Check out my short film - Blu-ray Forum

masoud90 · 03-21-2009, 11:04 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AoUBIyBkCM
Let me know what you guys think!

jw · 03-21-2009, 11:15 PM

i take it you are obsessed with Brittany?......

masoud90 · 03-21-2009, 11:35 PM

Yep =) since I was 8 years old!
What do u think of the film?

jadedeath · 03-22-2009, 12:58 AM

It's.... interesting.

Didn't quite know what you were getting at, at the beginning of the film.

A couple suggestions:

Axe the yelling on the phone, it's not like you can make out what they're saying anyway. Just a quiet conversation track would work better IMO.

Axe the Brittney, the song doesn't have anything to do with what the message of the film is. It's filler that distracts from the film itself.

I'd {personally} mix the two a little differently, starting off on the guys in the dessert then back to the guys eating, then back into the dessert and then back again is just too much work for the viewer.

I'd start it off with the two guys eating the food, maybe get one of them to buy the other one lunch, the grossed out guy looks over the food and tries to explain to the guy that's in it up to his elbows that they probably hire a bunch of hillbillies to go out into the dessert and kill random animals and that's how they get the meat for whatever it is that they're eating {during the conversation have the images of the hillbillies in the dessert as part of the voice over visuals} then, at the end after the munch monster convinces the squeamish guy to eat, then have the hillbillies show up with the 'meat'

Just as a minor point, I'd suggest having hillbilly number 2 counting some cash after walking out of the restaurant.

Hope I didn't overwhelm you, but that's just what I would suggest.

Logan

masoud90 · 03-22-2009, 05:16 AM

Thank you for your suggestion...I am not done with the edit fully yet as I have to add room tone to the music to make it seem more as the background of the store...

Also, the criteria for the assignment was two minute film in only 2 locations (one desert)...with the line "Si...I mean No' incorporated and one other line of dialogue (in this case, "son of a bi*_h").

So I can't even add someone telling the delivery guys to get there early and have to use someone yelling as a way to get them going.

I hope that made sense and I REALLY appreciate your time and help!

assydingo · 03-22-2009, 06:52 AM

Britney is cool but it confuses the scene.

Otherwise, strangely compelling.

cruisyeyes · 03-22-2009, 03:06 PM

It was actually good for a first film. I live in Arizona too, and you picked a nice desert spot, where ever it was. Oh, and cool fake moustaches.

masoud90 · 03-22-2009, 08:59 PM

Hahha yeah...it's actually my 3rd film...but first film with professional equipment and such for upper level classes =)...I'm sure by the time I get my degree, looking back this will look silly haha

Purplegrasshopper · 03-22-2009, 09:04 PM

I didn't get the film at all...what was the whole point and what was it supposed to be about?

jadedeath · 03-22-2009, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Purplegrasshopper

I didn't get the film at all...what was the whole point and what was it supposed to be about?

That the one guy at the restaurant was disgusted by or unsure of what meat is used in the food they were eating.

And the showing of where the meat actually CAME from.

Logan

Marine Mike · 03-22-2009, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Purplegrasshopper

I didn't get the film at all...what was the whole point and what was it supposed to be about?

When I first read your comment I thought that you were just being mean and unfair.

However after watching the film and then re-reading your comment I agree.

I didn't understand what the film was suppose to be about or what the purpose was.

All I gathered was that the two mexicans were doing some dirty work and went to get chinese food and when he dumped the bag they got exposed.

If that was the point then I didn't understand what exactly thats suppose to signify.

Marine Mike · 03-22-2009, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jadedeath

That the one guy at the restaurant was disgusted by or unsure of what meat is used in the food they were eating.

And the showing of where the meat actually CAME from.

Logan

Are you sure it was the meat as he was staring at the guy putting 'noodles' in his mouth? I'd get that if they showed meat hanging from the guy's mouth.

Also, the guy didn't bring the bag of meat into the store so how are we suppose to gather that? Maybe if he showed the guy putting the meat back into the bag and then delivering it into the resturant I'd gather that.

EDIT: To me I just saw that guy puking because he just saw some nasty stuff come out of that bag as he was eating, not that he made the connection.

masoud90 · 03-23-2009, 01:40 AM

The delivery man delivers two ready boxes to the store, but leaves the unready meat in the sack...when the sack gets exposed, the two men eating start to vomit...I am sorry if this is confusing haha. Thank you guys so much for your time though!

ZackL · 03-23-2009, 02:32 AM

I want my two minutes back, lol.

Marine Mike · 03-23-2009, 02:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by masoud90

The delivery man delivers two ready boxes to the store, but leaves the unready meat in the sack...when the sack gets exposed, the two men eating start to vomit...I am sorry if this is confusing haha. Thank you guys so much for your time though!

Well the problem is that its unclear that they are delivery men and not people just happening to go to the same restuarant as those two guys. I recommend try making the connection a tid bit more clearer. I find it a bit of a stretch to expect people to make the connection.

masoud90 · 03-23-2009, 03:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZackL

I want my two minutes back, lol.

I'm sure you were'nt doing anything better in those two minutes anyway.

masoud90 · 03-23-2009, 03:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marine Mike

Well the problem is that its unclear that they are delivery men and not people just happening to go to the same restuarant as those two guys. I recommend try making the connection a tid bit more clearer. I find it a bit of a stretch to expect people to make the connection.

Yeah I think the only way to fix that is to change to subtitles for the film because that is the only thing I can do so far =) already moving in production for the next film.

jw · 03-23-2009, 03:37 AM

do away with Brittany music, ruined the overall feel and point . Distracting

masoud90 · 03-23-2009, 03:49 AM

I will manage the music level more, but Britney Spears is always represented in my films in one way or another...but I get what you mean though and I still have to finish editing the sound tones.

Sussudio · 03-23-2009, 03:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by masoud90

I will manage the music level more, but Britney Spears is always represented in my films in one way or another...but I get what you mean though and I still have to finish editing the sound tones.

if you have a "trademark" (or whatever you want to call it...theme, element, etc) you like to include in your films that's cool, but like everyone has said just to throw her music in there when it doesn't necessarily fit and is instead detracting will not help strengthen it in any way

besides that, unique story and workable editing, not too shabby

03-21-2009, 11:04 PM	#1
masoud90 Power Member Member since:Oct 2008 Location:Seattle, WA Blu-ray collection:180 Trading Score:3	Check out my short film http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AoUBIyBkCM Let me know what you guys think!

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03-21-2009, 11:15 PM	#2
jw Blu-ray Archduke Top contributor Member since:Apr 2007 Location:USA Trading Score:519	i take it you are obsessed with Brittany?......

03-21-2009, 11:35 PM	#3
masoud90 Power Member Member since:Oct 2008 Location:Seattle, WA Blu-ray collection:180 Trading Score:3	Yep =) since I was 8 years old! What do u think of the film?

03-22-2009, 12:58 AM	#4
jadedeath Blu-ray Knight Member since:Jun 2007	It's.... interesting. Didn't quite know what you were getting at, at the beginning of the film. A couple suggestions: Axe the yelling on the phone, it's not like you can make out what they're saying anyway. Just a quiet conversation track would work better IMO. Axe the Brittney, the song doesn't have anything to do with what the message of the film is. It's filler that distracts from the film itself. I'd {personally} mix the two a little differently, starting off on the guys in the dessert then back to the guys eating, then back into the dessert and then back again is just too much work for the viewer. I'd start it off with the two guys eating the food, maybe get one of them to buy the other one lunch, the grossed out guy looks over the food and tries to explain to the guy that's in it up to his elbows that they probably hire a bunch of hillbillies to go out into the dessert and kill random animals and that's how they get the meat for whatever it is that they're eating {during the conversation have the images of the hillbillies in the dessert as part of the voice over visuals} then, at the end after the munch monster convinces the squeamish guy to eat, then have the hillbillies show up with the 'meat' Just as a minor point, I'd suggest having hillbilly number 2 counting some cash after walking out of the restaurant. Hope I didn't overwhelm you, but that's just what I would suggest. Logan

03-22-2009, 05:16 AM	#5
masoud90 Power Member Member since:Oct 2008 Location:Seattle, WA Blu-ray collection:180 Trading Score:3	Thank you for your suggestion...I am not done with the edit fully yet as I have to add room tone to the music to make it seem more as the background of the store... Also, the criteria for the assignment was two minute film in only 2 locations (one desert)...with the line "Si...I mean No' incorporated and one other line of dialogue (in this case, "son of a bi*_h"). So I can't even add someone telling the delivery guys to get there early and have to use someone yelling as a way to get them going. I hope that made sense and I REALLY appreciate your time and help!

03-22-2009, 06:52 AM	#6
assydingo Blu-ray Ninja Member since:Oct 2008 Blu-ray collection:483 DVD collection:12 Trading Score:3	Britney is cool but it confuses the scene. Otherwise, strangely compelling.

03-22-2009, 03:06 PM	#7
cruisyeyes Banned Member since:Sep 2008 Location:Arizona	It was actually good for a first film. I live in Arizona too, and you picked a nice desert spot, where ever it was. Oh, and cool fake moustaches.

03-22-2009, 08:59 PM	#8
masoud90 Power Member Member since:Oct 2008 Location:Seattle, WA Blu-ray collection:180 Trading Score:3	Hahha yeah...it's actually my 3rd film...but first film with professional equipment and such for upper level classes =)...I'm sure by the time I get my degree, looking back this will look silly haha

03-22-2009, 09:04 PM	#9
Purplegrasshopper Expert Member Member since:Nov 2008 Location:Las Vegas, NV Blu-ray collection:13	I didn't get the film at all...what was the whole point and what was it supposed to be about?

03-23-2009, 01:40 AM	#13
masoud90 Power Member Member since:Oct 2008 Location:Seattle, WA Blu-ray collection:180 Trading Score:3	The delivery man delivers two ready boxes to the store, but leaves the unready meat in the sack...when the sack gets exposed, the two men eating start to vomit...I am sorry if this is confusing haha. Thank you guys so much for your time though!

03-23-2009, 02:32 AM	#14
ZackL Senior Member Member since:Mar 2008 Location:Ontario, Canada	I want my two minutes back, lol.

03-23-2009, 03:37 AM	#18
jw Blu-ray Archduke Top contributor Member since:Apr 2007 Location:USA Trading Score:519	do away with Brittany music, ruined the overall feel and point . Distracting

03-23-2009, 03:49 AM	#19
masoud90 Power Member Member since:Oct 2008 Location:Seattle, WA Blu-ray collection:180 Trading Score:3	I will manage the music level more, but Britney Spears is always represented in my films in one way or another...but I get what you mean though and I still have to finish editing the sound tones.

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