Am I a bad person?

[Owen Lol]

It's 7:32pm and I'm in my room that I unfortunately am forced to share with my brother. I have mad as hell parents downstairs, and a bad ****ing headache.

I must warn you that I am a freshman in Highschool and my story may contain somethings that some of you may not want to read.

I have never been good at getting good grades. I never was. At times I take things "seriously" but deep down I know that it won't last. My parents yell at me on a regularly basis about getting **** grades and getting into deep ****. I've gotten into a lot of trouble over the past few years. Normally with my friends. Who I question are even my friends anymore..

Real trouble began to happen of September of 2009. At the end of the month I started smoking.. I hated when I first did it in September, but last December I was offered to do it again.. And I took it. I really liked it then. And ever since that I've spent about half my saved money to buy more. And once I got it.. I would sell it to friends, steal more, or just smoke it. I've started having a lot of people over on the weekends and we just hang out, watch movies. Smoke the hookah, and then hit up some other stuff.. I enjoy it so much when I do it.. But I feel like it's made my mediocre school skills even worse.. All of my friends smoke. Some have smoked for a long time.. And some have just gotten into it this year.. Like me.
Well I know now that my parents know I do it. And my teacher in school constantly emails my mom whenever I **** something up. And she always just talks to me in a hollow, tired tone. I just say the same thing every time. "It's not your problem it's mine, so don't worry about it". And she just threatens me.
Today, (Friday), I walked downstairs after I just smoked a lot. This was all just a few hours ago. And I say hi to my mom in the kitchen. She doesn't look away from what she's doing and she quietly says Hi. Then she looks up from what she was doing and just explains that we're going to have a meeting with all of my teachers about my "poor grades". I just walked away from her with no answer. I wake up every morning with a desire to smoke. And go to sleep with the same feeling.
I have 2 brothers, 1 older and 1 younger, and 1 older sister. My older brother smokes with me all the time. The younger one is only 8 years old so he doesn't know. I would never get him into it. And my sister has smoked a few times before, but she is mainly a massive prude that never wants to try something new. But I still feel like I'm one of a kind in my family. My older brother never does anything with friends and we fight at least 6 times a week. As I mentioned before, I have to share a room with him.

Here is the link to my thread about sharing a room: https://forum.blu-ray.com/general-ch...ious-help.html

My younger brother is probably the sibling I get along with best. But we're so different. I used to play sports all the time. But now I don't play any sports, I'm not in any clubs, and I still can't handle school. He on the other hand does what he has to in school just fine. He's starting to play the drums soon, so he's gonna be even more of the perfect child now. You may ask yourself, "How hard is it for an 8 year old in elementary school?" Well he has NO trouble. He does what he has to, and does it correctly.
My older sister now. She is always in a bad mood. For as long as I can remember she has been an evil person. Every time I say "I feel bad for her" I go to try and talk to her. And walk away a minute later clenching my teeth and make a fist. She's a massive prude and had 0 friends. I'm not just saying that she has no friends. I actually hear her crying and talking to my mom on a regular basis about how she has no friends. She hangs out and talks to girls in my grade all the time. And then I have to put up with their **** when my sister gets in a fight with them and ****s it up.

Now some more info about me. I have never had a girlfriend, I'm not athletic, I'm a very lonely person, and I am a very slow person at academics. I do hang out with friends every weekend though. I normally am not here at all Friday-Sunday night. I'm the only one in my family that actually goes out and does things with friends.

Just recently I've had a lot on my mind. Smoking, school, friends. I've actually considered killing myself. I feel like I'm just a lowlife on a road, going nowhere fast. I always pull through it though. Something good happens then I get back on track. Then I **** up and it's all a trainwreck from there. I think my parents hate me. And want me out. But I don't know what to do anymore. Because I listen to Jeezy loud, and my parents prefer the Beatles. I'm a rebel to the house. I'm an "outsider". I have no real intrests other than playing the piano, music, and movies. I don't care at all about anything else. I hate my life, I hate who I am, and what I've made myself into.