The female mind.

[Filterlab]

Not quite sure if it's me on the wrong wavelength or if I'm right and females are a little weird.

My friend Julie hasn't been in touch for a few weeks until today. She texted me this:

"Hi, if you're free tonight I'll pop over."

My reply: "Yep, not doing anything tonight. Come over whenever you're free."

Her reply: "I'll try and get over but I've done a lot of overtime this week so I'm quite tired, may not be free."

_________________



Then why text me in the first place?

Am I missing something or can a female on here shed some light on this train of thought?



No wonder I love hi-fi etc. It's straightforward and it works in a linear fashion.

[nhaase]

I'm not a female, but in the words of the legendary Bluto Blutarsky, "I advise that you drink, heavily."

[HDJK]

Originally Posted by Filterlab

Then why text me in the first place?

Am I missing something or can a female on here shed some light on this train of thought?

Sorry, can't help you there

Originally Posted by Filterlab

No wonder I love hi-fi etc. It's straightforward and it works in a linear fashion.

I think I can relate to this statement 100%

Altough I just have to say here, my wife is really cool and I love her to bits

[Filterlab]

Originally Posted by nhaase

I'm not a female, but in the words of the legendary Bluto Blutarsky, "I advise that you drink, heavily."

[iceman]

Sounds like you might be her backup plan

Originally Posted by Filterlab

Not quite sure if it's me on the wrong wavelength or if I'm right and females are a little weird.

My friend Julie hasn't been in touch for a few weeks until today. She texted me this:

"Hi, if you're free tonight I'll pop over."

My reply: "Yep, not doing anything tonight. Come over whenever you're free."

Her reply: "I'll try and get over but I've done a lot of overtime this week so I'm quite tired, may not be free."

_________________



Then why text me in the first place?

Am I missing something or can a female on here shed some light on this train of thought?



No wonder I love hi-fi etc. It's straightforward and it works in a linear fashion.

[HDJK]

Originally Posted by Iceman

Sounds like you might be her backup plan

Oh that was cold

[Shadowself]

Originally Posted by Iceman

Sounds like you might be her backup plan

Originally Posted by HDJK

Oh that was cold

Not necessarily. It was a test.

She was just checking to see what your availability was/is.

Why?

Because if you really are a "desired individual" you'd be busy. You'd have things to do and people to see (or is that things to see and people to do? -- I can never remember that one).

There are a lot of psycosocial theories running around about how we're wired to go after the better people with whom to hook up. One way to discern that is to find out if they are busy doing things. This is not necessarily a bad thing -- and odds are it is not even a concious thing!

Bottom line, never be too available, just available enough and no more.

[Spankey]

You'll have to fill in the blanks here...

Is this female friend a friend or friend with benefits?
Is she attractive and have you or her hinted at there being more than friends?

Here is my analysis...

She asked if you wanted to see her.
You sounded indifferent..

Had you said, I'd love to see you..looking forward to it, you wouldn't have gotten an indifferent response back.

[Filterlab]

Originally Posted by Shadowself

Not necessarily. It was a test.

She was just checking to see what your availability was/is.

Why?

Because if you really are a "desired individual" you'd be busy. You'd have things to do and people to see (or is that things to see and people to do? -- I can never remember that one).

There are a lot of psycosocial theories running around about how we're wired to go after the better people with whom to hook up. One way to discern that is to find out if they are busy doing things. This is not necessarily a bad thing -- and odds are it is not even a concious thing!

Bottom line, never be too available, just available enough and no more.

Whoah! That is seriously complex.

Strangely, I think she hasn't called much lately as I've been flat out busy with visiting friends and family, business meetings, work load etc. Tonight is a rarity!

Well, it goes some way to explain although she said that her other friends 'are backing off' so maybe I am a back up plan.

[Filterlab]

Originally Posted by sltmag

You'll have to fill in the blanks here...

Is this female friend a friend or friend with benefits?
Is she attractive and have you or her hinted at there being more than friends?

She's simply a friend - nothing else.

[Spankey]

Friend or no friend, she is still a girl/woman. You can't treat her like one of the guys. You gave her an indifferent answer to a direct question, and then she responded with indifference.

I think she wants a tad more.

[Maximus]

No, you have to say, "Hmm, I am a bit busy, but I will try and make some time for you if you still want to come"

It makes her feel special and wanted.

[Blu-Ray Buckeye]

Originally Posted by Maxpower1987

No, you have to say, "Hmm, I am a bit busy, but I will try and make some time for you if you still want to come"

It makes her feel special and wanted.

I like where Maxpower is going with this although I might shift the wording... the whole "if you still want to come" thing sits a bit wrong with me. The point however is correct... never appear to be totally not busy as you should project yourself as being in demand. Also show that you are willing to alter said plans for her but do not do so at the drop of a hat; Say that you will check w/ your other "plans" and have her get back to you in awhile.

The weird thing here to me (and maybe other guys are sensing it)... if she is just a friend then why bother asking? I've had many female friends but they tended to be grilfriends of my friends or something more neutral. In those cases of just friends I simply never cared about their behavior really or dissected it as you are. Whenever I had female friends that I spent a lot of 1-on-1 time w/ they always turned into something more. I'm just sayin'.

[Spankey]

^^Yep. All that needed to be said was that you've been busy, but would definitely look forward to getting together, or make some time, etc. Only had one girl "friend" in my life as well. We weren't each others type, and our personalities would clash as a relationship. Otherwise, I kind of subscribe to the theory of women and men not really being able to be "friends" in the strictest sense.

[Blue]

This is so simple.
If you say yes - your in trouble for being too easy.
If you say no - your in toruble for being to hard
If you say I'm not sure - you in trouble for being indesicive
If you say "you tell me what I should say" - your really in for it.
In other words you aint going to win no matter what - isn't that right darling (OUCH)

[WriteSimply]

Originally Posted by Blue

This is so simple.
If you say yes - your in trouble for being too easy.
If you say no - your in toruble for being to hard
If you say I'm not sure - you in trouble for being indesicive
If you say "you tell me what I should say" - your really in for it.
In other words you aint going to win no matter what - isn't that right darling (OUCH)

What Blue said.

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. It's a lot easier to date people from your home planet.

Seriously though, don't play head games and don't date people who play head games. It won't get that far and you'll lose your vocal chords in the process.


fuad

[Balian]

Or she could just texted the wrong person.

[channysized]

Originally Posted by WriteSimply

Seriously though, don't play head games and don't date people who play head games. It won't get that far and you'll lose your vocal chords in the process.


fuad

i agree wholeheartedly with this cuz it always get messy O_o if you're straightforward and yet can't get reciprocation on something as, let's face it, SIMPLE as being honest then pfft lol
of course if i were a more mercenary individual i'd advise ya to capitulise the friends-with-extras-benefits!?

^_^

[Filterlab]

This may be getting a bit from the subject, although some wise words across the board.

The friends-with-benefits thing doesn't really appeal to me as it's either a relationship or not. Also I'm not into mind games as I'm far too straightforward for all that.

I think the Mars/Venus thing sums it up pretty well. Why contact someone to ask to see them only to say it's not possible in the very next breath?

Weird!

[theknub]

all you need to know about women in just a few words: "they're ****ing nuts!"

no matter what you say or do, we're never right. i had one girl i dated for three years. perfect relationship, got it all the time, she liked to drink (put almost all my friends under), and was extraordinarily intelligent. then one day, out of the blue, she cuts it off saying she needed someone she couldn't hurt. as i said, they're nuts.

so in reference to that text, i'm what might be characterized as a professional swordsmen (read man *****). while fun for a little while, it gets old. i know you said you're just friends, nothing more. however, like guys, girls need to break one off now and again and if they don't have a trusted alternative they will more often than not call up a friend. if you're interested, never appear too busy or nothing going on. even a response of cooking dinner and watching the game is good or friends may be coming over tonight. you can always extend the invitation and tell her, "i'll tell my friends i'm busy."

now, there is the situation where you have no interest right now but you never know when you may need a good time. that's when the "i'm just chilling and am just gonna stay in" or "no plans" comes in handy (as you basically did). if she really wants to do something, she'll suggest something off the no plans or still offer to come over. of course, it can be a good idea to also say you'd love to do something but are just tired. also, you can always lie and just say you're busy too. it certainly allows some wiggle room and you can always call or text her some other day about meeting up.

then, there is the "no, don't want to do anything." it always comes across as i'm not interested and get the f*** away from me. typically, anyone gets the message pretty fast (except stalkers... shiver).

in terms of her line of thinking, the nonchalant "no plans" basically sent a message that you're not looking to do anything. so, she makes an excuse that she's tired blah blah blah. oh, and lest we forget, women are nuts. so, she has to make it as her decision that she didn't want to go. thus the weird response. remember, women have to feel like they made the decision, not you. so always, make a suggestion and let her accept even though it was your idea.

all right, so there's my $1 worth of input even though u asked for two cents. oh well...