The hardest thing to go through....

[Uniquely]

Is when a loved one is in agonizing pain and there's nothing that can be done about it.

My mother in law had a severe stroke in the brain stem at the rediculously young age of 52. It was the sort of thing that would have killed 99% of people, but because she was so young and so fit... she survived. She was left with no movement on her right side, and very little on her left. Her mental status is completely intact, but she is only able to speak a few words. Her swallow function was severely damaged, and she should be on a feeding tube, but she refuses it.... so even daily nurishment can be a life threatening event.

For the past couple of weeks she has been having severe muscle cramping all up and down her right side. Take that muscle cramp that you get from running without stretching, or stretching too hard when you first wake up.... then have it occuring in several muscles at the same time.... and reoccuring in wave after wave for hours at a time.

The doctors, nurses and us (the physical therapy dept at the nursing home she resides in) have tried everything we know, every drug and pain relief technique we know..... nothing's helping.

It's so hard to see her go through this. She lost everything two years ago with the stroke... her whole life really.... but she still always manages a smile and a laugh.... and now to see her going through this too is almost unbearable. I'm so pained for her and my wife both.

[Blu-Ron]

Sorry to hear. Not easy to watch a loved one suffer like that.

[jaymzbo]

I, too, am sorry to hear about this. Please know my thoughts and best wishes are with all three of you

[katharsis]

I am really sorry to hear about that!
This is one of those things that are just unimaginable and you never wish anyone to go through.

I am sure they tried all kinds of muscle relaxers already.
Is she still not able to use the one side of her body since the stroke, or were they able to get some function back through therapy? If she does not have the ability to move the side at all, maybe disrupting the nerves/muscles on that side would help? I know this is a larger surgery, but if she is constantly in pain and there are no alternatives left, it might be worth a shot.

I honestly hope they will find something to get her more comfortable!

[Marquoz]

At least she has somebody there to help take care of her! I was reading about the 93 year old man that froze to death in his house because his power was shut off, but had the money sitting on the table to pay it. No matter what happens, you two should be very proud that you were there for her through all of this.

I am very sorry to hear all of this is happening to her, and I hope that the doctors can find a way to ease her suffering.

[Uniquely]

Thanks for your thoughts guys.

Katharsis, Yes.... she's been on Soma, Flexorill, you name it for muscle relaxors. Several types of pain relief, sedatives, and combinations of the above. She's so doped up right now that when she is not cramping... she is sleeping. As soon as the cramps come back.... she is wide awake and crying.

She has no voluntary movement on the right side.... but when the spasms kick in, the whole side draws up and we just dig in there are start working on the knots. They took a chem panel yesterday... so hopefully they might find a mineral deficiency that we can supplement. I feel strongly that because of the extreme feeding difficulties that she has, that dehydration and potassium and salt deficiencies may be at play here; although neurological damage from things like stroke and MS are known to play a part in these kinds of things. It's been two years since the stroke now.... so I tend to lean towards dehydration and minerals. Whirlpool baths have been helping but we can't keep her in the tub all the time.

The bright side to all of this is because my wife and I have both worked in this nursing home for years.... the staff really goes above and beyond to give her the best care possible.

[DAROCKNESSMONSTER]

terrible. terrible.
may god be with you and your family.

[Blu-Benny]

i'm so sorry that you and your family have to go through this. i hope things get better.

[Uniquely]

Originally Posted by Marquoz

At least she has somebody there to help take care of her! I was reading about the 93 year old man that froze to death in his house because his power was shut off, but had the money sitting on the table to pay it. No matter what happens, you two should be very proud that you were there for her through all of this.

I am very sorry to hear all of this is happening to her, and I hope that the doctors can find a way to ease her suffering.

Yeah... I read about that and it makes you sick the way that some people just want to discard the elderly people who helped build the world we live in today. Sadly.... I see examples of it all the time with childen and grand children who are more concerned about the financial implications getting a person qualified for medicaid will have on their inheritance, than they are with getting their loved one 24/7 care when they truly need it. Thankfully those types are a minority!

I am very proud of my wife! She's an only child so all of this has landed squarely on her shoulders. She's so very strong but this has been so emotionally draining for her.

[mikejet]

This happened to my grandfather. He had back to back severe strokes and was left unable to care for himself or even speak. Before that he was going through the start of Alzheimers. He would continually lash out at the people around him and he would often get lost.

My father also has gone through two stroke. He's made a decent recovery but it's hard to watch him struggle with the simplest things. It's great that he is where he is now but he's never going to be 100% again.

My grandfather has since passed away and it was a hard time for the whole family but at the same time he finally looked like he was at peace.

It's hard to witness people go through these tragedies but in the long run it makes them and you stronger.

[Aaron]

Sorry to hear about that =(

[ThePhantomOak]

Never delt with that kind of internal thing.

Prayer outbound, bro.

Originally Posted by robinandtami

Is when a loved one is in agonizing pain and there's nothing that can be done about it.

My mother in law had a severe stroke in the brain stem at the rediculously young age of 52. It was the sort of thing that would have killed 99% of people, but because she was so young and so fit... she survived. She was left with no movement on her right side, and very little on her left. Her mental status is completely intact, but she is only able to speak a few words. Her swallow function was severely damaged, and she should be on a feeding tube, but she refuses it.... so even daily nurishment can be a life threatening event.

For the past couple of weeks she has been having severe muscle cramping all up and down her right side. Take that muscle cramp that you get from running without stretching, or stretching too hard when you first wake up.... then have it occuring in several muscles at the same time.... and reoccuring in wave after wave for hours at a time.

The doctors, nurses and us (the physical therapy dept at the nursing home she resides in) have tried everything we know, every drug and pain relief technique we know..... nothing's helping.

It's so hard to see her go through this. She lost everything two years ago with the stroke... her whole life really.... but she still always manages a smile and a laugh.... and now to see her going through this too is almost unbearable. I'm so pained for her and my wife both.

[Uniquely]

Originally Posted by mikejet

This happened to my grandfather. He had back to back severe strokes and was left unable to care for himself or even speak. Before that he was going through the start of Alzheimers. He would continually lash out at the people around him and he would often get lost.

My father also has gone through two stroke. He's made a decent recovery but it's hard to watch him struggle with the simplest things. It's great that he is where he is now but he's never going to be 100% again.

My grandfather has since passed away and it was a hard time for the whole family but at the same time he finally looked like he was at peace.

It's hard to witness people go through these tragedies but in the long run it makes them and you stronger.

I'm sorry for your struggles and loss as well. Alzheimers is another disease that is so very difficult for family members. The progression of it can be so different for each person that suffers from it. The luckiest of them are what we like to call "pleasantly confused." They clearly have deficits, but they never seem to know it and are happy most of the time. Then there are those who behave in ways that they never would have before the disease, like your grandfather. That always seems to be the hardest for the families.

[Sir Terrence]

RobinandTami I am so praying for you and your wife. I went through the alzheimers thing with my grandfather. Some people in my family wanted to committ him to a home, but I just couldn't take that So I took care of him myself, paying for a nurse to care for him during the day when I was at work. I did the same thing when my grandmother had a major stroke. I just could not let anyone else take care of my grandparents, they both were my rocks when I was growing up, and I intended to be their when they grew old. It was hard, but I was able to spend some quality time with them both before they left. I went to their funerals to happily say goodbye, while the rest of my family wept in grief, and at their own selfishness.

I am preparing to take care of my mother when she get's too old to take care of herself. One thing that pleases me to no end is that my twin boys are just like me. I have lupus and still work fulltime and long hours at that. My boys are right there helping me with everything. They are afraid to move out on their own because they think there will be nobody to take care of me. I told them to not hold up their own lives for me, or they will be bitter about it. I am not feeble at all (I am just 43 y/o sheesh), and I can outrun, outlift, and run further than both of them Its just nice to see they are really concerned.

I really hate the way folks treat the old people. It just hurts me to the core to hear that these people have families, and they won't lift a finger to help them. I have adopted two elderly people in my neighborhood. I shop for them, see them everyday(even when I am not feeling well myself), and when my schedule allows, will take them to their doctor appointment. I just feel if more people did this, getting older wouldn't be such a cluster F..... well you know what I mean

[jkwest]

good luck to you...don't lose heart...I've dealt with two separate strokes from different family members...one full-on debilitating(no walking, talking, almost vegetative) and the other somewhat(walks with a cane and cannot speak)...it is stressful beyond words for everyone involved. don't forget to love them no matter what..its worse for them, I can guarantee it...

[Marquoz]

Originally Posted by Sir Terrence

RobinandTami I am so praying for you and your wife. I went through the alzheimers thing with my grandfather. Some people in my family wanted to committ him to a home, but I just couldn't take that So I took care of him myself, paying for a nurse to care for him during the day when I was at work. I did the same thing when my grandmother had a major stroke. I just could not let anyone else take care of my grandparents, they both were my rocks when I was growing up, and I intended to be their when they grew old. It was hard, but I was able to spend some quality time with them both before they left. I went to their funerals to happily say goodbye, while the rest of my family wept in grief, and at their own selfishness.

I like the way my parents put my grandmother in a "home". It basicly is a condo complex in England right next door to a hospital. So this way they still had their own home that they owned, it wasn't a nursing home per say, it just had nurses easily available on call 24/7. This gave them the freedom to come and go as they pleased, and live the way they wanted since they still owned the unit, but also gave them access to medical care with a very fast response time.

It was also a little harder logistically for my parents to help take care of my grandparents because my grandparents lived in England, and my parents live in the States. There was other family over in England that constantly visited while my grandmother was suffering from Alzheimers, but my mother was the only one that my grandmother recognized as having had as a daughter since she was the oldest. She refused to accept that her other children were her children since she didn't remember them anymore.

It's a very hard choice for a child to make to put their parents into a home like that, but sometimes, it works out for the best, my grandmother had wonderful care until she passed away a couple years ago, and it was better care then my grandfather was able to provide. There is debate as to wether the move saved my grandfather's life, because he is of an advanced age, and the diet they were living on when they were living alone was very poor.

My biggest regret about the whole situation was that I was unable to get my son over to England before my grandmother passed away. I would have loved to be able to introduce them to him. I just hope I have enough time to get him over there to meet his great grandfather! I'm just sad though with the distances that I can't visit them as often as I would like. He's got some great stories from when he was growing up that are completely different from anything I've ever experienced because of the country's differences.

[Uniquely]

Originally Posted by Sir Terrence

RobinandTami I am so praying for you and your wife. I went through the alzheimers thing with my grandfather. Some people in my family wanted to committ him to a home, but I just couldn't take that So I took care of him myself, paying for a nurse to care for him during the day when I was at work. I did the same thing when my grandmother had a major stroke. I just could not let anyone else take care of my grandparents, they both were my rocks when I was growing up, and I intended to be their when they grew old. It was hard, but I was able to spend some quality time with them both before they left. I went to their funerals to happily say goodbye, while the rest of my family wept in grief, and at their own selfishness.

I am preparing to take care of my mother when she get's too old to take care of herself. One thing that pleases me to no end is that my twin boys are just like me. I have lupus and still work fulltime and long hours at that. My boys are right there helping me with everything. They are afraid to move out on their own because they think there will be nobody to take care of me. I told them to not hold up their own lives for me, or they will be bitter about it. I am not feeble at all (I am just 43 y/o sheesh), and I can outrun, outlift, and run further than both of them Its just nice to see they are really concerned.

I really hate the way folks treat the old people. It just hurts me to the core to hear that these people have families, and they won't lift a finger to help them. I have adopted two elderly people in my neighborhood. I shop for them, see them everyday(even when I am not feeling well myself), and when my schedule allows, will take them to their doctor appointment. I just feel if more people did this, getting older wouldn't be such a cluster F..... well you know what I mean

That is really excellent the way you were able to take care of your grandfather. Placing a relative in a facility is never easy to do... especially hard when that person is only 52... but we really had no choice. Her needs are so acute there is no way we could afford proper in home care. We're working towards getting our finances to a place where one of us can quit working and stay home with her. The biggest hold back is that since we are a same sex couple, we can't get employer health coverage for the partner that stays home. We do take her home for weekends as often as medicaid rules allow.

When we were discussing the digital transition... I could tell you were a guy who cares about the elderly. It's sad when people think of them as an inconvenience because inside they are just like us. It's funny..... but whenever you ask someone with moderate Alzheimer's how old they are..... they almost always say they are in their 30's.