a heart attack. He was left with 3 children. He was born in 1898. That's right. No typo. My mother was 20 years younger than him. Her first husband went to Europe in WWII and didn't come back. He didn't come back because he hooked up with another woman over there. She had one son by him. Four years after my parents married, I was born. My dad's kids (my half-brothers and sisters) had already grown up and started their own families. So I was born an uncle. My oldest nephew was married and had a son on my 7th birthday, so I was a great-uncle at 7. My parents remained married until my father passed on in 1979, just after his 81st birthday. My mom is 91 and still alive, thank God. Her mind is clear but she has problems walking. Her doctor told her that her blood tests come out better than my brother's do. Only one of my half-sisters from my dad's side is still alive. She is a few years younger than my mom.

Your dad was born in 1898??? That is incredible! Where was he born? Where did he come from?

Let's turn this into a mixed "divorce + genealogy" thread! lol